The Mysteries of Stars
by Crystal Snowflakes
Summary: [Chapter 11 up] AU KT Tomoe goes to Kyoto for revenge for the death of her fiancé on Hitokiri Battousai. A story of lies and deception, love and hate... This is the tragic love story of Yukishiro Tomoe and Himura Kenshin. Please enjoy.
1. Prologue : Farewell

Prologue

By Crystal Snowflakes

Author's Notes: This is the rewritten version of 'Blood and White Plums'. Even though it is the rewritten version of it, I intend it to be quite different in a lot of parts. Perhaps more description of the relationship between Tomoe and Kenshin, because I feel like as if I haven't really shown their love. Either way, thank you. I hope you enjoy it all.

Oh, and last thing, the chapters will be put together. Less updates.

**Thank you Heddy.**Thanks with the notes, as you can see, I've tried to use your notes and you're actually quite right about Kaoru training, she is too young. As for the dojo, if you find anything about it, please tell me. For the time being, I will still have the dojo in the story. And I will look over the tenses. As for Toshiko, she does have plans, although little, but I might change that. Even though she has plans, it will come later (at the sequel). If I have a sequel, that is. I might just continue it onto this story. I really don't know for now, but anyways, thank you once again. I appreciate everything you've said

Disclaimers: All things that are remotely familiar do not belong to me, but to Nobuhiro Watsuki.

* * *

**_February 8th, 1864_**

**_On a street in _****_Kyoto_****_, he became a person never to return... I am on a mission to kill the Hitokiri Battousai._**

Softly, I closed the journal. I felt my eyes burn with tears, yet none came. The only thing I felt like I had to do, like I had to fulfill, was Kiyosato-san's revenge. I will avenge him. My ignorance of this occurrence has passed. I no longer believed that Kiyosato-san's death was a lie, although it pains me to remember that he did not even bid a farewell to me before he passed away. I burned for the Battousai's death. I yearned for revenge.

Slowly, I turned towards my sister, her form sprawled on the ground, taking a nap, her breath even. I felt my anger burn away and all that was left was love. Love for Toshiko-chan, love for Enishi, Father... Kiyosato-san...

I turned my glance away from my sister and towards the moon...

_He has red hair like the color of blood, his eyes amber like the dying fires in Hell._

"Battousai..." I whispered his name out unconsciously. My fist clenched slightly, anger filling my heart again as I felt my heart freeze up. Even though I believe that Kiyosato-san was dead, there is always the possibility of it being false information lingering in my heart. That possibility always at the back of my head, always there, never leaving. I was always praying that it would be someone to tell us that it was a mistake in the information every time someone knocked on our property.

I choked on my breath for a second, and then relaxed myself, knowing it was no good for anyone to be so worked up. The revenge has been planned. Whether or not it will be completed is a matter of fate. It is not in my hands.

Closing my eyes, I began picturing how the Hitokiri Battousai would be. An old man with a slash on his left cheek... A slash that Kiyosato-san has caused. On his head would be dry crimson red hair tied in a high ponytail, the hair threatening to fall off from aging, golden eyes that narrowed with anger and hatred, a katana at his head, sheaths for the daisho at the sides... His clothes... His clothes tainted and drenched in blood. My eyes opened as I heard the shoji slide open.

Enishi... My dear Enishi. Why has fate been so cruel to our family? Why? Why have you always been so lonely? Why so much like me? Why could you not have been a normal boy, one that would be carefree, one that would not care about the family as much... That way... That way... You would be spared of this horrible truth. You would be safe from this revenge...

Why Enishi? A small smile, barely visible came from my lips as you approached. I cupped your cheek as I looked into your eyes, full of fury and rage for this world. Despite what you believe dear, this world is not as horrible as you think... There are many good things in life, although it is a shame for the both of you to be born in such a period... To be born in such a violent and bloody era... It is just not fair. If only... If only the two of you could live happily in a more peaceful period of time. A period of time that had no worries about watching your back every second for fear of getting killed...

Toshiko-chan stirred beside me and I watched her. I am going to miss the both of you... I picked her up gently, fully intending to carry her to her futon, but when my eyes met Enishi's, I was shocked at the intensity of his stare.

"Enishi..." I flattered and decided not to tell him of tomorrow's leave. Slowly, I stood up with Toshiko-chan in my arms.

"Neechan, what's wrong?" I heard him ask. I knew he had seen the traveling bag lying near my futon.

Knowing I had no other choice but to tell him, I did. "I am going away tomorrow. And do not protest. There is something I had to do, and it is not something I can just forget, nor is it something I can not due because you don't want me leaving."

"Neechan..." His head hung and I felt guilty, but there was nothing to be done.

I felt my eyes burn again, "Enishi..." I started, "Remember, Aishiteru...Zutto. Sayonara." I slid the shoji closed and carried Toshiko-chan to her futon.

When I returned back into my room, Enishi had already disappeared. I put my journal in my bag before I blew out the candle, then I caught myself gazing at the stars.

_If the stars are beautiful to you, it means something. It means that you are happy, that you are contented and satisfied about your life. If the stars don't look particularly lovely at all, then it is not the problem of the stars, but yours. There is something wrong with you. In that case, I would advise you to fix whatever that is wrong, because life is short, and we should not spend our time unsatisfied about our life. The stars are always the same, never changing. Whether they are pretty or not has nothing to do with them, it has to do with you and your thoughts. Keep this advice in mind, Tomoe-chan... It will serve for the future._

I closed my eyes, sighing. "Okaasan... I wish you were here to give me advice. Or perhaps with that knowledge of yours, you have already. I am unsatisfied about my life, and your advice is for me to do something about it... Revenge on the Battousai... Avenge Kiyosato-san..."

Turning away from the scenery, I laid down in my futon, feeling the burdens start to pile once again, as well as the weight on my eyelids. I began closing my eyes, nervous yet pleased at my decision for leaving tomorrow. But before that... I would have to visit someone of extreme importance...

* * *

When I awoke, it was already seven and I was planning on buying some provisions before my trip. Although I have brought plenty of money, I did not know how the trip to Kyoto would be, and I'd rather be safe than sorry. Sliding open the shoji door leading to Enishi and Toshiko-chan's room, I stood at the doorway glancing and memorizing their forms for a long time. They were both sleeping peacefully without a worry... Even before I was satisfied with myself, I left, knowing that I would never want to leave if I stayed any longer...

I did not know if I were to return...

Before I left the house, I left a letter for my father...

**_Otousan_**

I approached the Kamiya Kasshin Dojo and the closer I got, her cries became more audible. So Kao-chan was up early again, attempting to practice. I am so jealous of you, Kao-chan... To be able to an atypical woman in the future. To not be useless and be able to fight with a sword, let alone master the Kamiya Kasshin Ryu...

**_Gomen_****_ nasai... I apologize for the leave on such a short notice... But I have no choice. Although we have never discussed it ourselves, you and I both know that one of these days, I would leave for _****_Kyoto_****_. I had the choice to stay, but if I had done that, I would never have been able to live with myself..._**

Her figure ran up towards me when I opened the door to the Dojo... She embraced me. Although her palms and she herself was sweaty, I did not mind a bit. Bending down, I lifted her up and gave her a tiny smile.

"Ohayou Tomoe-san!" She grinned cheerfully. One thing I'll forever be jealous of. Whoever married her in the future would be the luckiest man on earth.

**_Otousan_****_... Onegai... Take care of Toshiko-chan and Enishi. Perhaps I will return, perhaps I will not. How this whole thing will go is out of my control and I will leave it to Kami-sama to decide... Take care of yourself._**

"Kao-chan." I greeted her.

"What's wrong, Tomoe-san?" You always know when there's something wrong, Kao-chan... Always...

Quick footsteps came from the inside of the dojo and the shoji slammed open, "Kaoru-chan!". Kamiya-san... As he noticed me, he approached and scolded Kao-san fondly, "How many times have I told you Kaoru-chan? You aren't old enough to start the Kamiya Kasshin Ryu yet..."

"Demo Otousan!" She protested.

A warmhearted smile appeared on Kamiya-san's face, "Ohayo Tomoe-san." He greeted.

"Ohayo Kamiya-san... How are you this morning?"

"Quite well. How are you?"

I looked around nervously, "As all right as I can be." He looked at me strangely, "I am leaving today for Kyoto."

"Ah... I see." Kamiya-san replied. With that, he took Kao-chan gently from me. "I am guessing you won't be back for a while."

"No, I won't be. I don't know if I will be back at all... I just wanted to say farewell to Kao-chan." I smiled softly.

Her eyes started to water, "Why?" She asked, "Why are you leaving? When are you coming back?" She hugged her father and I heard her cries muffled by his shoulder.

"I don't know." I replied.

**_Aishiteru_**

"Why are you leaving?" She asked again.

"There is something I have to do in Kyoto... Something that cannot be delayed any longer..."

Kamiya-san looked at me, understanding what I felt. "I wish you good luck, and I do hope that I will see you again someday, Tomoe-san. Please be careful."

"Arigatou Kamiya-san..." Then I looked at him, "And... Kamiya-san... If you have the time, please take care of Enishi and Toshiko-chan... Father is rarely ever home..."

He nodded and I gave him a grateful smile, "Arigatou Kamiya-san."

"Sayonara... Tomoe-san."

I did not say more than that and I bade them both farewell. It was unfortunate for me to have to leave Kao-chan crying, but I had no choice in the matter. I only regret not bidding farewell to my other friend, Miyaki, but she moved in with her husband recently, and I had no intention of waking them up this early in the morning.

**_-Yukishiro Tomoe._**

Leaving Edo was really not as easy as I thought I would be. I had the heart to turn around more than once and it was actually then I occurred that there was a chance I would never be coming back. I have told many people that I might not, but the reality of this all... I was against the Battousai... The Hitokiri Battousai. The most infamous assassin... What were the chances of me coming back?

My heart clenched at the thought of never having a chance to hear Enishi call me 'Neechan' again, never see Toshiko-chan's beautiful smile, never hearing the carefree laughter of Kao-chan and her way of calling me 'Tomoe-san'...

Everytime I had the heart to turn back, I knew sooner or later, I would head for Kyoto, because I could not stand doing nothing...

Night quickly fell with me gazing at the stars again, thinking about what was to come... Thinking about what the future would bring... Wrapping the blanket around me more tightly, I felt sadness watching the stars, knowing that perhaps the stars would never be beautiful for me again...

_Little did she know that she would be seeing the most breathtaking stars a little later than year, somewhere in Otsu..._


	2. Chapter 1 : Meeting

Chapter 1

By Crystal Snowflakes

Author's Notes: It has yet to be corrected. Will be reposted within the next week.

Disclaimers: All things that are remotely familiar do not belong to me, but to Nobuhiro Watsuki.

* * *

During the next few days of my journey, everything was calm. Throughout the mornings and afternoons of my trip, I planned my revenge, thinking everything over. The nights were different though... I would stare at the stars, always wondering when these hard times would pass, always wondering when the war would be over, and always trying to deny my mistake in all of this...

Maybe it was my fault that he was killed... He never knew I loved him... I was always so shy, never telling that I had always loved him... I never told him I was glad he chose me... If I had told him, would he not have gone to Kyoto? Then would Battousai not have killed him? Was it my fault he risked his life?

Walking all day long wasn't as hard as it was. I had to admit that for the first couple of days, it got tiring really quickly, but towards the end of the third day, I had begun to get used to the long walks in order to get the Kyoto.

I wasn't the only traveler on the road. There were plenty of other travelers took this road due to the fact that it was the safest one out there.

Night fell soon again and once again, I leaned on a tree in a sitting position, wrapping the blanket around myself, hoping to get warmer, always failing. But I did not mind it anymore... My mind drifted away so much I could no longer feel what my body was feeling... My mind had more important matters to attend...

Another week left of this non-stopping walking until I would reach Kyoto.

During these days, I often wondered how my family was doing. My angelic sister, my beloved brother and my cheerful little friend... My father who was almost never home... I wonder how Toshiko-chan and Enishi would be doing without him...

If only Mother hadn't died, then I would not be so worried about everything, then I would have more advice as to what to do. All I have right now is the stars... I was the one they all depended on, and now that I left, what has happened? Both Toshiko-chan and Enishi were young, and if Father didn't stop going out at night, they would be alone all the time. The only thing I really should have done was asked Kamiya-san to take them in his Dojo and taken care of them for me...

If luck was on my way, I'd be in Kyoto in less than an hour. It would not be easy to find the Battousai, although he was probably the only Japanese in Kyoto to have red hair.

As I reached Kyoto, I decided to start looking for an inn that I could stay in for the night. All of a sudden, the crowd in front of my started whispering and dispersed to the side of the streets. Not wanting to stand out too much, I followed them and stood at the side of the street, watching a group of men with uniforms walk arrogantly.

The Shinsengumi.

As I looked away from the group... It was then... It was then I saw you. It was the first time I've ever seen you.

You were looking straight at me and as you saw my eyes reach yours, you quickly turned your head away, averting my eyes. Red hair tied up in a ponytail, cold amber eyes, and a wound on the left cheek. I rapidly walked away and hid from you and I felt your eyes on me again a second later, not seeing me, you looked away again. When I thought you weren't looking, I peeked out to look at you and I watched you walk away.

I had two choices: to follow you or to stay where I was. I chose the latter choice.

Confusion clouded my vision... You were no older than fifteen, a child. Carrying a wakizashi and a katana at the same time, killing... You were the Hitokiri Battousai. A murderer. Assassin. The man who killed Kiyosato-san...

You might be a child, but a glimpse of your eyes was all that I needed to know that you weren't one anymore. Your hands have already been drenched in the blood of the dead, your soul cruelly stolen from you... You are a mere child who lost his childhood at a very young age... You were as abnormal as a child could get.

And I was scared to admit this... But you are so much like me... Ever since I was young, I began taking care of Enishi and Toshiko-chan, barely having enough time to have fun, and in time, I had stopped being 'normal'.

Your eyes tell me that you have more experience than most kids your age. Your eyes tell me that you have more experience than anyone in this war... For a child to lose their childhood was not uncommon, for a child to have experience in killing was not uncommon, but your eyes... They were truly the eyes of a killer. You had eyes that were colder than steel, eyes that seem to pierce right through your soul if anyone met their eyes with yours... And when I did, I felt as if you saw through me... As if you truly understood me.

I frowned in contempt at that thought. Battousai...? Understand someone who had their fiancé killed by him? Never.

What I really needed to do to succeed this revenge, all I had to do was watch him from afar for now... Then I'll plan.

* * *

**_February 23rd, 1864_**

**_I have finally met Battousai face to face this day... What pains me is that he is merely a child wielding a sword... I wonder who his parents are, knowing that their son is committing such a sin, but not doing anything to stop him... Or perhaps, he has no parents. Whatever it is, it is so saddening to see such a young one being the feared Battousai. His eyes were cold and emotionless, such were the eyes of a killer._**

**_Once I've seen him, I cannot wipe his face away from my thoughts. His image keeps appearing in all my thoughts, never leaving, never wavering, always there. Perhaps it is to make myself remember that I have an important mission here in _****_Kyoto_****_. To avenge Kiyosato-san... To kill Battousai. To kill a child who has killed countless. To kill a child who has lost his childhood. To kill a child._**

**_I feel ill thinking that. I feel ill thinking that I must kill Battousai, only for the reason that he is only a child._**

**_-Tomoe_**

**_

* * *

_**

As I slid the shoji leading outside open, I looked at the mocking stars, mocking me while they were twinkling in amusement. Mocking how I thought, mocking of who I was thinking of, and mocking my hesitance in killing a mere child. Or more like my thoughts of killing this child. Battousai...

No matter how cynical they seemed, the stars did look better than last nights'. Was Mother's advice right about the stars?

For a long time, I sat there, gazing up unblinkingly, thoughts of Kiyosato-san and Battousai whirling through my head non-stop. No matter how tired I was, I didn't have the heart to tear my eyes away from the stars... I wanted to be exactly where I was, I wanted to stay there...

But I knew that if I didn't go to bed, my plan would never accomplish and that would ruin everything I have done since I've left Edo. After another few moments of looking up at the stars, I slipped into my futon and fell asleep.

Okaasan... sometimes I wonder how life would be if you hadn't passed away. We would be having a great family... Father, Mother, Enishi, Toshiko-chan and I... Kiyosato-san, maybe... A smile tugged at my lips and I felt something tug my heart when I thought of Kiyosato-san's adorable grin when he was young. It was rarer these days, but whenever he did something foolish, he'd had a goofy grin on his face...

If only Battousai never existed... If only... If only his parents didn't let him learn Kenjutsu... We'd all be happy. I would still be in Edo, waiting for Kiyosato-san to return from Kyoto. I wouldn't worry about this revenge at all... And last of all, I would not be here in Kyoto...

I shouldn't even think about this, considering it only makes me miserable...

_If only...__ If only he didn't kill Kiyosato-san..._

_

* * *

_

**_March 1st, 1864_**

**_Following Battousai is no easy task... It's been a whole week. How long is this going to last? This endless chasing, this endless chase that is useless. I really need some time off. I'm going to get some sake..._**

**_The confusion is clouding my thoughts. Every time I seehim, I cannot, for the life of me, imagine him as a killer. I cannot imagine him killing in cold blood. I cannot image him killing Kiyosato-san... I have never seen him kill, and I hope I never will..._**

**_-Tomoe_**

Tucking my journal in my sleeve, I stood up and took my shawl and umbrella. It feels like it will be raining tonight. A sense of foreboding...

When I stepped out of the inn, I was extremely glad I brought my umbrella along. The rain seemed like it was never going to stop, pouring the way it was... Slowly, I walked to my destination. It was a restaurant that was a couple minutes of walking from the inn. When I stepped in, the sight shocked me.

The Hitokiri Battousai was sitting there, sipping sake and he didn't seem like he was enjoying it at all. His brows were knitted together in disgust and I couldn't understand why he was still drinking it even if he disliked it. Perhaps trying to become more of an adult. It was common for children to start drinking because they wanted to be more mature... I watched in amusement for a few moments until I got tired of it and sat down next to him with my back faced to him.

When the lady passed, I ordered a bottle of sake and as I was drinking, two drunks walked up to me and started talking to me.

"Hey there, baby!"

I did not glance at them, knowing they were ignorant and drunk.

"We're in charge of the Aizu Ishin Shishi!" The fat one said with pride. I felt disgust at the fat slob. "We kill for lowlifes like you day and night!"

Finally, I looked up from my drink and I felt my control slipping from me. Stupid ignorant idiots. The Aizu supported the current government while the Ishin Shishi were the revolutionists. How stupid could you be?

"Aizu's with the Shogunate, you idiots." Turning around, I faced the Hitokiri Battousai. His voice was devoid of all emotions and I felt a shiver run down my spine at the sight of those steel cold eyes despite myself. I felt saddened again... Every time I see him, I feel as if the future holds nothing good for us all... A mere child... The Hitokiri Battousai. A child as young as he is doing all the dirty work for the Ishin Shishi.

The two drunks muttered something under their breath and the next second, Battousai stood up. "You two are lucky to be getting away with your lives. If you had drawn your swords, I would have killed you."

Without another word uttered from their mouths, the two of them ran away from the restaurant like scared rabbits. I watched them as they left and I was shocked when Battousai bowed respectfully at me and apologized. For what, I don't know, but the next second, he grabbed his daisho and left.

I dropped a few coins down on my table for the bottle of sake and hurried through the streets to where I thought Battousai was going to be. I opened my umbrella and I walked as fast as I could, while seeming like I was just walking without a destination. As I stepped around the corner, I felt a gasp come to my throat. The Battousai... Just at that moment... Had sliced someone in half. Clean...

You then spun around fiercely and caught sight of me.

So what are you going to do now, Battousai? Kill me like you killed my fiancé? Kill me like you killed that man right there? Kill me like the countless people you have killed already? What are you going to do?

Pushing my nauseous feeling away, I spoke, "I came to thank you for what happened back there," I started, feeling a bit dizzy. It must've been the sake. Everything seemed to be darkening and I can only see your amber eyes glowing fiercely in the dark, "You... You remarkably made it rain... Rain of blood." You dropped the chained sword and I saw your eyes widened for a second, then I felt darkness descend upon me.

_Footsteps..._

I felt a pair of arms around me and then, I felt nothing.

* * *

I woke up in a futon, an unfamiliar ceiling staring right back down at me. I sat up slowly, my head pounding as I looked down. The white kimono I had on last night was still on me, only that it was now stained with blood. I caught sight of Battousai sitting in the corner, his katana on his shoulder. Standing up, I began a walk down the stairs and I saw women dressed in purple kimonos carrying trays from room to room... It must be an inn of some sort.

A slightly older woman stopped in front of me all of a sudden and introduced herself to me. "So you're the one Himura brought to us last night."

I nodded, "Hai." As I saw her high-stacked trays, she asked me my name. "Yukishiro. Yukishiro Tomoe. Okami-san, would you like some help with the trays?" I asked politely, hoping she would accept it, considering the trays seemed like they would fall at any moment.

"If you want to help, I can get you a job here. It's been quite busy and we'll need someone anyways." Okami-san told me.

The morning passed like this and I agreed with Okami-san. Serving wasn't difficult at all. As I was passing the room I had slept in last night, the shoji slid open quickly with Okami-san trailing behind me, handing me another stack of trays.

"Oh, good morning Himura." Okami-san greeted him. "Despite appearances, your girlfriend is a very good worker."

I almost blushed, but I decided to ignore him and started walking farther away from him.

"Hey." He said. Once again, it strikes me how much he doesn't sound like a child at all. "What are you doing?"

I turned around and I found my eyes clashing with his, I balanced the trays easily, "Can you not tell by looking?"

"You're helping around the kitchen."

I nodded, "Hai, I apologize. I must have caused you some trouble last night while I was drunk." When he didn't reply, I assumed it was the end of the conversation, so I nodded my head in farewell and turned away.

"Wait." I stopped in my tracks, "What's your name?"

I turned around for a second, "My name is Tomoe. Yukishiro Tomoe." He tailed along as I continued walking to my destination. Then I opened the shoji to the soldiers' eating quarters. "Excuse me, I've brought breakfast."

"So this is Himura's girl!" "She's cute!" "An older woman!"

I felt Battousai's agitated glare and aura, "Hey, knock that off—"

"Oh, embarrassed lover boy?" A man teased him, "How was she?"

...So blunt.

I don't know what Battousai did, but whatever he did silenced everyone in the room.

"That was close. For a minute I forgot he was Battousai. Just teasing him is taking your life in your hands."

I bowed as I finished distributing lunch to everyone, then I walked out the room.

When Battousai had finished his lunch and whatever they were discussing, he dragged me into his room. "Just forget everything that happened last night and leave."

I felt rejected for a moment, "Is it a trouble for me to stay?" I asked.

"Your family will worry. And whatever your situation is, we are in no state to look after you."

...My family...? I replied truthfully as I glanced regretfully at the floor, "If I had a family and a home to go back to, I wouldn't get drunk alone at night." I looked up at him and caught sight of the cut on his cheek, "So what are you going to do? Finish me off like you did to that man that night?" I asked.

"You can think whatever you want, but I'm doing this to bring in a new era where everyone can live in peace and without fear. I only kill armed members of the Bakufu who opposes us. Civilians might oppose us, but I would never strike an unarmed man."

I looked at him as I scrutinized him. "So bad people carry swords... And good people don't? If I had been carrying a sword last night, would you have killed me?"

He had no answer. He walked to where his stacks of books were while I sat down on the floor. He then grabbed something and put it down in front of me. My tanto. "This is yours, isn't it?"

I nodded.

"Kyoto's a dangerous city. This tanto won't do you much good. Hurry and go home... You should look for a place where you won't need this, where you'll feel safe enough to let your guard down."

"When you have your answer, tell me if you would have killed me or not." I slid open the shoji and walked out of it.

He stood up, "You're just going to walk out? Wait a minute!" And I slammed the shoji in his face and leaned my back on the shoji for a second.

This boy, Battousai... Himura... Was he actually caring for me? Did he actually not want me hurt? I uttered something unconsciously again, "An assassin..." Standing straight up again, I went back to my chores, my mind always on the conversation Battousai and I had today.

* * *

**_March 2nd, 1864_**

**_Spring is almost over... He brought me to the Ishin Shishi hideout... Now I'll be able to kill him... But do I still want to? Do I still want to kill this child?_**

**_-Tomoe_**

I studied his composure as I was talking to him, another one of our conversations we've had all the time from that day onwards. Whenever we talked his eyes softened, still guarded, but less guarded than most times... His figure seems to be relaxed, he himself worry free of all the burdens in this harsh world.

Iizuka-san then appeared and Himura-san was about to greet him politely when he caught sight of the black envelope in his hands. I felt my heart clench at the sight of that... Another death tonight. I felt my heart clench at the job this child has been given... I felt my heart clench at the pain this child is suffering.

As Himura-san left with the black envelope clutched in his hand, I felt Iizuka-san's glance.

He gave me a smirk that looked more like a grimace as he approached me. When he got close enough, he leaned towards my ears and whispered, "I know what you want, Tomoe-san. I know what your goal is."

My glance turned cold within a second, "What do you want, Iizuka-san?"

He gave me another smirk, "Your cooperation on this whole matter. Would you mind taking a walk with me? It's not such a safe place to discuss this here."

"Demo... Okami-san..."

"I'll take care of her by making up some bullshit story. I'll see you in my room in a few minutes." He then disappeared before I could utter another word. I was forced to go to his room to wait for his appearance. What did that idiotic slob want with me anyways? Cooperation? What was he talking about?

When I got to Iizuka-san's room, I slid open the shoji and observed the trees, and despite the hesitance in me, my mind drifted to Himura-san... To his assassination tonight... How would he deal with it again?

Once I heard Iizuka-san enter his room, I slide the shoji closed and turned to look at him. What showed in his eyes frightened me, yet it sickened me more than it frightened me. Lust. He gave me another infuriating smirk. I looked at him with disgust written clear on my face, "What do you want from me Iizuka-san? I have to go back to work." I said, a desperate attempt to leave this room.

"No need to rush, Tomoe-san... We could take this quite slowly." He gave me a suggestive glance. "Like I said, I took care of her by making up some absolute bullshit story. You have the rest of your day off. Now aren't you going to thank me for that with something?" A raise of his eyebrow.

"I think you misunderstand me Iizuka-san. Working is just an excuse to get me out of this room and out of your presence. I do not enjoy being in your company, in spite of what you may be thinking. I do not enjoy being looked at like some sort of possession, nor do I like the lust in your eyes. I do not enjoy your eyes feasting upon me."

He chuckled, "There's no need to be a coldhearted bitch, but I'm amazed at your feistiness. And do not tell me that Himura does not look at you the way I do. You're an attractive woman Tomoe-san. I will not deny that I want you to mine."

"Well, allow me to settle this Iizuka-san. I will never be yours. I have no intension to be _yours._ And for what matter, I find it wrong for you to discuss this with me. And lastly, whatever it is between Himura-san and I is entirely none of your business but ours. But if you are so curious, I will tell you. He has never looked at me like you have." I replied calmly, inside burning with fierce hatred towards this... this exasperating man.

"He is still a child." Iizuka-san smirked.

"And you are more of a child than he is if you think every man in Japan only looks at attractive women with lust." I shot back, "You are no more of a man than he is."

Iizuka-san glared, "Last I heard, Yukishiro Tomoe was seeking revenge on the Hitokiri Battousai, not defending him."

"And last I heard, the men of Ishin Shishi were not backstabbing morons." He clenched his fist, "What are you going to do Iizuka-san? Hit me? And enrage Battousai? You cannot beat him." I taunted.

"Shut the fuck up Yukishiro." Instead of glaring, he gave me a cynical smirk, "At least now I know who I'm working with."

"I am not working with you Iizuka-san." I replied calmly.

He ignored me, "Follow Battousai. Let him trust you. Then kill him in his sleep. If all goes well, you will have your revenge and I will have taken care of him. If for some reason something goes wrong... We will back you up. That is all. Now get the hell out of my room."

I gave him a cold smile, knowing I had gotten to him, "As you wish Iizuka-san..." I mocked a bow before I walked out the room. "To kill someone in their sleep...And to ask a woman to do it... Cowardice.

"What did you say Yukishiro?"

I turned around, the smile still plastered on my face, "So it's Yukishiro now? I think you should be more polite. Oh well, what should I expect from a mere child anyways?" I turned around once again and began walking out, "You heard what I said perfectly Iizuka-san."

I was playing a dangerous game here... One that could cost me my life and get me killed in the blink of an eye... But I wanted this. I felt such a deep satisfaction from getting underneath his skin. Men like him... They deserved death. I longed to kill him with my very own hands...

Shaking my thoughts away, my mind drifted to Iizuka-san and my conversation just moment ago.

_Kill him in his sleep._

Coward. Bloody idiotic coward.

I couldn't sleep that night, so I opened my journal and began writing... Once again, pouring my heart out about everything.

**_April 18th, 1864_**

**_Time has flew by since I was last home... I have just realized that I have written less and less about Kiyosato-san... It worries me, yet at the same time, it relieves me because I know that I've finally come to terms with his death..._**

I heard the shoji slide open and then the sounds of water being poured out from bucket.

**_Himura_****_... Himura-san... He isn't a cold-blooded killer at all. He's just back from his mission, and once again, cleaning his hands, washing them... Attempting to clean them free of blood, of death... Of guilt. How many buckets has that been? Four? Seven? Eight?_**

**_The scar Kiyosato-san gave him... Every time Himura-san comes back from an assassination, it bleeds non-stop. Why? Why is that?_**

**_-Tomoe_**

I closed the journal and tucked it into my sleeve again. On my way downstairs, I grabbed a towel. As I walked up to him, he was glaring at his hands, scrubbing non-stop at them and when I got even closer to him, he went back to being the cold heartless hitokiri.

"Wash your face before your hands." I said quietly as I handed him the towel, seeing a line of blood roll down his cheek. When he didn't take the towel, I dipped it into the water and wiped his face with it until he shook my hand away and grabbed the towel.

He glared at me, "You're still awake?" I know he meant no harm... I know he gets in a horrible mood every time he goes out for an assassination.

I nodded slightly, "Even in separate rooms, I get worried whenever you leave..." I get worried whenever you get those black envelopes from Iizuka-san... And it shocked me, how the statement I just said really was true. I did mean what I just said. I do worry about him. He despises it, he hates it. But why does he still kill for the revolutionists? Why does he still kill for the Ishin Shishi?

His cold voice cut through the silence, "Don't bother with me."

How could I not bother with you? How can I ignore the pain of someone that has suffered so? I know you don't want to kill Himura-san. I'm not stupid. I can see the hatred on your face every time you are ordered to take a life. How can I not bother with you...?

Softly, I said, "I almost thought I dreamed the night was raining blood." When he didn't reply, I turned away, "Oyasumi nasai Himura-san..." I retreated back to my room, the room that every worker shared.

As I laid in my futon, I couldn't ignore the sounds of water being poured on his hands and face... I couldn't stop thinking about him...


	3. Chapter 2 : Trust

Chapter 2

By Crystal Snowflakes

Author's Notes: It has yet to be corrected. Will be reposted within the next week. Oh, and thank you for those who have reviewed. I really appreciate the reviews.

Disclaimers: All things that are remotely familiar do not belong to me, but to Nobuhiro Watsuki.

* * *

Days became weeks and weeks became months... Time, to say the least, flew by since I had been at the inn. Time flew by for me anyways. I spent most of my time just working at the inn doing the usual routine. Cleaning, serving... I had my fair share of glaring at Iizuka-san every time I saw him as well. He always had that smirk molded upon his face. During the nights when I was not writing in my journal or thinking about Himura-san, I was downstairs waiting for him to return. It was like a routine. From when he left the inn, I would sit quietly and wait for him, quiet impatiently as well, to be truthful. 

Although I had denied myself from the truth for so long, I could not anymore. I had grown slightly fond of Himura-san, always watching, always caring, always waiting... Soon enough, most people thought Himura-san and I were an item.

Iizuka-san had the nerve to congratulate me for my achievement... All he received in return for the congratulation was a glower.

Both Himura-san and I had done nothing at all to stop the rumors from spreading like wildfires, and in less than a day, we were, in everyone's eyes, the most bizarre couple in history. I myself saw no need in stopping the rumors from spreading. Maybe the people of the Ishin Shishi would not think that I had killed him once he was murdered brutally. As for why Himura-san didn't even attempt to stop the rumors... I think he either ignored them completely or didn't care at all.

I brushed the thoughts away as I hear someone practically screaming in my ear, "Gomen nasai Ayami-san... Thoughts have been distorting my mind lately."

"There is no worry, Tomoe-san... Demo... Are you sure you are all right?" She asked sincerely. I nodded, glancing down at the bucket in her hands. Ayami-san grinned, "Could it have to do with a man?"

"Of course not Ayami-san..." I answered.

She had a genuine smile, "Of course not. How could I think like that, am I right Tomoe-san? Gomen nasai." A sparkle lit in her eye, "Now tell me why I do not believe you at all? We are both women. I will even promise I will not tell anyone." She gave me a wink.

"I think you've been mistaken Ayami-san." I said as calmly as I could, "I have to take the flowers back for Okami-san... She is waiting for me. I apologize for the abrupt leave. Maybe we should converse the next occasion when we have more time."

Ayami-san chuckled, "Of course." She looked down, "In any case, the only bouquet of flowers left are these irises here. I apologize for not having any other ones, but the rainy season makes it hard for flowers other than irises to bloom."

"Do not worry yourself over it. Besides, I do not think Okami-san would mind it too much as long as I have some flowers to bring back. I thank you again Ayami-san." I bowed, "I shall see you the next time."

"Farewell, Tomoe-san." She gave another wink, "Wish you good luck."

I felt my face flush slightly, just slightly. Maybe Ayami-san didn't see, but I knew that was not the case when she started chuckling to herself. Without another word, I turned around and headed towards the inn, relieved that I would not be questioned by her again. At least not for some time.

As I stepped into the kitchen, I saw Okami-san and Maeko-san at the kitchen. Maeko-san was throwing logs into the oven while Okami-san was drying the dishes with a towel.

"This was the flower shop's last bouquet of flowers... Ayami-san said that the rainy season makes it hard for other flowers to bloom..." I said quietly, putting the flowers down.

Okami-san nodded, "It's been raining a lot lately. At least there are irises."

"What else can I do?" I asked Maeko-san who was still kneeling down in front of the oven.

"Those potatoes," She turned around to point at a bag of potatoes near the corner, "You can peal them."

"Hai." I answered as I advanced to the bag.

Suddenly, Maeko-san gave a loud sniffing sound, "they smell like you."

I blinked, shocked. I turned around to look at Maeko-san to make sure she was talking to me. Sure enough, she was looking straight at me, and then her gaze drifted to the bucket of flowers on the ground.

Okami-san gave me a glance, "Irises smell strongest in the rain, not in the sun."

I was confused again, but she gave no other explanation for what she had just said. For some reason, I felt like there was a hidden meaning to that saying, but when I looked at her, trying to get her to tell me what was on her mind, she broke eye contact with me.

Without much choice, I started peeling the potatoes.

* * *

_**April 30th, 1864**_

_**What is wrong with me? What is going on?**_

_**I feel as if I do not have control of my life anymore. I feel as if someone else is doing all the decisions for me. Where is the hatred I felt for Battousai months ago? Where is that loathing that I will need in the near future? Without that hate, I cannot kill him... Without that hate, I cannot get my revenge... Without that hate, my coming to Kyoto would be futile...**_

_**Another thought has just come to me... Is it that bad for this trip to be futile...?**_

_**-Tomoe**_

Like numerous times for the past couple of months, I heard the shoji leading to the inn slide open. I sat there motionless for a good few minutes before I got the courage to get up and face him. I heard the distinct sound of water. I worked my way down the stairs softly and quietly like I did every time after his assassinations and I grabbed a towel on the way.

When I spotted him this time, he didn't look up or acknowledge me like he usually did. I don't know whether he was ignoring me or whether he didn't see me. No words escaped his lips and he continuously scrubbed his hands ruthlessly. Mere minutes later, his hands had become raw and had started bleeding. The water had a pinkish tint to it.

I thought for a moment before I walked up to him and held his hands together tightly. "Don't scrub anymore Himura-san. Your hands are beginning to bleed." He continued glaring at his hands furiously, his eyes not drifting. Trusting he wouldn't scrub anymore for the instant, I quickly went to the kitchen to grab a roll of bandages. "Look at me Himura-san." I ordered and he complied slowly. The moment I caught glimpse of his eyes, I almost lost my self-control. I found it hard to breathe for a second, and then I composed myself. His eyes had lost their intense and lively glow. They were lifeless. "Himura-san..."

I studied his eyes while he studied mine, "Allow me to dress up your hands..." When he was silent, I dried his wet hands with the towel I was holding and began to dress his hand up. "I wish you could stop doing that to your hands... I get worried about"

He cut my speech off completely, "I killed an innocent by-passer. Why should you worry about an assassin like me anyways?" His voice was cold and strained. A look of anger, pain and despair flashed by his eyes. I sat there, half shocked, the other half expecting his reply. I wanted to ask him why he killed him if it was going to cause him pain, but he read my mind, "I leave no witnesses."

"What about me?" I looked at him, my curiosity unhidden.

His eyes stayed on my face the whole time he replied, "You were an exception. You were the only exception."

When you killed Kiyosato-san... What was your reaction? He was only at the wrong place at the wrong time... Two months ago, I would've barely cared about what your reaction to killing Kiyosato-san was. I only wanted you dead, but sometime during these two months, my feelings changed. For the better or for the worse, we would have to find out later, but I had started caring about how you thought... I don't want to though... I honestly don't want to care.

Without a second thought, I dropped what I was doing and wrapped my arms around him, whispering words of comfort.

After a long time later, he calmed down tremendously and pulled away, "Arigatou Tomoe... You should head back to rest. You must be exhausted."

"Let me finish wrapping up your hand, Himura-san." I started up where I stopped and finished my job, and then I smiled at him softly.

"Arigatou again Tomoe."

"You're welcome Hi—"

His bandaged hand freed itself from my grip and held mine softly as he squeezed gently, "Kenshin. Himura Kenshin. That's my name. You can call me Kenshin if you want."

I stood there unmoving and shocked for a second, and then said tenderly, "You're welcome Kenshin."

We stood there looking at one another until he bowed. Without another word, he turned away and headed towards his room.

I stared at his outline while thinking over everything that passed tonight, and then I dumped the bloody water out, washed the towel and cleaned up the bandages. I, too, retreated to my sleeping quarters.

_**May 1st, 1864**_

_**Why **should** I worry about an assassin like him? **_

_**An exception... I was an exception... Then perhaps, maybe he is an exception too...**_

_**-Tomoe**_

_**Kenshin... His name is Himura Kenshin.**_

I laid down in the futon for long moments until I could finally sleep, although the conversation still lingered in the back of my head...

* * *

I was in the kitchen stacking up trays, ready to distribute them to the soldiers when I felt a hand on my shoulder, I turned around, "Hai, Okami-san?" 

She nodded towards the trays, "After you are done giving them out, could you please clean up Himura's room? You do not need to serve them the rice."

I nodded, "Hai." Then I slowly walked my way towards the eating quarter, as slow as I could. I did not know how to talk to Kenshin after last night... Would he be different to me? Or the same? Or... Sighing softly, I disregarded my paranoia and continued onwards.

After handing out all the trays and bowls of rice, despite of what Okami-san told me about not serving rice to them, I did. Just because I didn't want to see Kenshin yet. Another surprising thing was that Kenshin was not at the eating quarter like everyone was. That only increased my dread of seeing him.

Finally, I was done and I was on my way to grabbing a broom when I walked into Okami-san.

"Tomoe, have you not cleaned Himura's room yet?"

I shook my head, "I ended up giving them rice. I did not have time up until now."

She sighed, "All right then, go clean Himura's room right now."

I continued my search for a broom, and then carried onto Kenshin's room.

I slid open the shoji to see him alone, staring out the window mindlessly. He didn't seem to have heard me. I looked at him for a few more moments, and then decided to let him know of my presence, "I am cleaning this room. Please leave for a while."

He turned to look at me, I can tell that he was startled, "I don't remember asking you to clean it." He finally uttered after a second of silence, annoyed.

"Okami-san asked me of it."

He looked at me for a long time before he stormed out of the room. I heard Iizuka-san's voice.

_What's with the long face? Did you have a fight with Tomoe?_

I shook my head, sighing. Could Iizuka-san just drop the rumor between Kenshin and I for once? Silently, I began sweeping the floor, stacking up all the books neatly again and putting everything in order. The conversation between Kenshin and Iizuka-san was in the background and I barely paid attention to it. Until I heard something.

_It's tonight. Take care of it._

...No way... Not again... Not after last night. Please. Please let this be a joke... Please let this be anything but an assassination. I don't think he can take it...

Later in the night, I once again kept him company while he washed his hands, but this time... He replied less than he ever did. Finally, I asked him a question I've been waiting to ask for a long time... "Do you intend to keep killing like this forever?"

The only answer he gave me was silence... The whole room itself was silent... All except for the sounds of water splashing and the sounds of his hand being scrubbed raw.

* * *

As I walked past the room where my whole journey actually began, I couldn't help but be curious as to what Kenshin would be doing. Softly, I pushed opened the shoji to try to catch a glimpse of him... The sight that met my eyes almost took my breath away. Kenshin was leaning with his back against a stack of books and napping peacefully, his katana propped up on his shoulder. I sighed softly, suddenly worried for his back and wondering if he was cold, sitting near the window. 

I walked right past the room towards my sleeping quarters and grabbed my shawl. I slipped quietly into his room. Before I put the shawl around him, I studied him, my eyes straying from his peaceful looking face to his sitting position, all the while wondering how such a killer could look so serene in his sleep.

He looked so much more peaceful than he was awake and I almost wished that he could've been like this his whole life. Maybe then, I would've grown to like him as a friend... His features were soft and relaxed like a child's face should be. But I knew once he woke up, his eyes would be those feared by thousands. Carefully, I unfolded my shawl and was about to walk forwards to put it on him when a small toy top caught my eyes. A smile graced my face.

While I approached him, thoughts began running through my head at an insanely fast speed. The thought itself was horrible. Him. Battousai. Finally, I brushed the thoughts away again and put my shawl around him, only to be caught staring at his scar. The scar Kiyosato-san gave him... My fingers unwillingly reached down to touch it... And I find myself gasping in horror.

His once peaceful eyes snapped open to reveal the harsh, yet beautiful amber eyes, cold and intense. Within a second, his hand was at the handle of his katana and he drew it out, holding it to my throat.

I was going to die... Perhaps this way, it would be better... Then I would not have to make decisions... Death... Death itself would be a gift.

At the very last second, his eyes widened in shock and he pushed me roughly away from the blade and onto the floor, causing myself to send the books flying in every direction possible.

He looked down in shame for a second, then when he stood up, his eyes were emotionless again, "Sumanai." He sheathed his sword and it was then he noticed my shawl on his arm.

I looked away for a second, "Gomen nasai Kenshin... I did not mean to wake you... But it's getting cold, and you were near the window... Gomen..." I was rambling.

He apologized again.

I kneeled down and started stacking the books up again, "Have you read all these?" I asked curiously.

Kenshin snorted, "No. None of them, although they're perfect for falling asleep. A hitokiri doesn't need to study." He said bitterly.

I studied him for a moment, "Are you going to continue killing people forever?" I paused, "Remember the day when you told me that I should go look for a place where I won't need my tanto, where I'll feel safe enough to not let my guard down? Kenshin... The only person who hasn't found a safe place is you."

He shrugged it off, "I've been doing that since I was young. I even saw people killed in front of me." He replied quite indifferently. I knew he didn't mean it. And perhaps, I didn't really know, but was just hoping...

Tell me Kenshin... Tell me you do care. Tell me what you're saying is not what you actually believe in. Tell me your indifference is only pretendence... Maybe then, I will be able to change my outlook on you. Maybe then, I can forgive you for killing Kiyosato-san... Onegai... Please... I don't know if I want to kill you any longer... I do not know if I want this revenge to continue on... Especially not on you.

"So you're going to continue killing..." I said quietly.

"It's my role. It won't last long. I don't need you worrying about me." His eyes softened.

But I do worry, Kenshin. Despite what I believe, I do care... I do worry... I want to worry... "Demo..."

He gave me a bitter smile, one that seems to have lost all hope in life, "I am a killer who makes it rain blood. I do not wish for you to know the smell of blood." His eyes softened yet again, "I do not wish for you to know the harshness of war and death."

But I do already, Kenshin... That very night when you decided not to kill me, I learned how blood smelled like. The night I found out about Kiyosato-san, I knew the harshness and bitterness of war and death. There is no redemption for me...

At the thought of Kiyosato-san's death, anger flared again, and I wanted to leave immediately, "I am sorry to have interfered with your affairs. Obviously, I could never understand. Excuse me."

I heard footsteps follow, "Tomoe." I turned around, surprised he had said my name without any honorific. He bowed his head with his eyes closed, "Arigatou..." He was being sincere. He had felt my rage and not knowing what I was enraged about, but knowing that he had caused it, he had apologized. Surely, this man cannot be as heartless as everybody thinks he is...

My anger dissipated immediately, "There is no need to thank you Kenshin. I apologize for my uncontrolled anger. I have work that has yet to be completed. Farewell for now."

"Wait!"

"Hai?" I turned around.

He looked down for a second, as if he was in shame, then looked up and stared straight into my eyes, "I'm sorry again. I bragged that I would never kill a civilian and now... If you had come any closer than you were..."

I gave him my shawl, "Do not worry... The important thing was that you didn't."

He looked at me again, for a long time, and then he said, "I thought about my answer. Whether I would have killed you, if you had a sword... The answer is no. I wouldn't kill you. Whatever happens, I would never do that to you. Not to you... Never."

"I believe you Kenshin." I felt the corners of my lip lift up just slightly and my cheeks heat up, "Farewell for now."

He too, gave me a tiny smile, one that was barely visible... Even so, I saw it clearly.

* * *

_**May 15th, 1864**_

_**To be burdened with such a job at such a young age... How long is the cleansing going to be after the assassination tonight? Who will be the victim? Whose family will be suffering this night? When will he stop? ...And most importantly, will he stop? When will this madness end? Questions fill up my head every second of the day, never being answered...**_

_**Today, unlike the daily custom, I had gone to Kenshin's room to wrap him in something warmer because he was sitting by the window... What happened next almost cost me my life. But then, something happened. Something seemed to have changed in him...**_

_**What can I do Kiyosato-san? How can I seek revenge on a child who has lost his way in life? How can that be right? How can killing him avenge you? Will the revenge relieve me of this sadness or will it pain me even more? If it pains me even more than it does not, should I continue Kiyosato-san? What would you do? What would you want me to do?**_

_**-Tomoe**_

I stared at the stars again, barely concentrated at anything at all as I closed the journal. If this was a normal day, I would be heading off to my futon, ready to fall asleep at anytime... But tonight was not the case. Anger flooded my senses just to think about Iizuka-san. Even though we were both Kenshin's enemy, we were so different... Couldn't he see Kenshin's suffering? Or am I the only one that cares for him enough? Can't anyone else see that he is just human like the rest of us and that every time he kills he loses another part of his soul? Can't anyone else see how doing this job is taking a toll on him emotionally although even he himself refuses to admit it?

I looked up from my sewing, suddenly missing a certain someone's company... And then I smiled softly as I looked down at the article I was sewing. It was one of Kenshin's gi that I had seen on him that was pretty torn up, so I decided to fix it up for him. Subsequently, I remembered a certain conversation we had a few days back.

_Once again, I walked down the stairs quietly and grabbed a towel on my way towards him. I stood behind him, waiting patiently and silently._

_Finally, he looked up from his hand scrubbing and at me, "Awake again Tomoe?"_

_"Always..."_

_He looked down shyly, "You really shouldn't..." He paused, then looked up again, making eye contact with me, "But I really do appreciate you doing this for me. I have never thanked you."_

_My eyes softened, "Don't thank me for it. I get worried about you, and plus, it's not so bad. I'm used to staying up so late anyways Kenshin."_

_He, too, smiled. Then he glanced timidly at me again, "By the way Tomoe, do you mind mending this for me?" He held up his sleeve, which had a jagged cut._

_"Are you all right? Were you hurt?" I asked uneasily. Without his answer, I began checking for wounds._

_He held his hand up, "I'm all right. I wasn't hurt."_

_I frowned, "How did you get that then? And...How was it tonight?" _

_He looked serious for a moment there, "It was as easy as any other night..." Then he looked sheepish at me, "I somehow managed to hook my gi on some splintered wood. I would really be grateful if you can patch it up, but if you can't, I'll understand..." He kept on rambling, "I mean, if you don't want to, I can do it, really. I just can't do it as well as you can... And I really admire your skill in sewing... I know, I know... I haven't seen you repair anything, but I can tell that you can do it quite well... And I'd really like it if you can do it for me..."_

_I raised my eyebrow slightly in amusement, "Of course Kenshin. I'll fix it for you by tomorrow. But really, you need some new clothes. They are all looking pretty tattered."_

_He smiled thankfully, "There is no need for a rush, of course. And thank you Tomoe. Like I said, I very much appreciate it."_

_"You're very welcome. Now if you're done washing your hands, I'll pour out the water for you while you dry your hands, then you can head off to bed and get a good sleep."_

_"Thank you." He took the towel from my hands gently and dried them up._

_I grabbed the bucket and got in the kitchen to pour it all out. When I got out of the kitchen, I saw the rumpled towel on his shoulder and him inspecting his own hands. "What are you doing?" I asked._

_He looked up, "Do you think they're clean?"_

_I walked up to him again and held his hands, "They are clean, no matter how much you think differently." He looked disbelieving, "Will you believe me Kenshin? They are clean, not dirtied, nor more stained than anyone in this inn. Do not worry over such a little thing. Although... Although... It would really be nice if you could stop killing. I do not agree with violence..."_

_"I keep thinking that they're the foulest hands in the world..."_

_"Well, you're wrong." I said bluntly. "Anyways, go to bed. You must be tired, and I am too. So I am heading off. Just leave your gi in your room and I will pick it up tomorrow morning."_

_He nodded, "Thank you once again Tomoe."_

_I smiled softly, "you've said it quite a dozen times. I know you are thankful. Now head off to bed! Oyasumi nasai Kenshin." When he didn't reply, I bowed slightly and headed off. When I got to the foot of the stairs, I heard a faint voice... I didn't know if it was my mind, or if I actually heard it..._

_"Oyasumi nasai Tomoe... Arigatou... Arigatou."_

_Whether or not I actually heard it, I felt a big smile bloom upon my lips._

_

* * *

_

I was taken out of my reverie when a sudden knock was heard. For a mere instant, I was wondering if it was Kenshin, but then, I thought of why he would be knocking since this is his room, and then I thought about how I should have heard him with his water bucket.

By the time I turned around, I was taken aback by whom it was that was standing at the door. "Katsura-san..."

He entered through the doorway, his eyes kept on me, "It's late. I'm sorry to disturb you."

"If you're looking for Kenshin, he's out for the night." I said quietly.

"I know. I'm his superior. I know all of his movements." He said.

...Of course. Of course he knew that Kenshin would be gone tonight. Of course he knew that Kenshin would be at an assassination... He would know who Kenshin would be killing tonight as well... But... But why would he come to him on a night when he's not here? To talk to me? That thought itself was absurd. I was nothing special... Or did he figure out the affiliation between Iizuka-san and I?

He stood there, "You don't have to wake anyone. I came to speak to you." He said.

Did he find out anything? Anything that might give away that I am a traitor...? Or was this... Was this something else? If yes, then what? What did we have to talk about?

Opposite to what I thought, he came, not to talk about me, but about Kenshin...

"Letting a child wield a weapon?" I shot back, almost loosing my cool.

He ignored me, "Madness..."

"Madness?" I asked, confused.

He nodded, "When I was young, Takasugi and I and many of our friends studied under a master of Shouka Sonjuu... Toshida Shouin. He was executed in the Ansei no Taigoku. He once said that we are destroying an era of Tokugawa rule that drove men to madness. If we are to build a new age, we must let ourselves go mad now. To be mad enough not to turn away from our extreme justice. That is the driving force of the Choushuu faction. Himura is the vanguard of this mad justice. He is fulfilling the harshest roles...

"...I do not understand Katsura-san. Are you telling me this because you want me to 'fulfill a role'?"

He looked at me, "I'm not telling you to do anything. I just want you to understand what we're doing here..." He stood up and without another word, walked out.

I followed him with my eyes, all the while wondering why he told me. I sat there for long moments, then I grabbed my journal from my sleeve and began writing.

_**May 27, 1864**_

_**Kenshin is out again... And once again, I am worried sick. Why? Why am I so worried about someone that has made my life a living hell? Why am I so worried about the man who killed my fiancé, my happiness? Why am I worried about him? These are questions I have often asked myself. These are questions I have the answer to deep inside me, yet for some reason, I do not know what the answers are. Perhaps I am not ready to acknowledge them... Or perhaps... I don't know...**_

_**Katsura-san came a while ago. He wasn't looking for Kenshin, but for me. He told me about Takasugi, his friend while he was young, and Shouka Sonjuu... A teaching of how if you are to build a new age, you must go mad... And Kenshin is the front of this mad justice...**_

I heard the shoji downstairs slam open forcefully again and I felt my heart clench in pain again. What happened this time? An innocent by-passer? A wound? Information leaked out? I quickly scribbled the last part of my journal entry.

_**Kenshin... You're so different when you're not killing...  
**_

_**-Tomoe**_

Then I closed my journal and descended the stairs again, while once again, grabbing a towel.

He was washing his hands again, scrubbing... For some reason, he didn't bother looking up or acknowledging me at all. For how long I stood there, I don't know, but he kept on scrubbing. And after a long time, he looked up, "Guards..." He said quietly, "He had a lot of guards..."

I nodded, showing him that I heard and that I understood. I took his hands out of the bucket and dried them with the towel as my mind got carried away...

Kiyosato-san... You were killed this way too, weren't you? Although you weren't one of the people he had to assassinate, but you were with them... That is what got you killed... If only you didn't go to Kyoto... This madness has got to stop...

Kenshin didn't want to kill those guards... But he had no choice in the matter. Leave no witnesses. He had no choice.

"Tomoe? Tomoe!"

I snapped out of my stupor, "Hai?"

He looked at me worriedly, "Are you feeling all right? Is it the lack of sleep? It must be me again, if I didn't stay out so late, you wouldn't be so worried! And you're lacking sleep as well, aren't you?"

I shook my head, "Iie, I'm fine... Don't worry about me. I'm feeling fine. Go head off to your room. I'll just clean everything up, and then I'll come. I have to clean up some things in your room, I was sewing... I hope you don't mind."

"Iie... I don't mind it. I'll head off now then." He climbed the stairs slowly.

I watched, again. Then I tossed the water out of the bucket and rinsed and put the towel up to dry. And I climbed the stairs to Kenshin's room. When I slid the shoji open, I saw Kenshin looking at his gi. "Gomen nasai... You didn't ask me to repair it, but when I saw that this one was just as torn up, I decided to fix it up for you..."

"Arigatou..." He looked shameful, "I shouldn't be treated so nicely... I don't deserve this... I don't deserve you helping me, staying late for me, waiting for me... I am so grateful..." He was grasping his gi.

Softly, I put my hand on his and squeezed it gently, "Don't talk like that about you. I won't have it. And in any case, I like helping you out."

"Arigatou..."

Smiling just a tiny smile, I put my other hand underneath his as if I was caressing it, "Kenshin... Let me stay here for a while. Right now, you need a sheath to hold back your madness..."

He looked at me... astonished.


	4. Chapter 3 : Life

Chapter 3

By Crystal Snowflakes

Author's Notes: Erm, after my very long seven months rest from Rurouni Kenshin fics, I have finally come back. :P Either way, I hope you guys enjoy this chapter :) Oh, and I'm also thinking of rewriting 'The Difference Between Rain and Tears'. I want to continue that story, but I find it hard to write in the same format, so I've decided to redo it. What do you guys think?

Disclaimers: Rurouni Kenshin belongs to Nobuhiro Watsuki and not to Crystal Snowflakes :(

* * *

Today was no different than any other day. I had spent the morning making breakfast, then serving it. I then swept the floor of the inn and cleaned rooms that reeked of alcohol and sweat. In a way, I was glad of the errands, after all, it was really a way to kill time. I had learned that with nothing to do, sitting alone could be a very tiring and boring experience. Although once in a while, it wasn't that bad... I had things to think about at times, for example, Kenshin... 

_A sheath for the blade Himura..._

I took the top that was sitting in the middle of the floor and laid it on the table beside all the books, then started stacking the books in a clean fashion. When I was done, I started sweeping the floor, perhaps paying more attention to this room than any of my other rooms I have done that day.

As the shoji slid open, I knew it could only be one person. Without turning around, I said, "I'll be finished soon."

"I appreciate it." I hear him say, quietly, thankfully.

I shrugged a little, but I felt a smile tug softly at my lips, "It's my job... I am one of Okami-san's housekeeper, after all." He glanced up at him from my broom and the floor, "What is it?" I asked, curious as to why he was looking at me so intently.

"It's really nothing." He replied as he approached me, and finally opened the shoji leading to outside. His eyes slightly narrowed, he glanced at the sunset, motionless.

I studied his face quietly, broom still in hand, then followed his gaze to look at the beautiful sun on its way to rest. And I felt a warmth spread on my cheeks as I remembered what Okami-san suggested this morning when I was making breakfast...

"_Tomoe-chan."_

_I turned around and looked at her, "Hai Okami-san? Is there anything you want me to do?"_

_She shook her head slowly, "No... You've been a hard worker these few months. I was wondering, since it's the Gion Festival tonight, would you want a br—"_

"_No, it's all right, Okami-san. It doesn't matter anyways. I'll be alone, and it really won't make a difference if I work or not."_

_She thought for a second, then shook her head, "Nonsense. I've made up my mind. You're going to take a break. And if you're afraid you're going to be alone, I'm sure Himura would just love to bring you out."_

"_Demo, Okami-san!"_

_The old woman gave me a mysterious smile. "Go on, Tomoe-chan. It's a free night tonight. You won't get many of those after tonight... I have a feeling we're going to be very busy, very soon."_

_I bowed, "Arigatou, Okami-san."_

"Kenshin?"

He looked at me, "What is it, Tomoe?"

I looked down, all of a sudden finding the broom quite interesting, and I wondered briefly if Kenshin could sense my nervousness. "Are you doing anything tonight?"

"No."

I almost squirmed, but I stayed still, "If you don't mind... Do you want to go out with me tonight?" I asked. I heard him utter a confused 'eh?' and I felt like a complete fool. I looked up at the sky, "I got some time off from Okami-san and she insisted that I go out..." I said quietly, "But you know... I don't know anyone, and as much as I deny the fact that I want to go out... Sometimes..." I paused, wondering why I was telling him, "Sometimes... I want to relax outside..."

He gave an understanding nod.

"But it's lonely by myself." _Sometimes, it's nice not to be alone and it's nice to have someone else's company..._

"I see." He muttered softly. When he turned around to look at me, his eyes shone softly, warmly. "Of course I'll go out. When will you be done?"

I felt my eyes blink in confusion. "I... I should be done in half an hour."

He nodded, "That's fine. I'll see you at the entrance?"

I nodded, "I'll be there."

"Good."

* * *

As I finished my chores, I decided to change. I slid the purple kimono off and grabbed my plain white kimono, the one that had been folded in the corner of the room, and changed into it. Afterwards, I took the light blue, not quite purple, shawl with me. Looking around the room, checking to make sure that I didn't leave anything, I left the inn. 

Although his appearance was the same, there was something different about him... It was the same high ponytail, the same dark eyes mingled with tints of amber, the same dark navy clothing... But his stance was visibly different. He was more relaxed, more at peace with himself...

For some reason, seeing him like this sent a string of warming emotions to myself. Feeling this, I felt a small smile bloom on my face as I approached him, "Kenshin."

His eyes brightened slightly, or perhaps a trick of light? "Tomoe."

"So where are we going?"

He gave a small smile, "You'll see."

I followed his figure, two steps behind him, watching his posture the whole time. The second we had left sight of the inn, he had gone immediately alert, but the relaxation was still noticeable. His whole demeanor seemed to have changed tonight... Although I see a different side of him all the time after his assassinations, this one was new... He seemed so... happy.

He had brought me to the place where he had first talked to me... I still remember that night, when I was drinking alone to forget my miseries and I had encountered _him_ by coincidence. And when he had saved me from those two morons and had apologized to me... And when I had, for the first time in my life, seen it rain blood.

As I stepped in, the place seemed brighter... Or perhaps it might be my mood affecting the ambiance. Last time, I was feeling miserable after my fiancé's death... And this time, although I came with the killer of my fiancé, I feel strangely more liberated...

Kenshin ordered two bottles of sake and we talked for a little before it arrived, only a short time later. As he took the first sip, he made a strange sound. It sounded as if he was confused and thinking about something and when he looked at the cup oddly, I asked him what happened as I refilled his cup for him.

He continued looking at the cup, and when I was about to ask again, he looked at me, then shrugged. "It's just been a while since sake has tasted good..."

I gave him a small nod, "Perhaps it's because it's festival time."

He seemed to have accepted the answer. "I guess so."

As I looked at my cup, I felt the need to tell him something. "...I'm opposite from you, Kenshin. I don't drink as much as I do." It's strange... Most people who drink, they drink more and more because they've built up immunity for it... And while that is happening, I have been drinking less and less.

He refilled both our cups as I emptied mine. "Has the alcohol lost its taste?" He asked, purely out of curiosity.

A bitter smile, then a shake of my head. "No... It's just that, unlike before, I've just lost the strength to put up with alcohol..." _...After the incident with Kiyosato-san..._

"Put up with?"

I stared at the reflection in the cup. I looked up at his cheek and at the scar that he got. _That scar that Kiyosato-san had given him before his own death..._ "Has the wound on your cheek stopped bleeding?" I asked, attempting to change the subject.

His eyes turned into steel. "I'd forgotten about it."

"So your wound has healed." I stated, wondering to myself how a wound that was made six months ago was still bleeding.

He shrugged, "It's only stopped bleeding."

He had a point... Just because it stopped bleeding does not mean that it has healed... "Every time I see that cut..." I started warily, "...I wonder what the person who injured you saw." What did Kiyosato-san see during his last moment of life? Did he think about me? Did he think about how much he hated Battousai? Did he think about his family? Or did he think about our marriage? "...You say you kill people to make them happy..." Yet... Somehow, I don't think that's what he truly believes in. I refilled the two cups again, waiting for his answer.

"What?" he looked up.

"...I really don't know how happiness can be attained by killing." I said truthfully, looking at him straight in his eyes.

He seemed to want to shrug my comment off, but at the last moment, he looked down. "Everyday, people die for many reasons... Disease, famine, war..." He paused, "I don't randomly kill people without a reason."

I looked at him, calmly, but inwardly, I was mad... I could picture Kiyosato-san clear in my head. _So do you mean that he meant to die?_ "So you judge people's right to live..." _What right do you have...?_ "But even _that_, you leave up to the others. You just do as you're told!" My voice grew louder with every word said.

Kenshin looked at me, then back at the cup of sake, "If I know a lot about the other person, I'll have doubts... I do it to change the world, and that's all the justification I need."

To change the world? How could a single hitokiri change the world? All you are doing is killing... Senseless killing... How would it help in the long run? How could it help change the world and make this hellhole a better place? And justification? You are not justified to kill people... _What right do you have?_

As I was about to snap a comment at him, loud footsteps was heard at the entrance and we both looked up.

Iizuka-san...

"**Get out of here now!**" He yelled.

Kenshin stood up immediately, "What's wrong?"

"Katsura-san..." He paused, "Katsura-san's in danger."

Before he could utter another word, Kenshin dropped a few coins on the table and I stood up. He grabbed my hand and lead me... Together, we walked through the crowds... Many looked at us as if we were insane, other looked at us with confusion, wondering why we were rushing so on a festival night.

"Late tonight, Miyabe plans on setting Kyoto on fire." The leading figure said.

I felt his hand tighten around mine. "What?"

"He wants to overthrow the emperor." He explained, then continued, "He's broken off all ties with Katsura-san. What's worse is that this has probably been leaked to the Shinsengumi." He stopped abruptly, "I'll go get more help. You go to the meeting, Himura."

Kenshin nodded, then watched Iizuka-san run off. Before he disappeared, he yelled something.

"What did he say?" I asked the redheaded hitokiri.

"Kawaramachi Sanjo." He replied, "It's the Ikeda house." He grabbed my hand tighter, then ran without a word in dark alleys where I could barely see his outline, although he was less than a meter away from me. His red hair, although bright, blended in the shadows easily.

As we turned left, five lit torches illuminated the dark path.

"I see him. That's got to be him." I heard one of them say. "It's Battousai!"

Without a second's wait, he stood in front of me protectively, "Run the way we came, Tomoe." He said quietly. I watched his hand touch the hilt of his sword. "Go."

Surprisingly, knowing that it was going to rain within the next few minutes, I was not scared. Perhaps it was because I had grown detached with death and blood, or perhaps it was because that I _knew_, somehow, that no matter what happens, I would not be harmed...

I held his hand gently, "Kenshin... Didn't you know? A sword needs a sheath."

He glanced back at me, his gaze irritated. "What are you saying?"

I didn't back away, "How much longer will you continue killing people?" I asked, perhaps my frustration showing in my voice... I do not want to see your young life wasted away like so... I want to see you live and marry... Have a child... Be happy... "With my very own eyes... I want to see..."

I was tired of seeing him so lifeless on nights that he had an assassination. I was one of the few that knew that the Hitokiri Battousai would feel remorse towards the death... And seeing those anguished eyes... It pains me so. I know he is hurt... And I pity him, but yet, I am mad at him. I pity him because he is only a child, and mad at him, because he is so much more mature than a child, yet he lets others sway him with their decisions...

I feel the emotions wavering in his eyes...

"Stupid fools..." He muttered, soft, yet loud enough for all of them to hear. "You're in my way. Move!" Slowly, he drew his sword out.

"Kenshin..."

He glanced at me, "I tried. I cannot help it if they are stubborn."

Slowly, I nodded. There was nothing he could do if they insisted on wanting to fight... I closed my eyes tiredly, then opened them. I do not want to see him kill anymore...

"Charge north! My name is Heibo Shinosuke!" He yelled.

As I looked at the young man that charged at his own death... I wondered if Kenshin would remember his name. Perhaps not... If he had to remember every name...

Little did I know, I was wrong...

"Your name means _nothing_ to me!" He snarled, then ran forward. A moment later, the blade entered through the front of his chest and exited through the back. Pulling his blade out, the man slumped down on the ground, a puddle of blood quickly growing underneath him.

The second on, he pierced through the neck, then slid his throat open. A series of quick stabbing movements and four bodies fell to the ground. The fifth one lay attached to the wall, a sword in his neck. Quickly, he pulled the blade out, the last body falling on the floor, his clothing covered with crimson liquid...

Kenshin glanced at me with his amber eyes, but when they met mine, the amber disappeared slowly. "Sumanai..."

I looked down, "Kenshin..."

His eyes widened softly, as if sensing something. When I studied his eyes... The amber had appeared again, this time, brighter than before. He was about to run around the corner to some, I would assume, Shinsengumi when I grabbed his sleeve and sword. I shook my head rapidly, not wanting him to kill more than necessary.

At that second, it was as if someone was watching over me...

"Katsura's not there..."

We both freeze in our positions as they continued discussing...

"...And Miyabe and Okuno committed suicide."

I feel his hand clench slightly and pulled at his sleeve again, my eyes pleading, my head shaking. He seemed to hesitate for a mere second before he, too, nodded his head.

I gave a small smile of gratitude.

* * *

As we reached the inn, with him checking our backs every two seconds, I caught sight of Okami-san. She was standing at the entrance worriedly, two bags of things under her arms. I frowned as I noticed my familiar bag. 

Kenshin approached her, "Is Katsura-san here?"

"No..." She stated, then looked around suspiciously, "...We heard about the Ikeda house." She glanced at me. "This place is dangerous as well, so please, hurry up and go through the back."

He nodded and took a bag from her hands. Thanking her quietly, he disappeared through the doorway.

I took my bag and was about to leave as well when I heard the old lady call my name.

"Tomoe-chan..."

"Hai Okami-san?"

She gave a glance at the doorway that Kenshin had gone through barely a minute ago. "...Remember the irises."

I felt a frown form on my face in confusion.

She looked at me, straight in the eye... Her gaze was intense. "Irises... They smell strongest in the rain..." She paused slightly, as if thinking whether or not she should continue. "...Even when it's raining blood."

An understanding somehow formed in my head. Quietly, I bowed to her, thankful of everything she has done for me. As I left, I couldn't help but remember what she said... _Irises smell strongest in the rain, even when it's raining blood..._ The sentence reminded me something of what my mother had once said about the stars...

As I reached outside, I looked up... There were no stars tonight. Everything seemed so dark, silent and foreboding. I approached Kenshin as I caught a glimpse of his auburn hair in the shadows. He stood waiting for me, and when I reached him, he continued his walk. I watched his hair sway in the darkness and I felt myself captivated by the simple movements.

It was only when he turned around that I caught myself gawking at him idiotically. "Are you all right, Tomoe?"

I shook my head, then looked up, "I'm fine, Kenshin."

Frowning, he approached me again and grabbed me by the wrist, "If you couldn't see in the dark, you could have just told me, Tomoe."

I blinked, "But I didn't—"

At the sight of his amused face, I snapped my mouth shut, then proceeded to give him a glare. The corner of his mouth quirked upwards as he pushed open the wooden door leading away from the gardens.

"Himura?"

We both froze in our positions again, for the second time that night.

He turned around quickly as he recognized the voice. "Katsura-san! Are you all right?"

The leader of the Ishin Shishi shook his head. "I was worried... I thought you might be dead." His eyes were filled with regret, "They've gotten into our headquarters, Himura... I've lost everything." He paused for a second as he glanced at me, then at Kenshin. "I think... I think we better just think about staying alive for now." He looked towards the sky, "I've prepared a house for you in Otsu. Please, Tomoe-san, with Himura, will you pretend to be newly weds and stay there?"

I was about to nod when his words sank in... Newly weds? I came to Kyoto to avenge my fiancé... And yet, somehow, after I have met him, I softened. I have become friends with him, I have helped him at nights when he needed someone, _anyone_... And now, I am expected to marry him... And he was no older than fifteen... As I glanced sideways, I noticed that he had unusually wide eyes.

Katsura-san looked at the two of us, "I apologize for doing this, but it is for your safety... If you're married, you'll be less suspicious." He was directing the last sentence at Kenshin. "I'll have Iizuka get in touch with you. Please... Go there, and wait for my word."

The next second, Kenshin nodded.

He left us standing in the dark, both shocked beyond words. As he neared me, he gave me a polite nod, "I'm counting on you, Tomoe-san."

_...A sheath to hold back your madness..._

We both watched his outline blend in and disappear into obscurity and I could no longer see his gi, I turned to see Kenshin... And was surprised to see that he was taking this as hard as I was. He turned his head towards me, a faint smile on his face, "Let's stay together, since I have nothing else to do... I don't know how long it'll last for... But not for cover-up. For the both of us... Until death do us part."

I looked at the figure that had long disappeared again, and gave a small nod. "Hai."

Tonight, many things had happened. For the first time in months, I have enjoyed my stay in Kyoto outside of the inn... Tonight was the night Katsura-san made me Kenshin's sheath... Tonight was the night that Yukishiro Tomoe was no more... It was the night that I married the Hitokiri Battousai. He had taken the place of Kiyosato-san, but somehow, I couldn't bring myself to be angry at him, or at anything. I didn't hate him anymore and for the oddest reason... I wasn't afraid.

We married late at night at an abandoned temple with a priest being our witness... I was partly glad that our wedding was for real, but when this thought crossed my mind, I scolded myself for such a thought immediately. It's just almost been half a year, and already, I am disrespecting the dead...

* * *

The morning of June 10th, 1864, we were arriving at Otsu when I heard a familiar voice yell my name. I turned around quickly to see who it was, but I couldn't help but notice Kenshin continuing to walk in silence without looking back. 

"Ayami-san..." She had been the flower lady I bought flowers from.

"Where are you going?"

Instead of answering her question, I just replied, "Business is difficult. You should get some rest, Ayami-san..."

Then I turned towards Kenshin, who seemed to be walking farther and farther away. At that second, he turned around. "Let's hurry." I heard him say.

Apologizing to Ayami-san, I told her that I needed to leave.

She asked me who that man with the red hair was and I replied smoothly that it was my recently married husband. She gave me a sly grin and I suddenly remembered the talk she and I had the last time I went to get flowers for Okami-san. I felt a faint blush on my cheek.

She laughed quietly, then waved at me.

I gave her a farewell, then walked towards Kenshin, who was still standing still, waiting for me, perhaps. As I reached him, he turned around and continued walking. I did not understand why he was being this cold to me, but perhaps his mind was preoccupied. It is dangerous right now, after all... We do not know what the outcome of the war is, and for all we know, we might all get slaughtered...

At that thought, I grabbed my tanto, just to feel safe... But I felt very foolish. If the Battousai couldn't protect us, a mere tanto being carried by a non-trained woman would not do much...

* * *

The sunlight shone through the house... Yawning, I stood up from my futon and was surprised to hear the sounds of wood being chopped. A hollow, continuous melody. 

We had arrived yesterday... The second I had laid my eyes on the house, I was surprised. It was small indeed, but it was very nice inside... It was perfect for a couple and it was one of those houses I had used to daydream about when I was still engaged to Kiyosato-san... The sceneries were beautiful as well... There were tall mountains far away, but closely, there was a beautiful lake that was clear and calm, white plum trees at every turn.

It seemed that this house was perfect, flawless... Complete. Even now, without Kiyosato-san, I can feel the happiness we can have when living here.

When I was done getting ready for myself, I leaned my back against the wall, listening to my husband... A few seconds later, I slid open the shoji. "Sorry to keep you waiting..."

He didn't reply, but got up and untied the rope holding onto his sleeves. He smiled at me, softly, a visible sort of contentment on his face. "The weather is good today, Tomoe... It really puts me in a good mood." He gave me a smile again. It looked so warm, carefree... I was so glad for him that I smiled back. I did not understand... Had this house changed him so much in a day? From just leaving the battlefield, he was able to smile...

We walked, at first, keeping the usual distance between us, but he paused all of a sudden and waited till I was beside him. My face reddened slightly, and I hoped that he hadn't see. Kenshin was really a real gentleman, he helped me up when I was climbing my mountain and soon enough, even when I wasn't in need of help, he was holding my hand. I felt warm when his fingers brushed against mine and I could feel my legs turn to mush as my face reddened every time.

I felt like a little girl having her first boy that she liked... And I began watching him. He had these steel cold eyes that made people fearful of him, but when he smiled, it was so warmhearted... And he had the silkiest red hair, a handsome face... And he was the best swordsman in all of Japan.

When we reached the shrine at the mountain, we prayed, hopeful that perhaps we would not have to go back to the hellhole that was currently named Kyoto. Hand in hand, slowly, quietly, peacefully, we walked to the shore. As I looked out to the sea, I closed my eyes. Everything in Otsu had been breathtakingly beautiful so far...

I felt his presence behind me and I opened my eyes. He gave me a gentle smile, then closed his eyes, his whole body relaxed...

I took my time to look at the scar that had formed on his face and I had the urge to touch his face, yet I stopped my urge.

A few moments later, he opened his eyes again, and he asked me whether or not I wanted to stay where I was or continue onwards to the market with him. I had decided to stay. The sea had been too beautiful to turn away from and soon enough, I fell deep into my thoughts.

It was a while later when I felt his presence again, and this time, I turned around and greeted him. He handed me a round and nicely wrapped package. Thankful, I looked at him straight in the eye, about to say 'thank you', but the moment I saw him, I knew that there was no need for a 'thank you', nor was there a need for any words. Together, we stood there, watching the sea...

It was windy when we started on our way home and as it blew our way, he held up his hand in front of me. I pressed down on my bangs so they wouldn't be blown everywhere, but as I watched him, I felt another blush bloom on my face... And this time, there really was no denying it. I had, without doubt, grown closer to Kenshin than I ever thought possible...

* * *

_**June 11, 1864**_

_**The question still remains... Do I love him? Do I love the person who has killed my fiancé? Do I love the person to whom I have given myself to? Do I love the most feared man in Japan, one that has threatened my life?**_

_**This question is unavoidable... I know loving him is a disgrace, but yet... I cannot say that I don't, because that would be lying to myself... But I cannot say that I do, because I do not want to love him...**_

_**-Tomoe**_

I looked at my husband, and quietly, I stood up from my desk. Taking the candle, I opened the shoji silently, afraid to wake Kenshin up, and for the first time in many weeks, I looked up at the stars... They shone brightly in the heavens, as if beckoning me... My mother's words repeated softly in my head. For how long I sat there, I really have no idea, but as I grew tired, I closed the shoji and walked towards the futon. Seeing Kenshin leaned against a wall, I sighed softly, worried for his back, as I grabbed the extra blanket that was sitting on our futon. Gently, I laid it on him and I gave him a smile. "Oyasumi nasai Kenshin." I whispered, then slipped into my futon, falling asleep within minutes.

* * *

Like every other night, I cooked dinner and like every other night, we sat together in an awkward silence, eating our meal. It's been a week since we have been in this house and I find it so peaceful and quiet... The only unfortunate thing is that this peaceful life is a bit dreary at times... But when that happened, I would always go out for a walk, or perhaps do the laundry and if not that, then I would possibly cook and go to the market to get groceries. 

Kenshin, on the other hand, wasn't so bored. We would go on walks together sometimes, and he would help with the laundry. He watched me cook and he'd come to the market with me, but... He was surprisingly good with children... On the second day, a boy, by the name of Hisashi Toku had come and introduced himself. Along with him were half a dozen cowering children. Kenshin had welcomed them with open arms and had a fun day with him. I stood in the doorway, although not participating in the fun, watching them... Watching _him_. He had tried to persuade me to play more than once, but I had declined politely. Although I loved children, I wasn't very good with them. I would always be a mother figure to them, just like I was to Enishi and Toshiko-chan.

Toku-kun had been unexpectedly kind and had talked with me, even though I had only looked at them, not a smile on my lips. He had told me how his mother had passed away when he was born and how his father was looking after him. His father was young and a kind and honest man... He had told me how he would want me to meet him when I had the time...

I nodded at this comment, but thinking it wouldn't do much, because to everyone, I was such a cold person.

And little did I know, I was wrong.

As my mind drifted back to reality, I looked up at Kenshin, who was once again, deep in thoughts. Perhaps he was thinking about Kyoto and how Katsura-san was doing... I do wish Katsura-san was doing all right... He was a good man. As I looked at my meal, I frowned. The plate was missing daikons... I had forgotten to buy them the previous morning when Kenshin and I had gone to the market. "Gomen nasai..." I said.

His head snapped open, "Eh?"

At first, I had wanted to snap at him for thinking about that damned war every night during dinner when his wife was sitting right next to him, but I suddenly remembered that I had no right. My mind would occasionally drift as well when we went on walks... And plus, who was I to him? A wife, yes... But it was suppose to be pretend, although I don't understand why we had to go through the real procedure. Looking down at the dish again, I regretted having apologized and bringing his mind away from his thoughts. "There wasn't any daikon to grate."

"I don't mind..."

I looked up at him, "Perhaps not, but it just seems like something is missing..." I was waiting for my answer, but he seemed deep in thoughts again... I wanted to scream and yell, but instead, I finished my dinner quietly. I didn't understand how before we were married, we talked to each other, at least... But now... Sometimes, I would go through the whole day without uttering a single word.

As I finished my dinner, he handed me his empty bowls and plates, and I thanked him. He still hadn't said anything. As I was washing the dishes, I heard wood rolling against wood and I knew that he was once again, playing with his top. For a week, I've wanted to ask him about the top... I wanted to ask whether or not it was from his childhood, but I had a feeling that it would provoke some unwanted emotions, so I kept quiet. As I finished the dishes, I used a towel to wipe the table clean.

"We'll make a field."

I stopped in my tracks, then turned around, to look at him. "Eh?" I said, surprised. He was looking at his top, currently on the floor...

"When I was a kid, I helped around the house a lot..." He gave a small grin, "It shouldn't be too hard."

Blinking, I said, "Is... That so?"

The rest of the night passed quietly without a word. As I watched his sleeping figure, I wonder if I would be able to get him to sleep on his back one of these days...

**_June 18, 1864_**

_**Tonight at dinner, when I told him we didn't have any daikons to grate, he had said that he didn't mind. Later, after the dishes were washed, he told me that making a field wouldn't be too hard... I wonder what had happened in his past that had made him parentless...**_

_**Sometimes, when I look at him, I can't help but look at that terrible scar...**_

_**...Kiyosato-san...**_

_**-Tomoe**_

_**

* * *

**_

Author's Notes: Hope you guys enjoyed that :) The next chapter should be up within a few weeks. Tell me what you think about this!

_-_Crystal Snowflakes

Thursday, March 17, 2005


	5. Chapter 4 : Embrace

Chapter 4

By Crystal Snowflakes

Author's Notes: Another chapter! Hope you enjoy!

Disclaimers: Rurouni Kenshin belongs to Nobuhiro Watsuki and not to Crystal Snowflakes :(

* * *

The previous day, when we had gone to the market, we bought items to plant the daikons... Wiping the forming sweat on my forehead, I looked at Kenshin, who was currently digging holes in the soil. I felt another smile tug at my lips as I watched him, but my contentment was stopped shortly after. 

"Yo! You're in good spirits!"

My head whipped around from the redhead's figure towards the dark-haired one standing near the entrance of our house.

_Iizuka-san..._

Ironic, no? Half a year ago, the man I despised was the Hitokiri Battousai, and now, he is my husband. The man that I loathed now was the man who had planned my revenge for me, who had planned the death of the murderer of my fiancé...

Wordlessly, I walked into the house and made tea and served it to them, then sat beside Kenshin, who was talking with Iizuka-san.

"Hmm..."

Kenshin looked up from his tea, "What is it?"

Iizuka-san attempted a smile. One that looked more like a grimace than a smile, in my opinion. The corner of his mouth was twisted upwards in a cruel fashion and I almost glared at him. "No matter how I looked at it, you two really seemed married."

This time, I didn't almost glare. Shooting him a fierce look, I stood up abruptly. "I'll go plant the rest of the vegetables, Kenshin."

Damn him. Damn that man.

"Did I say something wrong?" I heard Iizuka-san say as I walked away from the house. Even with trying to act innocent, I could still hear the malice behind the fake concern.

"No..." Thank you Kenshin. It's nice to know that you care about your wife. "But more importantly..."

"The situation is not good..." I closed my eyes, pushing the urge to rolling my eyes away. Of course it's not good! The leader of the Ishin Shishi almost died, and now, the most valuable Hitokiri is somewhere in the country hiding. I slipped on my shoes, and then walked away, not wanting to hear the rest of what he was about to say. I was perfectly happy to be ignorant of the news in Kyoto, and I was perfectly happy to not hear that foul man's voice. "After the last anti-shogun battle, there's been a purging of the gangs and anti-government groups..." His voice trailed off as I walked farther and farther away from the house and towards the fields.

I continued to work on the fields as I tried to disregard the fact that Iizuka-san was in my house, talking to my husband. It had felt like hours, under the scorching sun, that I worked. When I heard the shoji slide open, I turned around, relieved. I gave him a small bow as he was about to depart. I did not want to approach him.

Unfortunately for me, he approached me with Kenshin in tow. He gave me a smirk, one that I wanted to wipe off his miserable face with my bare hands. "Tomoe-san... From today on, you're going to be the wife of a medicine seller." Out of confusion, I tilted my head sideways. I watched as Iizuka-san left.

"Medicine seller, Kenshin?" I asked.

He nodded, "Iizuka-san said that merchants aren't looked at suspiciously." He looked at me, "So from tomorrow onwards, we are going to sell it."

I give a short nod.

"I'll finish with the fields... Do you mind starting dinner, Tomoe?"

"Not at all..." I started walking away.

"Tomoe..." I stopped. "Arigatou."

I turned around and gave him a tiny smile, "You're welcome."

* * *

As I sat on the floor like I did almost every night, I stared upwards towards the stars and the full moon. Glancing down, I looked at the flowers I had arranged just a few minutes ago. Looking at the flowers forced me to remember my mother, who, before her death, had taught me the art of ikebana. The stars shone above still, as I listened to my husband make medicine behind me. 

His approaching footsteps made my heart beat quicker than it had before, and I wondered briefly if anything was wrong with me.

"I'd forgotten about the full moons these last few years..."

I nodded, telling him that I heard him... And I began thinking about how he had been assassinating people in the middle of the night these past few years... He had barely enjoyed life then. He hadn't looked at the sky and taken pleasure in nature...

"In the evening, I saw a sunset..." I said quietly, voicing my thoughts out loud, "...What is going to happen in the future? How long are we going to live like this?"

"For a little while... I don't know more than that." He replied curtly.

I looked back at him, who was now retreating back to his medicine making. "Don't mistaken me, Kenshin... I don't mind being here. I just don't like living in fear... I don't like how one of these days, Iizuka-san will come and force you back to Kyoto..."

He looked up, then nodded. "Tomoe..."

"Hai?"

He looked away, "Never mind..."

* * *

I can hear his footsteps outside the house, just walking around, enjoying the sunset, and seeing the vegetation that we have planted. He had woken up early and gotten all the medicine ready. 

_From today on, you're going to be the wife of a medicine seller._

Slowly, I brushed my hair until it shone and then, I tied it in my usual low ponytail. After adding some hakubai-kou, I began walking to the entrance...

...Where I stopped. Unhurriedly, I took out my tanto. I thought about the days that we had spent together hiding, and I thought about the nights I had spent beside him, watching him suffer as he scrubbed his hands raw. I felt my hands tremble at the thought of forgiving... After all, there would be no point of me to leave Edo if I forgive him now. If I leave now, I can go back to my family and live my life... But... I don't think he deserves the pain he gets...

"Tomoe... I want to get back before the sun goes down. Are you ready yet?"

I stood there for a second before I replied. "Hai Kenshin. I'm ready." Walking back towards the desk I had left not a minute ago, I opened the drawer, then left the tanto I had kept with me for months.

Part of me still blames him for Kiyosato-san's death... But...

...I want to protect him. I want to protect him from the pain this world has to offer and I want to protect his pure soul. Kiyosato-san... He wouldn't agree with me killing him neither. I want to offer him warmth and I want to be his sheath. I want to be able to protect him from this cruel heartless world with its cold realities.

Walking back towards the entrance door, I slid it open in one quick motion and looked up at the welcoming sun. It felt so refreshing without my tanto... It was as if I had laid my burdens down... I am now, the wife of a medicine seller.

We were, to my surprise, walking side by side. I continued looking at the trees, enjoying nature to its fullest the first time in a few months. As I glanced at Kenshin, I felt my eyes widen in surprise at his soft and gentle smile. "Kenshin...? Can I... Ask you a question?" I asked, feeling awkward.

He turned around to me with that smile, "Of course."

"Do you enjoy life here?"

He looked around for a few moments before his eyes returned to me, "Aa... It's so peaceful... There's no more bloodshed... It makes me relieved."

And it was at that moment that I understood how much this had meant to him. He had hated killing with a passion, that much I knew... I had seen him in wretchedness and despair after all his assassinations and I was there to help him... But it was at that moment that I understood how much he had wanted to get away from all the slaughter of a fighting war...

Finally, I replied... "I'm glad."

The rest of the trip passed with a comfortable and understanding silence. Kenshin sat down and opened the basket of medicine while I held the flag. Few people came, but during the afternoon, more came.

"Kenshin! Tomoe-san!"

Both of us looked up simultaneously at a joyful child, hopping up and down as he ran towards us. Behind him, once again, were half a dozen children. I watched as Kenshin's smile brighten as he lifted the squirming child. I watched them as they started a friendly banter. After a while, he put the child down, then started greeting the other children.

"Tomoe-san, how are you today?"

I looked down at Toku-kun, "I'm fine, you?"

"Great!" He gave a laugh, "I like seeing you and Kenshin... Kenshin always plays with me, and you're a very nice lady." At that, he gave a shy grin. "And pretty." He added.

"Is that so, Toku-kun?"

He nodded, "I always tell Otousan about you two! You look so good together... Otousan said that you guys were a match made in heaven!"

"He... he said that, really?"

"Hai!"

I blinked, "I don't think I've ever seen your father..."

Toku-kun gave another one of his boyish grins, "We saw you in the market when you were going with Kenshin... That was before I knew who you were."

"I see..."

"Why do you always look so sad, Tomoe-san?"

"Eh?"

Toku-kun looked at Kenshin, then at me, "Although I agree with Otousan that you two were a match made in heaven... I don't understand... Kenshin... He always acts so happy, but I can see something in him... It's like... He wants to be happy, but he's sad... I don't understand... And you always look so sad... Aren't you happy with one another?"

I looked down, surprised that such a child could be so perspective. But then again, children are always the one who can see through people's disguises... "I'm happy, Toku-kun... Demo..."

"But?"

"There are many things in life that a young one like you would not understand..."

Toku-kun gave a knowing nod, "Otousan says that all the time too..."

"You will understand when you grow up..." I replied quietly as I glanced towards my husband.

The scene had truly one that was heartwarming. A little girl of around five was in his arm, her hands clasping his shirt tightly, and a beautiful smile on her tiny face. Below him were five other children hopping up and down, hoping that the redhead would carry them too. He looked up at me suddenly, his eyes reading mine, a real smile stretched upon his face... And suddenly, I couldn't help it either. I felt a true smile form on my face... Seeing him like this... It made me safe. It made me feel good... And last of all, it made me feel warm.

* * *

When the sun was setting, instead of heading home straight away, we were walking towards another house... Toku-kun was between Kenshin and I, holding both our hands as he swung them around wildly, very much like the child he was. 

His non-stop chatter amused me greatly. "I can't wait till you meet Otousan! He's a very nice man!"

"So I've heard." I replied.

Kenshin chuckled, "Toku-kun, perhaps you're getting overly excited."

The child shook his head, his lips curved up in a grin, "Nope! I'm glad you agreed to meet Otousan! He doesn't have many friends... He's always working, and when he isn't doing that, he's taking care of me... Okaasan is gone, so he says that he has to work extra hard to raise me... And that he doesn't have much time for anything else..." His grin had faded, replaced by a somber look on his face.

I looked away from the sad look in his eyes, for they reminded me so much of Enishi... Looking upwards, I saw a man standing in front of the house, waving. "Ne, Toku-kun... Is that your Otousan?"

Toku-kun looked up from the ground, a smile once again on his face. It was amusing to watch the emotions on a child's face. So quick to change... He ran towards his Otousan and when he reached him, he was scooped up and then cuddled.

We approached the pair slowly, Kenshin and I bowed in respect.

"Good evening." He greeted.

"That's Kenshin and Tomoe-san! They're the ones that plays with us all the time!" Toku-kun gave a grin to his father.

"Ah... Tomoe-san, Kenshin-san, nice to meet you."

Kenshin gave a smile, "Nice to meet you too, Hisashi-san."

For a few minutes, we had a conversation... About the war in Kyoto. From what I gathered, Hisashi-san really was a nice man and I felt a sense of sympathy that his wife had died at such a young age. Kenshin and I had then left his house and were on our way home.

I stood beside him, once again, walking with him. From the corner of my eyes, I looked. His ponytail was swaying with the wind, his eyes somewhat guarded... "He was right."

I looked up at him, surprised that he talked.

"Merchants aren't looked at suspiciously."

I nodded and thought about the man who had uttered those words. Brushing my hate away, looked gave him a small smile, "And the medicine sold better than we expected. I'm very glad."

"Tomoe..." He said quietly.

I turned to him, "Hai?"

"You left that dagger."

I felt my eyes widen as my steps faltered. How did he know...? I watched him as he slowed down as turned around to face me. I gulped... "H...Hai... I left it..." I replied him, "After all... Right now..." I said uncertainly, "Right now, I'm the wife of a medicine seller..."

He gave a curt nod, then looked at me, "It's getting cold. Let's hurry before you get a cold, Tomoe."

"Hai."

* * *

"Tastes good..." He muttered set the cup down. 

I filled his cup, "Does it?"

He nodded as he looked at his sake, "I haven't tasted this in a while..."

Smiling slightly, I took a sip from my sake cup and looked at my husband. "That's true..." I agreed. I thought about Kiyosato-san as we drank so long ago... Memories of him filled my head... And all of a sudden, I produced an image of Kenshin, a sword in his hand, blood raining down... It felt like so long ago that everything has happened, but it has been no longer than half a year...

"What's wrong Tomoe?" I must have looked really down...

I looked at the reflection of the sake, my mind replaying its own images... "I..." I shook my head, "It's really nothing..." I looked at him, "Would you like more sake?"

He nodded and held up his cup. I refilled it. The rest of the night passed quietly... It seemed as if he had known that I was in no mood to talk... And I thanked him quietly.

_**July 20, 1864**_

_**You sleep with your back against the wall once again, your sword propped up against your shoulder... Doesn't it ever hurt? Do you not ever feel sore in the mornings? Do you not get tired of being alert, even when you're asleep? Aren't you ever cold? Do you not ever need someone to take care of you?**_

I looked at him as stood up from my journal, grabbing a blanket and laid it over him. I took off my uwagi as well and put it on his back so he would not catch a cold. "Oyasumi nasai... anata." I whispered so quietly that even I had trouble hearing it.

_**The medicine today sold better than I thought it would... You asked me today why I had left my tanto, and I, myself, do not know the answer to that. Perhaps, in my own way, I have forgiven you. Kenshin... You're so peaceful when you're not killing... What makes me feel worse is that I see someone that hates killing, but is forced to do it for pitiable reasons... It pains me to see you suffer sometimes, and when I think about the times you rub your hands until they bleed...**_

_**I want to try to make your life normal, anata... I want to save you from your demon... I do not think I want to continue this revenge anymore... It is enough. I want to protect you.**_

_**-Tomoe**_

_**

* * *

**_

A week has past since Iizuka-san had last visited us, and he has come once again... Once more, no different than last time, I find myself outside on the fields, working and hiding from his spiteful smirks and fictitious concerns. Even then, I had heard most of the conversation... It really was no difficult accomplishment. After all, they were talking pretty loud.

"Is that so?" I hear Kenshin ask as I approached the house, grabbing the cup of tea on the ground, my mouth dry from dehydration.

"Well, take it easy! Or have you grown tired of the boring life of a medicine seller?" The evil man asked Kenshin and I leaned closer to the house unconsciously, not really knowing why. He had told me that he had enjoyed living here, in peace... Why did I doubt his words now? Why would I think that he enjoyed the killings in Kyoto, when I knew he was suffering so much?

He was quiet for a good moment before he answered, "No... not at all. I didn't enjoy killing people." He finally answered, "Life here... It isn't boring... It has opened my eyes to various things."

Finally, knowing that he was not lying to me, I felt guilty of eavesdropping on their conversation. Putting the cup back to its original place, I walked away from the house again and started to, once again, work on the fields.

An hour or so later, I saw Iizuka-san walk out the house and wave at me, which I had purposely ignored. When he had disappeared, I walked towards Kenshin. For a few moments, I stood beside him, then I bowed, apologizing, "Gomen nasai... I'm not very comfortable with him..." I told him, "I didn't even see him off..."

"It's all right."

"Ne, Kenshin?"

He looked at me, "Yes, Tomoe?"

"Would you like to finish the work on the fields? I'll start with dinner while I finish laundry..." I saw him nod as he looked at the fields, and assuming he was deep in thoughts, I left him be. Walking towards the house, I was shocked as he called my name.

"Tomoe?"

I turned around, "Hai?"

He gave me a small smile, "I'll finish the fields and the laundry."

I felt confusion as I looked into his flickering amber and amethyst eyes. "Laundry...?"

He gave a chuckle, "Maa maa, Tomoe... I may have been a hitokiri... But I _have_ done laundry before."

I nodded, "Hai... Arigatou, Kenshin."

He gave me a smile, and I turned away, bewilderment still running through my head. _The Hitokiri Battousai doing the laundry?_ I felt a smile grow on my face and I hear him whisper a word...

_**Shisho...**_

_**

* * *

**_

Ever since the day Iizuka-san left, it's been raining nonstop... Perhaps it's a premonition, and perhaps, it is just a twist of fate. Either way, today was the first day that the sun had risen... Kenshin had left this morning to sell medicine and he had not wanted me to go, since many were sick and he did not want me to be sick as well...

Toku-kun had grown sick because of the weather changes, so when the children had come looking for Kenshin today, there was no Toku-kun to keep the children away from me...

I watched the boys as they smacked each other around with sticks and I watched the young girls bounce the ball... When she dropped it and it rolled towards me, I picked it up and handed it back to her...

"I'm home..."

I look up at the appearing figure of my husband, his beautiful red hair blowing into the wind, his eyes shadowed by his bangs, his shoulders slumped down wearily...

The children had immediately dropped what they were doing as they rushed towards Kenshin...

"Welcome home! Where were you!" Their screamed filled the empty void.

He gave a small smile at the children, "I was picking herbs and helping the sick... Did you play with Tomoe-san today?" He asked them, patting a few of them on the head.

"Yeah..." The girl replied, then tried to whisper in Kenshin's ear, "But she's not much fun..."

I almost bit my lips as I felt a frown come to my face... I stopped it.

Another girl, the one that had been quiet the whole time, approached Kenshin.

He smiled down at her as he crouched down, "What's wrong, Naoko-chan?" He asked, concerned.

Naoko-chan looked down at her feet, her eyes wide with indecision... "Otousan told me to not play with you because nobody knows what you're up to... But Okaasan said that you took good care of everyone, isn't that right?"

"I see..." A few seconds passed as he patted her head, "I'll be here all day tomorrow. So come and play with the others whenever you'd like. By now, it's getting late. It's time for all of you to go home." As he looked up at me, a smile was on his face...

_A smile, even after what the young girl had said?_

They nodded, and yelled their farewells as they raced away from our sights...

I looked at Kenshin and I see him watching the children with soft eyes... "I'm really sorry... I really do love children, but I'm not used to smiling much... And speaking of smiling..." I continued, my voice quieting down, "You've been doing it a lot lately, haven't you?"

He stopped for a second, his eyes studying mine, but he nodded as another smile graced his face, "That's true... I was born into a peasant farmer family and lost them when I was ten... Then there was the vigorous training in Hiten Mitsurugi Ryu... Now, I'm a Choshu Hitokiri." He muttered, "Whenever I talk with others, no smiles were exchanged..." He continued on, a fond smile on his face, "For the longest time, I didn't know what happiness was... What I fought for before and what I fight for now, is different. These few months have opened my eyes... And I'm glad."

"Kenshin..."

"Tomoe..." He continued, "You have shown me happiness within these few months, and for that, I am very thankful..."

I looked down at my feet, and although no longer wanting to kill him, I felt guilty of ever thinking of something so cruel to do to someone so pure, yet in a sense, tainted...

"...You're very welcome."

Together, we stood at the front of our house, watching the sunset...

"Ne, Tomoe?"

"Yes?"

"Toku-kun... He was looking forward to seeing you today. Would you like to accompany me to see him tomorrow morning, before the children get here?"

I gave a nod, "That would be nice..."

**_August 1st, 1864_**

_**Such a pure heart and such good intentions, but at the same time, his hands are so tainted... **_

_**The road to hell is paved with good intentions...**_

_**-Tomoe**_

_**

* * *

**_

Toku-kun has gotten better over the past few days... But after that one day, the rain hasn't stopped at all. Day after day, it rains... And even then, we cannot stop doing our household tasks, even if the pouring rain makes it much more difficult than it is.

I felt my eyes water at the sight of the drenched daikons... "No way..." I whispered quietly as I felt my knees soak up as I kneeled on the wet ground. I touched the leaves gently, my fingers brushing it softly, "After all that work..."

And after putting so much effort into growing them... After all the work over the past weeks...

Kenshin touched my shoulders soothingly as he held the umbrella, "It's the continuous rain..." He said quietly, looking up at the sky, "It's all right. Half of them are all right... This is a common thing."

I couldn't help but have one tear roll out of my eye. I was become soft and I felt as if I could no longer keep this mask on... It was no longer the daikon I was crying for, but it was for everything that has happened... The death of Kiyosato-san, the irony of marrying the man I was suppose to kill... "But..."

Why was it so hard for me to be happy? Perhaps happiness never belonged to me... Kiyosato-san... I could have been very happy with him, but I never showed him that I loved him, so he joined the night patrol... And was murdered... Kenshin... Although I have sworn to kill you, I do not want my revenge anymore...

My thoughts disappeared as I felt his hand on my shoulder, shaking me softly, "Tomoe?" He asked.

I looked at him, forgetting the tears that were on my face.

"Tomoe, are you all right?"

In his eyes, were the emotions I did not expect... Concern, love...

Feeling my eyes tear up again and without a single thought, I flung myself into his arms and sobbed in his chest... And despite the fact that he was the man that murdered my fiancé and he was the most feared man alive, I felt safe in his arms...

_I love him..._

I felt my fists tighten in shock... And I felt his body tense up as he dropped the umbrella, perhaps in surprise. For a split second, I was afraid that he would push me away from his embrace, and I was afraid that he would tell me that he did not want me to touch him, but to my surprise, he wrapped his arms around me and tightened them...

Even when the heavens were crying and the rain was cold, I felt so warm...

* * *

Night had arrived quickly... And once again, we were sitting, an uncomfortably silence looming over our presence as we drank sake... After coming back into the house, the both of us soaked to the bones, we took our turns to take a shower... 

I felt my mind drift towards my past as I looked at his scar once again... Why did he not ever suspect me of being a spy? Why did he never ask about my past? I really don't understand how he can trust me so much... He knows nothing about me, but I guess, in return, I don't know much about him...

Finally, gathering my courage, I looked him in the eye, "You don't ask, do you?"

He looked up from his cup of sake, seemingly shaken out of his thoughts, "Eh?"

"...About my personal circumstances." I answered his unasked question.

He nodded in understanding as he stared back at me. Those eyes that had first held the cold indifference that had scared me were no longer. "I feel bad towards your father... Even if we are married for real, I have not asked your father for permission... And even if we are doing it to cover our tracks, hiding like this is no different than being a fugitive..." He gave a small sigh, "I don't really think it's my place to ask about your past."

His answer had truly shocked me. Not his place to ask? "You are..." I paused, "Never mind, it's really nothing..."

* * *

He's once again sleeping in his position... 

As I opened my journal, I remember everything as with such a clarity that it scared me...

_Tomoe-chan, at least take this... It's from their parents._

_Thank you for taking the trouble..._

_Of course a second class of a middle class couldn't have taken care of Tomoe-chan, so he had to go to Kyoto._

_At least he showed a lot of caring... This only happened because he joined that patrol group._

_Don't say things like that! Think of Tomoe-chan's feelings._

_Neechan, what's wrong? Answer me? Neechan, what's happened?_

It's those memories again... It's the horrible memories that plague my mind and my conscious... A single tear rolled out of my eye and down my cheek for the second time that day.

**_August 6th, 1864_**

_**You are... You are too nice when you're not killing people...**_

_**-Tomoe**_

_**

* * *

**_

A faint smile found itself on my face as I remembered the scene I had seen earlier that day... The children had come over once again and Toku-kun, now feeling better from his illness, had come over to greet me with his usual cheerfulness.

Kenshin had promised to play with them after he finished the pile of laundry...

The children, wanting to play, had attempted to help the poor man do the laundry... And to make a long story short, they had made laundry a more hideous job than it was. Except, even with the children's attempt to help, his smile never wavered. His eyes shone with contentment...

I chopped the vegetables for dinner as I continued to smile to myself...

Suddenly, I hear a commotion outside and I stood up, wondering if Iizuka-san had once again disrupted our peaceful lives...

As I slid open the shoji, I found my eyes widening at the familiar hair...

"Enishi... Is that you?"

* * *

Author's Notes: Another update...! This chapter is _slightly_ shorter than the other ones... But I still hope you enjoy :) 

**-**Crystal Snowflakes

Sunday, April 03, 2005


	6. Chapter 5 : Protect

Chapter 5

By Crystal Snowflakes

Author's Notes: I have decided to continue the rewritten version of 'Miracles Happen' in this fic. There _will_ be a story change. It will no longer be the same as 'Miracles Happen'. In this new one, Kenshin **does not** **save** Soujiro from his dysfunctional family. That's all I'm going to say. But Soujiro _will be_ a big part of the story at the end, as well as Enishi. And, to be truthful, so will _almost _every character that Watsuki has created. I'm going to try and create the story so that more depth is added to _all_ the characters (which include Saitou, Megumi, Yahiko, Misao, Tokio, etc...) I have a pairing in mind, but I'll ask you all that when I get to that in a few dozen chapters :P (It takes place a decade later :P).

**Please enjoy.**

**Warning: Lime. Rated M**

Disclaimers: Rurouni Kenshin belongs to Nobuhiro Watsuki and not to Crystal Snowflakes :(

* * *

"Enishi... Is that you?" 

His smile brightens up so familiarly that I feel my heart ache sadly. "**Neechan**!" He ran into my arms and embraced me as I watched Kenshin look at me strangely. I motion him to come into the house, and the children, curious, followed him.

I stood in the house, waiting for Kenshin to join us and I almost felt my lips quirk up in amusement as I see the children spying from the door, interested.

"Kenshin..." I started, "This is my brother, Enishi."

His surprised look turned into a small smile, "Well, Enishi, it's a pleasure to meet you." He patted my brother on the head lightly and I felt Enishi's grasp on my kimono tighten, not from nervousness, but from anger. "I'm sure you have lots to catch up on. I'll finish the laundry and tending the fields while watching over the children..." He gave Enishi another polite smile as he walked out of the house, the cheers of the children loud and in high spirits.

If there was anything that I loved about my husband, it was his sense of privacy. He knew that I had my own secrets and he had his own, and so, unless I talked to him about it, he would never ask nor question.

When I looked down at my dear brother, the hatred he mustered for the man I loved shocked me. I had decided to brush it away for the moment. "Enishi... It's been a while." I said quietly. "You appeared so suddenly, so I was surprised... But I'm very happy to see you anyways."

His glare had changed to a very innocent smile.

I gave him a smile as I kissed him on the forehead, "You must be very hungry. I'm fixing dinner right now, all right? And anyways, when did you come from Edo? How is father these days?"

"I have no clue." He answered me as he sat down on the ground.

I started cooking on the hearth and as I stewed the soup, I looked up at him, "Enishi... How long has it been since you left Edo?" I asked, curious.

"Maybe six months... I left soon after you left."

...Then that means that Toshiko-chan is home with Otousan... I couldn't help but feel slightly worried at this news. He was rarely home when I lived there... But if Enishi had stayed, he would at least take care of his younger sister, but now... I really hope Kamiya-san or Kao-chan is taking care of Toshiko-chan...

"...Where are you living now then? And how did you find out about this place?" I asked him again, many questions forming in my head... I reminded myself that asking all the questions at once would do no good but irritate the both of us.

He smiled all of a sudden... No. It couldn't even be _called_ a smile. Such sinister sentiments underneath all the innocent masks... _What has happened to you, my innocent Enishi?_ His... smirk. Although as shocking as it is for me, I could not deny it. His smirk had reminded me of that one man that I hate...

_Iizuka Tetsu._

"It's time, neechan..." He whispered, cruelly. "It's time for you too be happy, neechan. Battousai **must be** **_punished_**."

"Enishi!" I scolded him, "How could you...?"

He looked confused for a mere second, "You didn't hear about it then?" He asked, "That's strange. Didn't that old fart meet up with you a long time ago?"

_That old fart...?_ Who?

A sudden understanding sent my mind reeling, my eyes wide and myself gasping for air.

_Don't ask details. Just remain close to Battousai and keep him in your sight. Always... Have him in your grasp so you can read every one of his mental thoughts. When you discover his weak point, our mutual goals will succeed... I will send you someone that you know and that won't be suspicious._

He did not seem to realize my predicament. "Finally, neechan. Be happy! The time has come to show that bastard heaven's judgment!" He grinned madly. "We can end all of this right now, neechan!" He continued on, so caught up in his excitement... "That is your wish, isn't it, neechan? That's why you left all by yourself without telling Toshiko-chan and I anything. How you can stay in this lonely place with that bastard, I can never understand..." His voice had went from excited to murderous at the mention of Kenshin's name...

How can it be my wish? Why would I want to wish Enishi murdering my husband? How can I truly be happy when my only brother has turned from his sweet self into this... murderous child?

Calmly, I looked up at the eyes of my beloved brother. "Edo..." For the longest time, I have spoiled him. And it was time that I set my foot... He cannot be reeled into this nuisance. He cannot be part of this revenge... "...Go back to Edo." I almost winced at the harsh tone of my voice, but I knew that this would be the only way to get him out of this conflict... If he hated me, then so be it... It was for his own safety.

"What are you saying, neechan?" His chattering had left and he was looking at me, as if I was mad.

"You are the oldest son and heir of the Yukishiro family. I can't let you do such a terrible thing. Do _not_ get involved in this matter." I said firmly.

His eyes narrowed dangerously, "Who cares about the family? I care about **you**, neechan! That's why I'm _here_! I want to help you!"

I knew that Enishi loved me... And at this moment, I felt so happy that he had done so much stuff for me... But it was wrong. I did not want him here, especially not in the middle of the war... He was too young to see blood, too young to understand and actually grasp the meaning of war and death... Too young to understand what love was...

"That's why..." He muttered, as if attempting to make me understand.

But I understood...

I looked down at my hands, those of which who were clenched tightly on my lap, showing my obvious anxiety. "Go back to Edo, Enishi." I said, my cold flawless mask placed on my face, "Do you understand?"

A few minutes of silence made me want to stand up and walk out of the house, acting as if nothing had ever happened...

"What..." He started, slow, angry. "What is wrong with you?" A tear rolled down the side of his cheek, "You won't come... But why... Why do you protect the bastard?" He shouted, his eyes wide with resentment, "Why the hell are you defending him? He's your enemy! He stole your happiness! He's the one you're supposed to hate! _He's the one that made you unhappy!_"

It was a surprise that such a young child can ask questions that even I cannot answer. But... Perhaps I did not need to answer them. All I know is that I love Kenshin... He is my husband and I have the duty to protect him. Isn't that enough?

Perhaps I was being unfair to Kiyosato-san, who had been my first love and who had thrown his life away because he thought I never loved him... But when I had wanted to marry him, he had left Edo for Kyoto, where he had gotten himself killed.

Kenshin _was_ my enemy... But no more. Right now... I want to protect him. It's a fact that he stole my happiness... But in return, he gave me another happiness...

Enishi was right. My husband is the one I'm suppose to hate, but instead, I fell in love with him...

"Enishi... go back to Edo." I said a final time, this time, not leaving any room for any arguments.

I closed my eyes and didn't watch my brother take his leave... I couldn't stand the sight of my beloved brother, once so innocent, now so tainted and so angry... I knew he was disappointed and I knew he was crying... But... I could not do anything anymore.

A few moments later, Kenshin enters through the door. "Where's your brother going?"

I stay silent for a mere second before answer, "He... He's returning to Edo."

"Edo..." He looks thoughtful.

"Kenshin... We've never really talked before, have we? Do you wonder about me? You know nothing about me..." I paused slightly, hesitating a bit. "...Now might be a good time for it. If you don't mind... Can we talk for a while?" I asked.

He sat down beside me, and when he didn't talk, I assumed that he agreed.

I looked at the ground and felt nervous as I started... "As I've said, my real family is in Edo. We always had trouble getting food, but it's not as if we're in poverty..."

_...There are four of us in the family and we lived in peace... Although not the poorest, we weren't wealthy. My father was a warrior, but he wasn't a good one... He was very kind to everyone though. My mother was also very kind... But she died giving birth to my younger sister, Yukishiro Toshiko. Enishi never knew his own mother very well, nor did Toshiko-chan. But I've always taken care of both of them, so they both think of me as their mother and sister..._

Toshiko-chan... I miss you and your innocent smiles... Enishi, I wish you had never gone to Kyoto and seen the bloodshed...

_He's really a cute brother, but he has a bad temper, unlike Toshiko-chan... She's the exact opposite of his brother. She's very quiet... My father told me that she resembled me when I was younger... Despite his bad temper, we had very peaceful days... But all the problems began when I had an arranged marriage. He hated it._

I paused as I watched Kenshin's shocked face. Approaching the stew, I served him a bowl of soup.

_My fiancé was the next in line for succeeding another shogun family. He was a childhood friend who was very nice to people, just like my father. When he chose me to be married to him... I was very happy, since I truly liked him a lot..._

_...But... Even though I was very happy, I could open my eyes widely. I couldn't smile... So I guess... He never knew I was happy._

_One day, he told me how I was obviously not happy as his position as the inheritor of an Imperial family. He wanted to be recognized by others as a great warrior, just to make me happy. He delayed the wedding, then joined the Kyoto patrol..._

_**On a street in Kyoto, he became a person never to return...**_

_I didn't wait to hear any news... So I went to Kyoto... Somewhere in Kyoto, my fiancé died, and along with my happiness, it went with him. For a while, I had blamed the man who had murdered him... But in reality... It was all my fault._

_I might have been able to stop him by crying... But I guess now, I'll never know..._

I felt tears come to my eyes as I thought about Kiyosato-san... His beautiful and boyish smile that touched my heart... And I felt my eyes widen in shock as I felt arms embrace my entire body tightly.

"Tomoe... It's all right... Don't worry, it'll be all right..." His voice soothed gently.

The dinner lay forgotten as he continued to embrace me, never letting go...

"I've been through a lot of bad times... I was born in the middle of a famine; I lost my parents and brothers. Since the age of ten, I've trained relentlessly under the Hiten Mitsurugi school. About a year or so ago... I got into an argument with my master, and I left him to go and protect the people who were being senselessly slaughtered. So then, I joined the Choshu Ishin Shishi and became Hitokiri Battousai. I always thought I could use Hiten Mitsurugi Ryu to aid people, to make them happy... But I soon learned that I couldn't...

"No matter how many I kill, a new era isn't coming. Shisho was right. You do not use a sword to create a new era... I just ended up being a killer over and over again and since then, the smell of blood never left me..."

A fond smile appeared on his face. "But that's when I had just met you..." His voice was gentle, sorrowful... "The questions that you asked made me forget about blood and then, my insanity left me... I no longer smelled blood, but white plums... And up till now, I didn't know what happiness was. You've taught me what it truly is...

"And now, for the first time, I realize what people struggle for and what they are happy for. Hiten Mitsurugi Ryu is impressive, but no matter how good I am, I cannot make a new era by myself... And I can never grant anyone happiness...

"But what I can do is help people that are in need, one by one... So for now, I will kill until the new era arrives... But then... When the new era is here, I won't kill. I want to protect others... And while doing that, I'll try to find a way to make up for the sins that I've committed..."

"I believe in you." I said quietly. "I trust you..."

He nodded, "Tomoe..."

"Yes?"

He was about to say something when he shut his mouth shut. "...Nothing. Perhaps later, I will tell you."

I gave him a nod, "If you need to talk..."

"Arigatou, Tomoe. I will."

"It's getting late... I'm glad you shared your past with me, Kenshin..." I said softly, almost afraid.

"And I'm glad you told me yours... Oyasumi, Tomoe."

I smiled kindly, "Oyasumi nasai..." _...anata..._ "...Kenshin."

* * *

It had been a few weeks, three, to be exact, since Enishi had visited my home... Those three weeks had passed with the usual silence, although it was more of a comfortable silence. It was no longer the discomfited stillness that had filled our household. The children had also visited almost everyday, when Kenshin did not have work to do. 

When we were not tending the fields, doing the laundry, cooking dinner, taking care of the children, making medicine, we sat outside, watching the twirling of the leaves quietly, peacefully, sometimes exchanging small conversation about the things we had done during the day...

Despite my displeasure, Kenshin had started doing the laundry every time... He would wake up early in the morning to do it, sometimes making breakfast before doing the laundry...

It was at this time that I had given up telling Kenshin _not_ to do the laundry... He seemed as if he truly enjoyed doing it, and I personally think it had something to do with the blood on his hands... Other than doing the laundry, he has succeeded in making me teach him how to make food...

He had started out all right, occasionally burning rice... Chuckling, he had explained that when he was young and still under the teachings of the Hiten Mitsurugi Ryu, his master had forced him to cook for the both of them.

I admonished how his master had allowed a young child cook.

Kenshin, had chuckled even louder by then.

Over the past few weeks, his cooking had improved. He had even once told me he was going to make dinner for the both of us, but I had shook my head and told him that he was already taking care of the field, laundry and breakfast, and was making me feel like a bad wife.

At that comment, I had blushed crimson, not knowing what had made me say that.

He chuckled then, saying that the hint of blush was wonderful on my face.

For that mere moment, I had wanted to smack him on the head lightly for teasing me, but it was at that moment that the children had arrived and he, with another one of his famous big grins, had left the house... But not before giving me a peck on the forehead.

I had flushed even further, wondering what had possessed him to do just that.

"Tomoe-san!"

I blinked back to reality as I watched Toku-kun tug at my sleeves. "What is it, Toku-kun?"

He lifted his other hand from behind his other back. It was a big daikon. "Isn't it _big_?" He asked, a big prideful grin on his face.

"Maa, maa, Toku-kun." Kenshin crouched down beside him, Kichiro-kun perched on his shoulders and Naoko-chan following behind him, a cheerful smile on her face. Making sure Kichiro-kun was safely on his shoulders, he took the daikon gently from Toku-kun's grasp. "Do you know what to do after you dig it out?"

Toku-kun shook his head, eyes wide in fascination.

"Here." Kenshin use his other hand and patted it, letting the dirt drop back into the soil. "Do that until you can't get anymore off, then put it on the wooden tray.

He smiled brightly, "Hai!"

Naoko-chan helped her younger brother, Kichiro-kun, off Kenshin's back as they ran off, in search of more daikons to dig.

"Tomoe, are you tired?"

I looked up at him, shaking my head, "Iie. I'm fine, how about you?"

He laugh quietly, "No... And even if I am, it's certain not from the harvesting. If anything, it's the children that is tiring me out."

"You really do have a way with children..." I said quietly, smiling.

He nodded, "I love children... One of these days..." he muttered quietly, perhaps just for himself to hear, "...They are the ones that are going to be the inheritor of the new era..."

For a few quiet minutes, we patted our own daikons after we dug them out as we watched the children with a watchful eye.

He sighed, seeming so content, "I'm so glad we made it before winter."

I nodded, "Hai, they do grow pretty well."

"At first..." He started, "I wasn't sure if we'd be able to harvest them..."

I laid my hand on his arm, "Next year..." I said, shy, "...we can do it again."

He nodded as he looked at me, those eyes shining so brightly with so much satisfaction in life... Those eyes filled with so much wisdom for such a young child...

..._child._ He really was only a child, but I always seem to forget...

"I really wonder sometimes..." My voice was so quiet and with the wind, I was doubting that he would hear it... But the flicker in his eyes told me enough. "...I wonder how long this living will continue on for..."

He looked up at the sun, "I can only hope for more peaceful times... But..."

I nodded, "I know..."

Despite the denial, we both knew that our peaceful lives would only last so long. Perhaps if he weren't who he was, then Katsura-san wouldn't need him as much... But Kenshin is the Hitokiri Battousai, and therefore, his part in the war is essential... I can only hope that I get a few more months of this... And I cannot forget the 'revenge' I have yet to complete...

* * *

"Kichiro-kun," Kenshin patted the young boy on the head, "Take care of Naoko-chan then. Make sure she has the medicine... It's very important." 

The young boy nodded as the mother, who was standing behind him, thanked him, "Arigatou, Kenshin. I wouldn't know what to do without you... Ever since you came here, things have been a lot easier on us. I'm glad we wouldn't have to wait for Tokami-sensei come later in the year. He usually gets here during winter, but seeing the bad weather this year... He might be delayed another few weeks. And with the unexpected snowfall in October..."

Tokami-sensei was the doctor that came biyearly to Otsu to check on the patients.

Kenshin smiled, "You're very welcome. Just make sure Naoko-chan takes the medicine required each day."

Kichiro-kun frowned, "She's going to complain about the smell!"

"Well..." I crouched down as I patted the young boy, "Tell her if she doesn't take the medicine, she won't be able to be in shape to play with Kenshin."

The young boy nodded, smiling. "Arigatou, Tomoe-san!" The young boy then proceeded to run to the back of the house, yelling to his sister about what I had just said.

I felt another smile cross my lips.

"Tomoe-chan, Kenshin, I'm very thankful... And as much as I'd love to keep you here longer, you might have more people you need to see... And the weather is becoming very cold these days..." She trailed on.

Kenshin nodded, "It's been terrible... I'm afraid if you're going to let Naoko-chan and Kichiro-kun out, you're going to have to dress them up warmer. I'll be coming over to visit Naoko-chan next week, just to make sure she's all right, but she should be fine by then."

Inoue-san shook her head, "It's all right, Kenshin. You've already done so much. I can't expect you to come during a snow storm!"

"Don't worry about it. I wouldn't be able to sleep well, not knowing whether she was fine or not." He smiled, "I'll be back next week then. We better head home though..."

She nodded, "All right. Don't let me keep you." She smiled again, gratefully, "Thank you again."

I bowed politely while Kenshin gave a nod.

The roads were somewhat covered with snow and the wind was blowing fiercely. Kenshin stood in front of me, and I think he was attempting to block the wind for me. For that, I was thankful... "Kenshin... Aren't you cold?"

He shook his head, "Not really... Shisho made me train in the snow all the time..."

I nodded, "It must be hard... In the winter when it's so cold..."

"It's not so bad once you get used to it, although it's dangerous. Because your body is conditioned to be used to the weather, it doesn't tell you when you're too cold."

I nodded again and I bit my lips softly, the numbing of my foot starting to bother me.

"We'll be there soon." He said, concerned. "Do you want me to carry you?"

I blushed again, "N...No... It's fine."

He looked back at me, "If you do, just tell me..." He looked at the gray sky, "I think this is it for this year... The next time we go, it will be after the snow melts." He paused, his eyes seeming to darken for just a short second, "That is... If this style of life continues until next year."

A few months ago, I would not question his feelings... "Are you... disappointed?" ...But times have changed, and so have the relationship between us.

"Yes." He said without indecision. "I'm disappointed that this lifestyle has only last as long as it has... I wished..." He changed the topic, "I have never enjoyed killing..."

I listened to him.

_**...Such a pure heart and such good intentions, but at the same time, his hands are so tainted.**_

And suddenly, perhaps due to my numb feet, I collapsed onto the snow. I finally noticed that my breathing had been irregularly hard and short and I felt myself become colder by the second as the wetness of the snow seeped into the kimono...

He turned around and extended his hand, "If you don't hurry up, you'll catch a cold, Tomoe."

"...Kenshin..." I whispered softly, not missing the light pink blush that was barely visible on his face.

He bent down on his knees and embraced me. "Are you feeling very cold?"

Shamefully, I nodded.

"It's nothing to be ashamed of. You weren't trained to be used to the cold..." He gave me a smile as he pulled away from the embrace, just slightly. "Would you like me to carry you?"

"I..."

He chuckled, "Come on, Tomoe-_chan_." He teased softly.

Blushing, I climbed onto his back as he carried his medicine box in his right hand and held me steady with his left. "Are you... all right?" I asked, looking down.

"I'm fine, Tomoe." He reassured me. "All right, let's go home now. We're going to catch a cold if we don't get home soon... And then, I won't be able to help Naoko-chan." He said softly.

I nodded, "Arigatou... Kenshin."

"You're welcome..." He said softly, "Ore wa... Kimi wo... Kimi wo mamoru." He murmured.

I felt my eyes open widely, and I felt my face soften as a smile plastered itself onto my face.

* * *

_When you had embraced me tonight, I had felt safe... I had felt wanted and protected... But... Kiyosato Akira... He died someplace where I wasn't, and with him, my happiness disappeared. I couldn't hold onto the happiness that was right in front of me... It was my fault for not expressing my feelings... Perhaps, if I'd been brave... Then..._

_The more I think about that, the more I have to hate something... Or someone. And I had chosen the murderer to hate, to kill, to avenge. I came on a mission to kill you, Battousai... And yet, you want to protect such a woman... I am suppose to hate you... Right?_

_But why? I don't understand... Why is it that when I see you, I feel my heart clench with sadness... Why is it that I see you, I feel nervous? Why..._

As I embraced him as I felt the need for him... Want for him... And the second he tightened those blood tainted hands around my waist, I knew we had felt the same...

It was not the lust that Iizuka-san had felt for me... But this was love...

_Aishiteru, Kenshin... Aishiteru, anata..._

My face heated up slightly as I felt the yukata slide off my body gently... And I heard our heartbeats pound loudly... Slowly, yours too, slid off...

_Sometimes, I wish I had met you sooner... And if you had never been a hitokiri... But then, perhaps, we would have never met..._

_Warmth seeped into my body as I felt our skin touch each other's..._

_Our lovemaking had been gentle, slow, perfect... As you pulled yourself out of me and wrapped your arms around me once again, I felt the fulfillment in life._

_You let me rest my head on your shoulder and you held my naked body close... So close... And I was so happy..._

_But I knew I did not deserve any of this. I had betrayed Kiyosato-san by marrying you... And I had betrayed you by becoming a spy... I had no right to be happy... But for now, I will hold tight to the happiness that I have... I may lose it in the future, but having had it once..._

"You make it rain blood..." He muttered softly as he kissed me on the forehead gently, "That's what you said when we first met."

I nodded, "I'm glad you remembered, anata..."

"You also said that there's no happiness to be had from killing people..." He paused, feeling my head nod, "But... I will kill people in the future. A new time is coming. I will kill until then, but when that time comes... I will stop killing. I want to protect the happiness of each person I see and rid myself of my sins... If I have you, I can throw away my sword..."

_Anata... Was I really that important to you that you would throw away your sword?_

"Tomoe..."

"Hai?" I asked.

He brushed my bangs away from my face, "I've been meaning to ask for the longest time... Will you... Will you wait for me? I promise you, that I will return to you, and I will protect... For all the suffering and pain that you've had to experience during these past years... I will protect you from all of it in the future. After this... Will you continue to stay with me and help me atone for the sins I have caused...? Will you support me and stay with me?"

I looked at him, astonishment clearly on my face. "...Anata..." I whispered softly, knowing that I could change his future with this one word... A small smile on my face, I nodded, "Hai... I will wait for you. It doesn't matter how long it will take, but I will wait for you. Always anata. Always."

_Perhaps, after so many things that has happened in my life... I can finally be happy. I can finally find my own happiness, and perhaps keep it. Thank you, anata... I don't know what I would do without you... You were the murderer of my fiancé, but you are also my husband... And I love you with all my heart... And so, I will wait for you, no matter what..._

_Time doesn't matter anymore. As long as I know that you love me, and as long as I can remember that, I will wait for as long as I can._

"Kimi wo... Shiawase wa, ore wa mamoru..."

I kissed him on the lips lightly as he kissed back passionately...

The rest of the evening passed as we sat together, in front of the warm hearth, snuggling and talking quietly, kissing and teasing lightly...

_Aishiteru, anata..._

_That's all that matters now._

_

* * *

_

Surprisingly, after that snowfall that night, exactly one month ago, the weather hadn't been too bad. It had started to warm up again, although at times during nights, it would snow just a bit...

"Kenshin!" Naoko-chan and Kichiro-kun shouted as they saw us at their doors. We had picked up Toku-kun earlier today because they had wanted to go to the market.

I was suppose to have gone with them, but during the trip to Inoue-san's house, I had suddenly felt very tired and Kenshin had proposed that I stayed over at Inoue-san's until they had finished going to the market. I agreed.

"Kenshin, Tomoe-chan." Inoue-san greeted us, "I'm very glad the both of you can bring them today."

"Actually, Inoue-san?" Kenshin started, "Tomoe is feeling quite faint today, so I'm wondering if she can stay over until I come back..."

Inoue-san brightened up, "Of course!" She smiled, "One of my friends are here today... Her late husband was a doctor, but I'm sure she can look and Tomoe-chan and tell her what's wrong."

Kenshin nodded, "I'm glad. I was starting to get worried about her..."

"Anata..." I said softly, "I'll be fine. How about you bring the children to the market early, so you can come back before it darkens out. I don't think Inoue-san or Hisashi-san would like their children to go home dark, especially since it's winter now..."

He nodded, "You're right, Tomoe. Well, we best get going. Arigatou, Inoue-san."

The lady smiled, "You're very welcome."

I watched Kenshin carry Kichiro-kun on his shoulder as the other two children laughed merrily beside him.

Inoue-san looked at me, "Come on now, Tomoe-chan. Kenshin will be back soon... Now let's see what Akemi-chan can do for you."

"...Akemi-chan?" I asked.

She nodded, "The friend I was talking about."

"Oh..." I said, not knowing what to do suddenly, "Inoue-san... If you're busy with your friend, I can leave. My house is not so far away anyways..."

"Nonsense!" She said, smiling. "Kenshin wanted you here. He worries for you, that poor boy... At least let Akemi-chan see what is wrong with you..."

I nodded, "Hai... Arigatou, Inoue-san."

Her name was Takagi Akemi... She looked like she was barely in her late twenties, but already a widow... Her husband died of an illness and since then, she had been lonely, visiting Inoue-san weekly, sometimes biweekly...

"Tomoe-san..." She said quietly, "Would it be wrong to assume that you have a husband, and that husband of yours was the young man at the door?"

I shook my head, "No... Not at all... We've been married for just a few months though."

"Have you and Himura-san had any... night activities?" She asked, glancing at me.

"...You mean...?" I felt my face heat up from the recollection of that night a month ago. "No... Not for a while..." I replied softly.

Takagi-san smiled gently, "It's nothing to be ashamed of, Tomoe-san. The both of you are married!" She exclaimed, almost sounding childish, "But... Has your period come late, or perhaps, your breasts have been more tender than usual? Have you been very easy to tire lately and has had to go to the washroom much more than usual? Maybe even vomiting at times?"

"I... Perhaps it is a week late." I admitted slowly, "And I do get more exhausted much more easily... But..."

"But?" She questions.

I gasped softly as I finally understood her meaning, "You mean... No, it's not possible..."

She smiled, "It's not impossible, Tomoe-san." She patted my leg reassuringly, "I think you are pregnant with a child... Congratulations."

* * *

Author's Notes: This is it for this chapter! It's pretty long, I think... But then again, so are all the chapters for _this_ story. Either way, I hope you enjoyed it! Next chapter will be updated in around a week. Oh, and there is a _very **slight** _hint as to what will come later... I _have_ changed history quite a bit, but I'll explain later, just so I don't spoil it :) 

**-**Crystal Snowflakes

Wednesday, April 06, 2005


	7. Chapter 6 : Gift

Chapter 6

By Crystal Snowflakes

Author's Notes: I'm well aware about the history of Takagi Tokio, but in this story, her father isn't someone important from Japan. Her father was a doctor until he passed away.

I had half a mind to make Kenshin yell 'oro!' when he found out Tomoe was pregnant. Quite unfortunate for me, this is more of a serious fic than whatnot :( Oh well. Maybe in my next KT :) And yes, I am planning another KT, which will be uploaded, when two out of my three RK fics are completed.

Disclaimers: Rurouni Kenshin belongs to Nobuhiro Watsuki and not to Crystal Snowflakes :(

* * *

"...A child?" I questioned, finding myself slightly disbelieving of the news. "Takagi-san... I think you've made a mistake..." 

The woman cut her off, "Utter and complete nonsense!" She exclaimed, "I could never make a mistake on something like this, Tomoe-san. My husband was the best doctor here, and I studied the work he did!"

"...I don't mean to offend you..." I said, afraid that I had insulted the lady.

Inoue-san laughed softly, "Oh Akemi-chan!" She said softly, "She's just in denial... I remember when I first found out about my child, I was so happy, yet afraid at the same time..."

Takagi-san nodded in agreement, "That's true... When I first had my child, I was so afraid to tell my husband!" She giggled childishly, "Thinking about that makes me feel young again! I almost feel like I'm twenty all over again..."

I blinked in confusion as I looked at Takagi-san. How old _was_ she exactly? She looked no older than twenty-five... But...

"Maa, maa, Tomoe-san. I'm thirty-eight, just to let you know... Why, my daughter is even a few years older than you!"

_Thirty-eight?_ "...You look..." I said hesitantly.

"Younger than I am." Takagi-san nodded, "Many people have told me that." She sighed wistfully, "It's such a shame she isn't married to anyone yet... I still can't understand why though, she isn't awful looking..."

Inoue-san nodded, "Beautiful one," She murmured, "Tokio-chan is such a beauty."

"Tokio-chan?" I asked.

Takagi-san nodded, "She's my beautiful daughter... She was taken to Kyoto at an early age to learn Kenjutsu... She was always quiet and proper, even when young, but she had an evil streak in her." Her eyes glowed with pride as she spoke about her daughter, and I wonder if I would ever be so proud of my child... And I wondered if my mother would be proud of where I am, at this very moment... "As she grew older, we saw that she was always restless, so at the age of six, we sent her over to my husband's brother, who owned a dojo by mastering his school. His Shisho died a little later, and he inherited it. Tokio visited once in a while still, but she quit her uncle's school after mastering it, and began learning other fighting styles."

"Don't you worry about her?" I asked again.

"I do, but there's not much I can do... I do not agree with a lady being trained so much in the arts of killing, but I _am_ proud of her..."

"Ne, Takagi-san... Is it difficult... Being a mother?" My face blushing slightly from the question. "I mean, how do we know what the child will like and not like?"

The women laughed.

"No!" Inoue-san said cheerfully, "Well, they are a pain at times, but once you have one, I will promise you. It's all instincts. And I'm sure you've played with young children before... If you can take care of Naoko-chan and Kichiro-kun so well, I'm sure you'll be a fine mother."

I blushed more, if that was even physically possible. "Well... Kenshin usually takes care of the children..."

"Well, all the better for you, my dear." Takagi-san said, "Your husband can take care of your son and all you have to do is relax!"

"Well... I'd feel slightly guilty..." I said quietly.

Between the three of us, we talked about raising children... Takagi-san and Inoue-san had started telling tales of the things their children had done... Most were humorous stories while others were adorable to hear about...

Soon enough, the sun was setting and I was wondering why Kenshin and the children hadn't arrived yet... If it hadn't been Inoue-san exclaiming about the sunset and the gently fluttering snow, I wouldn't have known what time it was. I was having so much entertainment from the two ladies that I had completely forgotten about time.

I was starting to get worried, but both Inoue-san and Takagi-san had reassured me that Kenshin would be able to take care of himself and the children. Before I knew it, I was, once again, dragged into another amusing conversation, this time, with stories of their husbands...

A knocking at the door made the three of us look at the door.

Slowly, Inoue-san stood up and walked over to the door as I followed her quietly. As she opened the door, three children and a redhead was at the door grinning, all four of their heads covered with a thin layer of snow...

Kichiro-kun was piggyback riding on Kenshin, his eyes closed in slumber.

"Okaasan! Takagi-san!" Naoko-chan giggled as she hugged her mother, then ran around the house, her arms held out.

"Inoue-san, Takagi-san." Toku-kun said quietly, yawning.

"Ah, Kenshin... I was wondering how much longer you were going to be out there... Tomoe-chan was getting worried."

Kenshin smiled apologetically, "Ah... Gomen nasai, Inoue-san... It seems like we lost track of time." He looked at me, "How are you feeling, Tomoe?"

I flushed slightly when I remembered what was wrong with me, "I'm fine, anata." I replied softly.

Inoue-san gave a short laughter.

"Well... I guess we better get going." Kenshin said as he looked down at Toku-kun, "I still have to bring him back to Hisashi-san."

Inoue-san nodded, "Well, before you go... I'd like you to meet my friend, Takagi Akemi." She shouted softly and I wondered briefly how you could shout and sound soft at the same time, "Akemi-chan! Tomoe-chan's husband is here!"

Takagi-san appeared half a second later, smiling. "Ah, Himura-san." She bowed politely, "Tomoe-chan has been talking about you today."

Kenshin raised his eyebrow amusedly, "Really now?"

I blushed softly.

Both women laughed again, at my expense.

"Ahh... It reminds me when I was still young..." Takagi-san said, wistful once again.

"Anyways, you should go." Inoue-san approached Kenshin and he gently let Kichiro-kun into the arms of Inoue-san. "It's going to start snowing soon, and I wouldn't want you to get stuck in the cold weather..."

Kenshin and I nodded, "Hai. Arigatou, Inoue-san, Takagi-san."

Takagi-san smiled, "Ne, Tomoe-chan. Take care of yourself, all right? If you need anything, just tell me. I'm at Kiyoko-chan's all the time... Don't be too embarrassed." She gave a sly look.

"I will. Arigatou."

Kenshin lifted Toku-kun up to carry on his back. "Are you tired, Toku-kun?"

The child yawned again, "No..."

We laughed softly as we walked towards his house. "So what was wrong with you, Tomoe?" Kenshin asked, his voice filled with concern.

I blushed again, "Ah... Nothing, really... I was just... exhausted. It was much better after I rested at Inoue-san's place."

"Is that so?" He asked as he gave me a look, clearly letting me know he didn't believe me.

* * *

**_October 8th, 1864_**

_**...This child... How do I tell him? Will he love it, or will he hate it?**_

_**I wonder how the child of the infamous Hitokiri Battousai will be...**_

_**...Will he be just as kind and as passionate as his father? Will he just be a normal child? Will the world allow him to grow up like a ordinary boy, or will he be pointed out on the streets?**_

_**Perhaps, only time can tell...**_

_**-Tomoe**_

_**

* * *

**_

I woke up to find my husband's warm and comfortable body missing from my side, but smelled the wonderful aroma in the air...

"Are you up, Tomoe?" I heard a voice coming from the kitchen.

I stood up and tightened the yukata around myself, trying to keep the cold out. "Hai, anata." I said quietly as I stood behind him and watched him make breakfast. "How did you know?"

He gave a quick smile, "I can sense your presence."

"I see..." He continued attacking the breakfast, but I cleared my throat softly, making sure I caught his attention. "Kenshin... There's... There's something we have to talk about."

His eyes darkened slightly. From fear or anger, I could not know. "We can talk now." He said curtly.

I shook my head, "Let's finish the breakfast, and we can talk about it."

He nodded.

Not to my surprise, breakfast was eaten in an uncomfortable tension... I, myself, was too nervous to say anything, while Kenshin, on the other side, seemed like he had, once again, slipped his emotionless mask on. Although his eyes had darkened considerably since our very short conversation in the kitchen this morning and I could see him brooding, wondering what was wrong...

_...Wait._

He stood up abruptly, "I'll clean the dishes."

_...You can't be..._

He stacked them up, not quite in the orderly fashion it usually was.

_...You can't be thinking that I think there's something wrong with you, right?_

"Anata..." I said quietly.

_But, anata... You have such low self-esteem that it's perhaps possible..._

"It's not you. Please don't be like this..." I whispered, "It's not you... Onegai... Come over here and sit down. I really..." I felt a overwhelming sadness, seeing him in such a terrible mood after I had told him that I wanted to talk to him...

_Were you afraid that I would want to leave you, after I had promised you I would stay for you and wait for your return?_

He didn't budge from his position as he looked at me, impassive.

I felt my eyes fill up with tears, "...Onegai."

_You've gone through so much... I would **never** leave you... I can't bear the thought._

Slowly, he kneeled down in front of me as he wiped the tears I never knew rolled out. "What is it, Tomoe?"

I took his hand, "Gomen nasai, anata. I never meant to make you feel sad... I'm sorry I didn't make it clear this morning..."

"...Clear?"

I nodded, "I wanted to talk to you... It wasn't because I changed my mind about staying with you."

His frame seemed more relaxed immediately. His eyes softened and I felt his hold on my hand tighten, "What do you need to talk about then? You seem nervous, scared, even."

I gave him a small smile, "That's because I am, anata."

"Scared? What's wrong then?" His voice had changed. "Is someone hurting you then?" His eyes darkened once again.

"Iie!" I shook my head, "Will you stop jumping to conclusions, anata? You aren't making this any easier for me."

He blinked comically, "...Sumanai."

I looked down at our hands, clutched together...

_Will it last forever, or will one of us die before this war is over? Can I keep the revenge away from him forever? Will I **want** to? He is my husband... Should we not trust each other, and tell the other all our secrets...?_

"...Remember how I was at Inoue-san's yesterday, and her friend was over?" I asked, not really expecting an answer, "Takagi-san... her late husband was a doctor, but she learned quite a few things from her husband... Yesterday, when I stayed over at Inoue-san's place, she found that—"

"Are you sick?" Kenshin asked, uneasily.

I gave him a small glance, one that was enough to shut the Hitokiri Battousai up. "She found out... I'm... I'm pregnant."

He seemed normal for a mere second before his eyes widened in shock. "...And... And that child... is mine?"

I gave him a small nod.

"I'm... going to be a... a father...?" He asked, quite disbelieving of himself.

"Hai anata..." I was afraid that he would hate the idea, but I should have known better... He loved children... And he was such a sweetheart with them. Why would he not love a child of his own? Why not create life, instead of destroying it?

I felt my eyes widen as well and a small gasp escape my lips as I felt arms around me. I felt his head on my shoulder as he embraced me. A small blush bloomed on my face as I tried to hug him back, and managed, but in an awkward way.

"Tomoe..."

"Hai?"

He tightened his hold on me, "Arigatou... For everything you have ever done for me."

_...And thank you for letting me find happiness once again, anata. I never thought it was possible._

_

* * *

_

"What would you like to name the child... If it was a boy, or girl?" Kenshin asked, his hands around my waist as I leaned against him, watching the stars twinkle brightly in the heavens.

_They're really beautiful tonight..._

I smiled softly to myself, "I'd like a boy first... Then he'd look like a replica of his father... Kenji. Himura Kenji."

"Why boy first?" He asked.

I felt his hand play with my untied hair, "Because... Then he would be able to protect the little sister, if ever it had a sibling..."

_I always wanted someone older to protect me from the cruelty of the world... Instead, both Enishi and I have been tainted by the brutal truth... Perhaps... Toshiko-chan would have a much better life than either of us..._

"To protect her..." He muttered, "Just like I protect you."

I nodded, "Hai." Shyly, I gave him a kiss on his cheek, "Aishiteru... anata."

He stiffened for a mere second before he relaxed again, "Aishiteru Tomoe... Zutto."

We sat by the cold for a few more minutes before we both decided it was time to sleep. We slid into the futon and he wrapped his arms around me. It was so comfortable, lying there, my head on his chest... I heard every single one of his heartbeats, I felt every single breath...

...And for now, I was content.

* * *

I shut my eyes lazily as I felt the sunlight in my eyes once again. It was morning. And I can, once again, the smell of breakfast is floating in the air, leading me towards the kitchen. I had planned to stand up and leave my futon, when, the second my skin felt the air, I snuggled back into the warm blankets. 

His laugh approached and I scowled childishly.

"Cold, koishii?" He asked, amused as he kneeled down beside me, and leaned over to gave me a quick, tender peck on the lips.

I nodded, "Hai."

He chuckled, "Well, you should sleep in more. You're pregnant, koishii. You've been a bad girl these few weeks." He scolded gently. "Takagi-san told me to make sure that you have enough sleep."

"Anata... I've had over ten hours of sleep. I think I've had enough. Although... it is quite cold in here."

He nodded as he grabbed the warm winter yukata he had bought for me three weeks ago, right after he had found out I was pregnant. I sat up as he draped it around my shoulders, "Stay in bed for a while. I'll get the fire going."

Shaking my head, I said, "I'll do that. Just finish breakfast..."

"Koishii... Stay in bed." He sighed, perhaps slightly annoyed at my stubbornness, "Onegai? I don't want you or the child harmed."

I pouted slightly, but allowed him to finish the breakfast and get the fire going.

He returned five minutes later, "Breakfast is done... And I feel the place warming up already."

A nod. "Hai. Arigatou."

He held his hand towards me, helping me up.

I swatted it away, "Anata!" I admonished lightly, "For the _last_ time, I am not completely helpless!"

"I just want to help, koishii... You know how worried I am."

Sighing softly, I allowed myself to agree with him. My dear husband, for the past few weeks, have been doing everything in the house, only leaving me to do the little things, such as making dinner, but even those, he was there to watch and supervise me... He had done all the laundry, dishes...

"You're such a worrywart." I muttered.

He gave a warm grin, "Does that mean you'll let me help?"

"It means you're a worrywart."

He bent down to kiss me, "Well, get up then... The children will be here in a little while."

I nodded as I took his hand and he helped me up gently.

"Oh, and before I forget to tell you, it snowed last night, which is why it's so cold... I'll be walking the children home tonight, and I want to see the sick patients one last time..."

"I'll come with you."

He shook his head, "There's a lot of walking to do, and I don't want you to catch a cold."

"But I'm tired of staying inside the house..."

He kissed my head softly as I sat down in front of my breakfast, "If you behave well, I'll let you play with the children outside... But I want you to stay home safely tonight."

"Demo..."

"Onegai, koishii? No arguing please?"

I nodded resignedly.

* * *

I sat on the porch as I laughed merrily, watching Kenshin raise his hands defensively, then hit in the stomach by a snowball. Toku-kun, Kichiro-kun and Masa-kun were chucking snowballs at my poor husband while the two girls, Naoko-chan and Miyoko-chan were building a snowman. 

"Tomoe-san..." Naoko-chan said softly, "I heard from Okaasan and Takagi-san that Tomoe-san was pregnant... Is that true?"

I nodded softly, "Hai."

She gave a smile, "Otousan told me to say congratulations to you... And he said he was sorry to think that you and Kenshin were bad people..."

"It's all right." I reassured the beautiful girl as I gave her a smile, "He has reasons not to trust us."

Miyoko-chan clapped her hands together as she added the arms made of sticks, "So, Tomoe-san, are you thinking of having a boy or a girl?"

Naoko-chan rolled her eyes, "Of course Tomoe-san wants a girl!"

"...Actually..." I said gently, "I want a boy."

"...Why?" She asked.

I smiled at her as I patted her head, "A boy first... Then a girl. Then the boy can protect his little sister..."

"Kind of like the way I protect Kichiro?" She asked quietly.

I nodded, "Hai."

She nodded, "I think I like that idea too... What are you going to name him then?"

Miyoko-chan jumped up in delight, "Oooh... Have you thought of a name yet, Tomoe-san?"

I nodded, "Kenji..."

"Kenji-kun..." They tested the name on their lips. Naoko-chan gave a satisfactory nod, "I like that."

* * *

Kenshin and the children had left when the sun had begun setting... I was still on the porch now, but Kenshin had made sure I was dressed warmly before he left. He had been gone for quite a long time. I watched as the moon illuminated the sheets of white fluff and for a few moments, I studied the snowman that Naoko-chan and Miyoko-chan had built... The five children, along with Kenshin, had later built a much bigger one... 

Although I must say, Kenshin had done most of the work.

Then my eyes drifted towards the stars... And not for the first time that night.

_If the stars are beautiful to you, it means something. It means that you are happy, that you are contented and satisfied about your life. If the stars don't look particularly lovely at all, then it is not the problem of the stars, but yours..._

_...Life is short, and we should not spend our time unsatisfied about our life. The stars are always the same, never changing. Whether they are pretty or not has nothing to do with them, it has to do with you and your thoughts..._

"Okaasan... Am I dishonoring the Yukishiro family, by marrying the enemy? Would Otousan hate me for this? Would Toshiko-chan? And would Kiyosato-san? What about you, Okaasan? I really wish you were here... You were always so intelligent and with so much advice... But then again, all mothers seem like that... Inoue-san... Takagi-san... Even Toku-kun's father..."

I continued watching the gently falling snow as I wished that Kenshin was right beside me, guarding me, embracing me, caring for me... I wish that he was here, taking the loneliness away...

For a while, I sat there, reminiscing the moments I had shared with Kenshin, whether it was under the rain of blood, or the crying heavens, or perhaps the fluttering snow... I felt my heart stop for a mere second when I saw a flash of red in the darkness. I smiled gently and when he was very close to me, I stood up slowly.

"Has anything happened while I was gone?" He asked.

I gave him a shake of my head, "No... I missed you very much though."

"As did I." He wrapped his arms around me while gently pulling me into his warmth. "Aishiteru, Tomoe." He kissed my forehead.

"Aishiteru, anata."

He grasped my hand tenderly, "Let's get you inside before you catch a cold."

I pushed away the urge to roll my eyes at the obvious worry he had for me. "Hai."

* * *

When I woke up, the sun wasn't shining in like it was usually, and there was no smell of breakfast. I looked at the clock. I had woken up two hours before I usually did. Feeling myself frown, I grabbed the warm yukata folded beside the futon and wrapped it around myself as I proceeded to stand up and walk around the house. He wasn't taking a bath, or making dinner... And he was certainly not sleeping. I could not find him anywhere in the house, and worried, I slid open the shoji. 

New snow had coated the earth, covering the small footprints of the young children that had been here the previous day. Trees, too, had been coated in white flurry from head to toe and nothing was moving... Everything was calm and unmoving as the wind whispered with laughter every once in a while.

And it was then that I saw it. The fresh set footpath that had lead from our house... and into the forest.

I wondered briefly if Kenshin was out getting herbs for the medicine, but I quickly banished that thought after I realized my foolishness. It was cold out, and he was not going to visit his patients until winter passed... And the other thing was, the snow had covered everything... Now why in the world would he want to go in the forest so early in the morning?

I was more than half tempted to walk into the forest and investigate what was going on, but I was scared... What if he was simply taking a walk because he couldn't fall asleep and needed fresh air? What would he do if he found me missing when he returned? He would be horrified. And plus, if he found out that I got out of bed... He would most likely be very over-protective... Especially now that I have a child.

_...But... What if he was hurt? What if..._

I quickly brushed that thought away again, knowing I was being too paranoid for my own good. He was the feared Battousai... He would not be harmed so easily.

Brushing all my thoughts away and deciding that Kenshin would come back when he felt like it and that I would _make_ him tell me where he went, I chose to make breakfast instead of going back to sleep again. I wasn't tired at all, due to all the sleeping Kenshin was making me do.

I began the miso soup after I had started steaming the rice, and when I had left the soup on the fire, I grabbed the fish that we had bought a few days ago at the market, and began grilling it. I had been so focused on breakfast that I had not heard the sliding of the shoji or his footsteps approaching the kitchen.

"You're up early today, koishii."

I gave him a look as I flipped the fish over, "I woke up to find you missing from the house... And instead of coming after you, because I knew you would get worried, I decided to begin with breakfast, and then question you about it later."

"...Question?" He asks.

I nodded, "You had me worried for a second there... I thought that you would have gotten hurt... That is, until I remembered that you could protect yourself quite well."

He gave me a weak grin, "Gomen... I didn't think I'd worry you that much."

"So how long have you been waking up early in the morning to leave without my notice?" I asked, giving him another glance.

I saw him wince slightly and I gave myself a triumphant smirk inwardly.

"...Well... I..."

"Well?" I asked, waiting for him as I took a few plates out and a couple of bowls. I scooped the miso soup into the bowls as I waited for his answer. "I'm still waiting, Kenshin."

This time, he flinched inwardly at how I had called him Kenshin. "I've been doing it for a long time... I just never wanted to let you know, and I figured you didn't care at all."

"Anata, you're my husband..." I stated quietly.

"I know... But I didn't want you to be scared."

"Scared?" I asked as I placed the food on a tray and began walking towards the table.

He sat down, "Yes. Scared... Because of the training, I'm adapted to waking up early in the morning and practicing Kenjutsu. And because I knew you didn't like violence, I tried to hide it away from you..."

"...Anata." I said quietly, "I'm not scared of you. Don't mistaken me." I took his hand gently and gave him a soft smile, "You shouldn't be scared of the one you love, and I'm not. You're right, I don't enjoy violence, and I hate this bloodshed, but it's necessary if we want peace... And right now... I want my child to live in a peaceful world without such violence..." I gave him a kiss on the cheek, "...And I know you will do everything you can do to that for our child and for me. And no matter what happens, I will stay by your side and wait for you."

"We're husband and wife, anata. We shouldn't be hiding things from each other..."

_...And I shouldn't be hiding the fact that I wanted to kill you..._

He nodded, "You're right, Tomoe. Gomen. I should have told you earlier..."

"Anata? Would you mind if I watched you tomorrow morning, or perhaps the next time you decide to practice?"

"Iie... But... Are you sure you'll be all right? It's quite cold out."

I gave him another one of my frown, "I'm perfectly capable of staying out in the cold without getting sick, anata."

He told me he was only worried for my well being as he began his breakfast. Halfway through breakfast, I looked at my husband. "Anata? If we had a son... Would you want him to inherit your fighting school?"

"I... I really don't know." He replied, "But... Perhaps... There's still a long way to go. We'll see when we get to it... The war has just begun, and by the end of the war, it might still be too early for him to wield a sword..." He looked up at me, gave a grin, "And, if he turns out like me, he won't be able to train until a lot later... I was very much smaller than the children my age."

I laughed softly, "It's all right. You grew up handsomely, so it evens it out."

He, too, laughed. "And you grew up beautifully yourself, koishii."

* * *

**_November 3rd, 1864_**

_**I feel as if I'm a different person all together... Being treated like this by my husband... I feel as if I'm the luckiest woman in the world, yet it's such a curse. How do I tell him that I have once wanted to betray and kill him? How do I tell him that I had once hated him with all my being? How do I... I cannot, for I love him, more than I love anything in this world.**_

_**While I have shown him what happiness was, he has shown me as well.**_

_**Although it's only been five months that I have lived with him in such a peaceful place, I cannot imagine living the rest of my life without him, by my side, supporting me. It's quite strange...**_

_**I still cannot fathom how the man I was set out to kill ended up being the husband that I love... And once again, I wonder how okaasan would think of me. Would she agree with me and be happy for me, or would she be against my decision? And what of Kiyosato-san? And otousan? Would he be disgusted what I have chosen to do? I can only hope that when we see Enishi again, he will forgive me for being so cruel to him and that he will accept Kenshin... When Toshiko-chan grows up... Would she think badly of me as well?**_

_**These are questions that have been plaguing my mind, but cannot be answered at the moment. I just wish, that somewhere in the future, we will be the happy family that we cannot be at the moment.**_

_**Kenshin is back. He has just finished walking the children home once again and it is time I start dinner.**_

_**-Tomoe**_

_**

* * *

**_

Author's Notes: Another chapter done! The story is nearing the end of the Tsuioku Hen, and unlike 'Miracles Happen', the years following Tsuioku Hen will _not_ be rushed. The chapters will continue to be around the same length, but some may be shorter (I will explain why later). I hope you will all continue to read this :)

The next chapter will have more development between Kenshin and Tomoe, and then, Iizuka will show up, to disrupt everything. Finally, all hell will break loose.

**Wistful-Eyes:** Pregnancy should be noticeable from the way the mother acts after one month :) If not, perhaps a little more than a month.

**-**Crystal Snowflakes

Monday, April 18, 2005


	8. Chapter 7 : Sunsets

Chapter 7

By Crystal Snowflakes

Author's Notes: I found that this was the hardest chapter to write... Because it made me feel so sad. It will be the last time they have their 'normal' and peaceful days together, and it makes me feel very sad :( Either way, I hope you like this.

Disclaimers: Rurouni Kenshin belongs to Nobuhiro Watsuki and not to Crystal Snowflakes :(

* * *

I gave a small whimper as I felt someone shake my shoulders softly. Like I had done many times when I was a child, I pulled the blankets over my head and curled up into the warmth...

That was, until I heard a chuckle. "Maa maa, koishii..." Kenshin said gently as he pulled the blankets down a bit. I shot him a weak glare. "If you didn't want to watch me practice, all you had to do was say so."

"Who said I didn't want to watch you?"

He gave a goofy smile, "Well, I'm afraid that if you don't wake up now, I'm just going to have to leave..."

I shot him another glare as I grumbled and tried pushed myself up from the futon carefully, but failing miserably. Once again, he held his hand out for me, allowing me to accept his help. I grasped his hand tightly and when he pulled me up to my feet and draped the warm yukata around my shoulders, I felt a small flush bloom on my face, "Arigatou, anata."

"You're very welcome." He said quietly, and continued to hold my hand. Even if it was such a small and simple gesture, I could not help but feel that he had done that to show me that he cared for me... "I'll get the fire going and then, we'll go out for a little... I want the house to be warm when we get back... And we're not going out for a long time today. You're still carrying a child."

Instead of arguing and being stubborn, I nodded, thankful that he was at least letting me get out of the house. "Hai."

When the fire had been started and I had been wrapped warmly from head to toe, he held my hands sturdily, but gently, as we walked on the sheet of snow. "Be careful, koishii... It's very slippery sometimes."

I nodded my acknowledgement as I stepped into another one of the footprints, my hand still grasping his tightly.

In a few minutes, we had reached the outside of the forest and there was less snow here. Silently, Kenshin led me into the forest, weaving around trees quietly until we reached an opening... Tall beautiful trees surrounded this one spot as the sunlight filtered through the giant trees.

"Kirei..." I said silently, looking upwards and closing my eyes.

"Aa..." Kenshin replied, "Should we get started?" He asked, looking my way.

I nodded, "I guess so... I'll just... stand here."

He nodded, "Tomoe... Are you—"

"I'm sure I want to see this, anata. I won't be scared of you... Onegai?"

He gave a nod again, and then started his warm-up.

At first, I had only looked at him, swinging his sword in a fatal and amazingly fast fashion, but soon enough, I almost felt myself at awe... There was a reason why _this_ man was called the Hitokiri Battousai. Although not trained in the arts of swords, I could see the astonishing speed at which he was performing...

_Hiten Mitsurugi Ryu, Ryu Tsui Sen!_

His jumps were unbelievable, reaching a height that I never thought could be done by just mere human feet. His sword whistled by the wind with deadly accuracy.

_Sho sen!_

Everyone of his movements graceful and precise...

_Kogarashi!_

His eyes were not only the gentle purple they usually were... But a hint of amber was sparkling with determination, madness...

_Tsumugi!_

His fiery strands flew wildly in the wind as he swung his sword.

_Arashi!_

His breathing was more irregular than before, and even then, I could hear by the breathing that he was nowhere near tired. He looked at me, his appearance had not seem much different than before, other than the few tresses that had escaped and the glowing amber speck in his eyes... "You must be cold." He stated as he looked at my, "Let's head back home and start breakfast."

I nodded as I held my hand out, waiting for him.

He gave me a surprised look.

"I told you, anata... I will not be afraid of my own husband..." I gave him a reassuring smile, "Aishiteru, anata. So please, stop worrying, ne?"

He caught my hand, pulled me closer towards him and gave my hand a squeeze. "Let's go home."

* * *

**_December 7th, 1864_**

_**Many days have passed since that shocking morning... Our lives have been peaceful, joyful, complete... So complete that when I think about needing to leave this life at one point, my heart pounds with pain and anger... Why can we not stay like this, forever... If only he was not the Hitokiri Battousai, and I was not the fiancée of the man he had killed...**_

_**The children have been coming here continuously, everyday, keeping Kenshin and I company. Day after day, when the sun sets, he would carry the children and hold onto their small innocent hands, and walk them home safely.**_

_**An incredible amount of days have passed in this manner... We haven't been interrupted by Iizuka-san's constant visits, nor have we received a single letter telling us the news in Kyoto... Sometimes, ignorance is indeed bliss... To my faint surprise, Kenshin was happy that he was not receiving news, and he had never grown bored of this way of living... I really shouldn't be surprised... He has told me time and time again that he enjoys this style of life very much...**_

_**And right now, perhaps, it is time for me to finish this entry. He is once again, like every other night, sitting on the porch, his katana propped on his shoulder, thinking... perhaps even brooding... I do catch him doing that once in a while, and I am surprise he allows me to talk him out of it.**_

_**I love you, anata.**_

_**-Tomoe**_

I close the journal slowly and blew out the candle. The fire still crackled quietly in the background and I slid open the shoji silently. Kenshin had earlier insisted on closing it so that the cold would not go into the house... He has thought of everything for me, and sometimes, I wonder if I deserve all this kindness and love... "Are you cold, anata?" I asked softly as I laid my shawl on his shoulders.

He shook his head as he looked up at me, "Not at all, koishii." He said quietly, "Sit down, I'll go make some tea."

"Don't bother—"

"Koishii..." He interrupted. "Please..."

"Hai, hai." I said, giving up on arguing with him once again. Over the past few months, I have finally learned that I had ended up marrying someone that was very stubborn. Once he thought of doing something, he wouldn't stop it... And yet, I have to admit, all the things he had thought of doing was for our own good.

He stood up with grace that almost made me envious and pushed me down gently. Without a word, he took the shawl I had just laid on his shoulders off, and then draped it across my own shoulders, "I'll be right back."

I nodded.

A few minutes passed, quite slowly, in my opinion. When he wasn't with me, time seemed to move much more slowly... Soon enough, like always, I found my eyes drawn to the twinkling stars. Another smile crossed my face and I felt my cheeks flush as I thought about how he had treated me the past month.

He was kind, gentle, caring and compassionate... One would never guess, or even believe that the infamous Hitokiri Battousai would be like this... Such love and warmth in those charming... And yet, at the same time... such underlying sorrow.

"What are you thinking of, koishii?" I heard his voice ask as he handed me a cup of steaming tea. "You're somewhat red." He stated.

I smiled softly again, "I'm just thinking about you."

His face seemed to redden a few shades...

A small laughter escaped from my lips, "You're very adorable, anata." I studied him for a few moments before my eyes drifted back towards the stars.

He took a sip from his cup of tea, and I copied his actions, "You're always looking at the moon, koishii... Is there any reason why?"

I felt my eyes widen at the unexpected question.

"It's all right if you don't want to talk about it..." He said as he studied my reaction quickly, "I respect your privacy."

I shook my head slowly, "I'm just surprised, that's all..." I reassured him. "It's not the moon I'm looking at, it's the stars..." I paused. "The stars..." I said quietly, "The stars, they remind me my late mother." I thought about her beautiful face, filled with joy, "She was a very wise woman... And I really loved her, and so did my father... And anyone who has ever met her loved her, for that matter. She was very kind to everyone that knew her, and many people showed up at her funeral after she passed away...

"She was very outspoken, and at the same time, quiet... She was also a very traditional woman, but at the same time, she was always playful around me at times..." I paused for a second as I looked at my husband. "...I think, she would have loved you and gotten well with you."

Kenshin nodded, "I would have loved to meet her..."

The stars flickered mysteriously, as if hiding a secret from the rest of humanity. "When I was young... She once told me that the stars were never changing and that they were always the same... The only difference was the feelings I would be feeling at the time... And the people around me."

"...Shisho told me the same thing..." He muttered softly, "But... instead, it was with sake..."

I nodded, "Is that why you always comment on the sake?"

He nodded, "So the stars..."

I gave him another one of my rare and sincere smiles, "They're really beautiful tonight."

* * *

My hands moved quickly among the pots, hoping that I would be able to finish dinner early, so that Kenshin could eat before walking the children home. He was, as usual, outside with the children, playing...

_You're really good with children, anata... When we have a child... Will you be like this?_

A sudden cheer outside brought me out of my reverie and I turned my head towards the shoji. A moment later, it slid open silently with Kenshin coming in. I blinked confusedly, "What's wrong, anata? Are you not walking the children home?"

He gave me a cheerful, yet boyish grin, "Inoue-san and Takagi-san came over to pick the children up. They'll be leaving soon, but they told me they want to see you before they leave."

"...But the dinner—"

He kissed me on the forehead out of nowhere, "I'll take care of it, koishii. I'm sure Takagi-san wants to talk to you about our Kenji-kun first."

I nodded, "Hai. I'll be back in a few minutes."

"Take your time, Tomoe."

I'll walked towards the shoji, but before I opened it, I glanced back at Kenshin, who was busying himself with the cooking already. Giving myself a small smile, I opened the shoji and was greeted with the sight of both Takagi-san and Inoue-san sitting on the porch, watching the children play...

"Where's Kenshin?" Naoko-chan asked curiously.

"He's cooking inside... Would you like to go and watch him?"

The five children nodded their heads simultaneously and I then moved out of the way so that they could enter. When they had gone in, I slid the shoji closed. Quietly, I, too, sat down on the porch. "Is there something you would like to speak to me about?" I asked politely.

Takagi-san gave me a smile, "No need to be polite, Tomoe-chan. We just like to ask how you're feeling these days..."

I shook my head slowly, "I'm feeling all right..."

Inoue-san gave a giggle, "There's no need to ask _that_, Akemi-chan. Look at her! She's practically _glowing_! Can't you see her flushed face, and her shining eyes?" She exclaimed, her lips blooming into a big grin. "I'm so happy for you, Tomoe-chan..."

"I see it, all right." Takagi-san agreed. "And it seems like it hasn't been only you, but Kenshin-kun seems like a much happier person than before."

I nodded, "He does..."

"I don't know why you two moved to Otsu in the middle of the war..." I stiffened slightly at this comment. Takagi-san continued on, "But I'm glad... You two young ones should not be fighting in the war. Children should not see this bloodshed."

_...Children should not see this bloodshed... That's why you're fighting... For our child, for our future..._

I nodded once again, "I agree on that... I'm just glad that we moved to such a peaceful place, where we can spend it without much worries..."

Inoue-san nodded, "How long will you two be staying here?"

"I don't know..." I replied truthfully. "...For as long as we can, I hope. We... Both of us, we enjoy this sense of quiet and tranquility. It's different from what we've experienced in Kyoto... It was... frightening, at times."

They both nodded, "Well, you seem fine, Tomoe-chan." Takagi-san said finally, after a long moment of silence, "Would you like me to come over to see you every few weeks?"

"That would be very much appreciated."

"Well, I should bring the children home. I'm sure Kenshin would love having those kids off his hands." Inoue-san stated with a small laugh.

I gave a smile, "He loves children..." I said quietly, "I never knew it before I married him... But when we moved here and the children started coming here... He was very happy. He's never really had a true childhood." I said, more to myself than them, but I saw them nod nonetheless. "I must be talking too much... I guess I'll be seeing the both of you in a few days or weeks?"

"Hai. We'll come visit again soon." Takagi-san said.

With that, the two women and the three children walked away from our house. Kenshin laid his hand on my shoulder gently, "Dinner is ready."

"Hai." I turned around and gave him a smile. "Arigatou, once again."

He shook his head, "Don't worry about it. So what did Takagi-san say?"

I pinched him on the cheek teasingly, "Worried about Kenji-kun, aren't you?"

He laughed, "Of course."

"She didn't really say much, but she said I seemed all right... She's going to come visit every once in a while to check on me..."

"That's good."

I nodded for the umpteenth time tonight, "As much as I'd love sitting here and discussing here in the cold, I _am_ getting cold and hungry." I gave him a small smile.

He chuckled, "We can't have you get sick now, can we, koishii?" He helped me up and led me to the kitchen, sliding close the shoji behind us.

Dinner passed quickly, in a quiet manner. We had, without really speaking to one another, agreed to clean the dishes together, and after that, with a blanket wrapped around the both of us, we watched the sunset in silence, each deep in our thoughts, neither of us wanting to interrupt the calming stillness between us.

My mind drifted to where I had met him under the rain of blood... And then until now... So many things have happened that had been unexpected, but I was glad... "Ne, anata?" I asked suddenly.

"What is it, koishii?"

"I was wondering..." I said softly, "Where did you get the top?"

He blinked, "Eh?" A few seconds later, his eyes brightened with understanding. "It was a gift from my father..." He said quietly, his eyes shining with happiness, but with such startling sadness beneath. "We weren't rich, but we got through... Otousan and Okaasan brought my brothers and me to a market once. I was still young then, and I was the youngest out of all of them. I don't remember much... But I remember seeing this beautiful top on a shelf, and wanting it so badly. Like I had said, we didn't have much money, and I returned home, empty-handed.

"I really never expected to see that top again, but on my sixth birthday, I woke up and found this beside my pillow... Cholera soon infected our whole village, and many died... I never expected someone from my family to die though. My eldest brother went first, then Otousan, my two other brothers... And finally, Okaasan left me. Before she passed away, she held the top and clasped it between my hands, telling me how she had loved me, and how sorry she was... At the time, I didn't really understand...

"I carried the top through the hardest times, always reminding myself that my family was watching over me... And since then onwards, this little top had been my treasure." He sighed softly, "But there were many times where I had wanted to toss away, so that I wouldn't spoil the name of my family, but I never managed to do it. It was the only thing I had from my family that I could remember of... Even when I was a slave, I carried it around, always... But in a way, I didn't spoil the name. I'm not who I was. My name is different..."

"What was your name?" I asked as I leaned my head on his shoulder.

He gave me a small kiss on the forehead once again, "Shinta. Himura Shinta."

I nodded slowly, "I'm much luckier than you... Although my mother isn't here anymore, I've spent enough time to remember them... And I've always had my father, my brother, and my sister... In a way, it's relieving to think that you have someone waiting for you..."

"I feel sorry for your father..." He muttered.

I shook my head, "It's not your fault... It doesn't matter to me anymore, anata. I have you by my side, and that's all I want."

"What was your family like? I'd like to hear more about it..." He gave a small smile, "Maybe then, I'd know how to be more of a father."

I gave a smile, "I'm sure you'd be a great father... Look at the way you treat the children, anata. They love you..." I sighed softly, "But my family... We were very happy. Although my mother passed away and I had to take care of both my younger siblings, we were very happy. And although my father was always away, we got by. And things were well until a few months ago... And perhaps, our family has gone to ruins... But that doesn't matter anymore.

"I have you... And I have Kenji-kun. And I'm happier than I've ever been." I said truthfully.

"And I'm happier than I've been my whole life." He echoed as I burrowed my head into his shoulder blades.

"Aishiteru..."

He ran his fingers through my hair gently, "Aishiteru."

I closed my eyes tiredly, and before I fell asleep, I could have sworn he had mumbled something under his breath...

"_It's not blood I smell anymore... Just your white plum scent."_

_

* * *

_

Silence had filled the whole house... The children had not come over today, perhaps from the amount of snow that had fallen the night before. Kenshin was having his breakfast, while I sat in my seat, frozen, as a sense of foreboding reached me.

It's been months since we've lived together... And in just a few days, the year 1864 would soon be over... I really wonder what the future will hold, and I wonder whether we will spend it together or not.

Suddenly, Kenshin's chopsticks slip from his hold as he looked at me, his eyes emotionless... The eyes I had seen under the rain of blood... The amber one that filled every soul with nightmares and fears, the ones that were rumored to be the eyes of the devil...

"Iizuka-san will be here soon."

My own eyes widened as I felt my own grip on my kimono tighten. "Do you think..." _...Do you think that he'll force you to go back to Kyoto?_

"I don't know." He replied curtly.

"Can you promise me one thing, anata?" I said as I started to feel uneasy, "Don't tell Iizuka-san about Kenji-kun. Don't tell him anything about us... Pretend we're still fake newlyweds... Onegai..."

He blinked, "Why?"

"...I don't feel good around him... I don't trust him."

He seemed to study me for a mere second, "All right."

I gave a thankful smile, "Arigatou."

He nodded, "In that case, I'll go talk with him outside... I don't want you going out because you don't feel good around him. You might get sick. Just stay inside quietly..."

I nodded, "Hai."

He finished the last bite of his breakfast and stood up and slid open the shoji, giving me one last glance... And then he left.

Quietly, I stood up and walked with silence and stood against the shoji. It was not the proper thing to do, as a woman, to eavesdrop, but I had no other options. After making sure that Iizuka-san would not know that I was prying, I started listening. It did not matter whether Kenshin knew if I was here or not... he would understand why...

"...Had barely evaded the first Bakufu suppression of Choshu when rumors of the second reached us... Then on the fifteenth of this month, Takasugi got fed up and led the Kiheitai to take back the provincial government... Choshu is in a state of utter chaos right now..."

"Is there any news from Katsura-san?" My husband asked. I knew he was worried about Katsura-san... And I could not say that I wasn't. He is a good man.

"Not this time. No one knows where he's gone and since he's the only one that made it out of the Ikedaya affair, people are calling him Run-Away Kogoro." A pause, "And maybe it's true... Maybe it _is_ over for Choshu now..."

"That's not true. Takasugi-san will win and Katsura-san will come back. What about the capital?"

"It's terrible. The Shinsengumi's controlling everything and patriots are being hunted down everyday by the packs of wolves in light blue coats. The Kyoto Mimawari-gumi and other Bakufu groups are doing their best to outdo them... And it's completely different from before – the city is running with blood. You should be careful too."

"Their first mission is to establish order in the city..."

I decided to stop listening then, thinking that perhaps, since Katsura-san hasn't shown up yet, Kenshin would not have to leave me yet. I busied myself by folding the futon neatly, then cleaning up the table of the remains of the breakfast.

For a few minutes, all I thought of was getting the stains off the table... That is, until I heard footsteps approach. The worried look on my face disappeared immediately as I slipped my mask of indifference back on. The shoji slid open as Iizuka-san came in.

"Ah... Tomoe-san." He said, the usual smirk on his face.

"Iizuka-san." I greeted as I bowed to him respectfully. "How are you today?"

The malice in his eyes... I wanted to slap him, but I refrained myself as I kept my mask on. "Good." He replied as he approached me, "Don't worry yourself over me. I'm just using the washroom." Glancing backwards and making sure that my husband wasn't paying much attention, he leaned downwards. "New Year's Eve." He whispered so quietly that I almost didn't hear it.

His figure then disappeared through the doorway and two minutes later, he approached again. "I'm sorry for intruding, Tomoe-san." He said civilly, a tone that was no doubt faked. "Ja." He slid the shoji open then, then shut.

A few minutes later, when I was sure he had left and was quite far away from the house, I felt my legs buckle and I fell to the ground with a loud thud. Quick footsteps could be heard outside and the shoji, once again, slid open... This time with urgency.

"Tomoe!" Kenshin shouted as he kneeled in front of me. "What's wrong? Are you all right?"

I felt my vision blur quickly as a sob escaped my throat unwillingly.

"Tomoe..." He wrapped his arms around my shoulders as he pulled me close.

I wrapped my own arms around him, my head on his shoulder as I started crying against my own will.

Minutes passed by and I laid on his shoulder in his embrace until tears could no longer come out. I could feel the puffiness of my eyes as I closed them tiredly and I could feel them tingle.

"Are you all right?" He asked softly, his arms never letting go.

I nodded, but just barely. "Hai... I'm... I'm all right."

"What's wrong, Tomoe?" He asked worriedly as he brushed my bangs away from my face.

I shook my head slightly, "It's nothing... It must be one of the inconvenience of having a child," I lied. And then, I attempted to change the topic, "Is Iizuka-san gone yet?"

He looked at me, a suspicious look plastered on his face. "He's left already."

"I'm... glad. It wouldn't be good for him to see me break down like this, ne?" I asked gently. "Anyways, I should do the laundry." I attempted to stand up from his embrace, but I soon found out that it was difficult...

His hand was tight around my wrist. "Koishii... I just hope that one of these days, you can trust me enough with your thoughts and feelings." And with that, he stood up gracefully, grabbed his katana that was tilted against the wall, and exited the house.

I had no doubts that he was perhaps, in a sense, angry and disappointed. He had good reasons to be, and for a mere moment, I contemplated going into the forest and apologizing for my behavior... But in the end, I didn't follow him.

I just didn't have the strength to deal with anything anymore...

Only a few more days left of this peaceful life...

* * *

Kenshin didn't return him till late at night, sweaty and tired. The second he had returned, he had left for the bathhouse without a word to me.

Having been down the whole day because I had been missing my husband and because I was stuck with my melancholic thoughts, I was very glad that Kenshin had returned. When he had stepped into the bathhouse, I immediately began to heat up the dinner that had cooled down overtime.

I was kneeling on the ground, making sure the dinner was warm enough when his figure entered the room. He was wearing a fluffy yukata and his hair had been tied back, despite the wetness.

He stood there for a second, perhaps thinking whether to eat dinner or not. Finally, he grudgingly sat down and began eating.

I watched his graceful movements once again as I began to wonder what would happen on New Year's Eve. I was surprisingly calm.

_...Would you die...? And if you do, will Kenji-kun and I will be able to live without you?_

I felt my eyes prick with sudden tears and I blinked them away.

_...No. I will not allow our child to grow up without a father... If you do die, then you won't be alone._

"Anata..." I said softly.

He lifted his head up, but did not utter a word.

My eyes were on his face, his scar... "I promise you... I'll tell you, but only after New Year..." _...If we're still alive..._ "Don't ask me why... But I can promise you that."

_If we can survive this... I will tell you everything about Kiyosato-san, Enishi..._

He nodded without a word.

I waited for his to finish dinner, then I washed the dishes. As I reached the futon, he was already fast asleep. I was about to write in my journal, but at the last second, had decided against it... Quietly, I slipped inside the futon.

For a few long minutes, I stared at the ceiling, and although I was tired, I could not sleep. It had been too long that I have slept without him by my side, touching me one way or another. Slowly and uncertainly, I curled my body against his side and laid my head beside his. His hands were on his stomach and gently, I laid my hand on his, hoping that I would not wake him up...

...And I felt his hand tighten around mine.

"Oyasumi nasai, anata." I whispered quietly.

His fingers slipped between mine slowly and he squeezed it reassuringly, "Oyasumi."

_...You really are too kind, anata... Only a few more days... And..._

_...I never thought I'd regret this revenge so much._

_

* * *

_

"Toku-kun, Naoko-chan, Kichiro-kun, Masa-kun, Miyoko-chan..." I said softly as I gave them a smile, "Take care of yourselves."

"Hai, Tomoe-san!" They shouted with childish innocence as they waved goodbye at Kenshin and ran down the road.

I looked at the two adults, "Arigatou, Inoue-san, Takagi-san."

Inoue-san shook her head, "We have nothing better to do anyways. And plus..." She gave a wink to Kenshin and I, "Your husband needs to take care of you."

Takagi-san laughed as both our faces flushed, "It's New Year's Eve tomorrow, Kenshin-kun." She said, "We're having a festivity in town tomorrow night, so if you want to stop by, it's open."

_...Tomorrow... It's not even one day..._

Kenshin nodded, "We'll come by if we can."

"Good, good." Inoue-san said.

We bid our farewells and I looked at their backs, the memory of them walking into the sunset, attempting to catch the running children, forever burned in my memory.

Dinner had passed uneventfully and soon enough, we were in bed, our hands tightly held together as the both of us stared at the ceiling... And then, I thought about how this could very be the last time we could spend our nights like this... In a futon, warm and comfortable, feeling safe and at peace...

I wasn't even aware that I was sobbing and crying until he held me close without a word. Not questioning, just curious and confused... But he remembered the promised I had made...

Somehow, unbeknownst to myself, our bodies became bare, and we had made love to each other... Gently, passionately...

This was truly the last night...

In his comforting arms, I feel asleep, feeling protected... But the tears never left my eyes.

* * *

I awoke much earlier than I had expected and quietly, I dressed and brushed my hair... When I was finished, I opened my journal, and began writing...

**_December 20th, 1864_**

I slid open the shoji, and looked back one last time...

_**Many things have happened... He was the one who ruined my life, but he was the one that made me happy again...**_

There was no wind, nor was there the chirping of the birds.

_**For this man's life, I risked everything. I was going to bring him to his death, but that's when... that's when I fell in love with him... I don't want to be the cause of any more death...**_

Silence was truly deafening.

_**That is why... I have to do what I am going to do.**_

A small sincere smile bloomed on my face... It was not the time to cry.

_**Aishiteru, anata... Kenshin...**_

I have to make right the mistake that I started.

_**-Himura...**_

My heart clenched painfully, but outside, I was still smiling... "Farewell, anata... My second love..."

_**...Tomoe.**_

_**

* * *

**_

Author's Notes: Next chapter will be the end of Tsuioku Hen... I hope you enjoyed this. Will be edited in a few days... I just wanted to get this uploaded :)

**-**Crystal Snowflakes

Tuesday, April 26, 2005


	9. Chapter 8 : Betrayal

Chapter 8

By Crystal Snowflakes

Author's Notes: Tsuioku Hen has ended! I'm kind of happy that I can move on with my story, but at the same time, I'm sad, because I'm finally finished writing this beautiful part of the story. Either way, next chapter to be updated in a week or two. Enjoy!

Disclaimers: Rurouni Kenshin belongs to Nobuhiro Watsuki and not to Crystal Snowflakes :(

* * *

White icy flakes were twirling from the heavens as I walked up the snow-covered path slowly, feeling the tears that were threatening to fall out... My feet made crunching noises as I created footsteps in the snow. I looked around and tried to take pleasure in the sceneries, but I soon found out that I couldn't... Not with the sentiments I was feeling right now. 

Finally, I entered through the forest that Kenshin had brought me to. But this time, instead of walking blinding through the trees, I took the trail up the forest... There wasn't much sunlight, seeing that it was still very early and that tall trees had towered over me.

As I walked up the trail, I felt a pair of eyes on me, and I chose to ignore it, sliding on my emotionless mask on. Throughout the walk, I felt a few more pairs of eyes studying me, but like the first, I had ignored it completely...

That is, until I saw a wooden hut at the top of the mountain. Walking towards it... One could say it felt like an eternity, yet lasted only mere seconds. When I reached it, I stood outside for a few moments, hoping that everything would be a dream and that I would awaken, with Kenshin's arms around my waist…

I pushed the door open forcefully and when I caught sight of Tatsumi, I stared at him, my mask not once cracking under his glare. "Why did you get Enishi involved?" I asked, suddenly remembering my brother... And then I felt the anger within me flare.

_To get a child involved in this matter..._

_**...Children should not see this bloodshed... That's why you're fighting... For our child, for our future...**_

"That kid was asking around about his sister, determination set." He said gruffly. "Those above brought him. He is in the same situation as you." He replied as he turned his back to me.

I felt my mask slip, but I caught it in time as he turned around again. "Where are the others?"

"Scattered around the mountains as they wait for your precious Battousai."

I was irritated and I was sure it was quite noticeable, by the frustration in my voice. "Without hearing my news?"

"News?" He asked, slightly puzzled, perhaps. But a second later, he had understood. "Oh yes... Regarding the weakness of Hitokiri Battousai. We don't need it anymore."

"Then what have I gone through all the trouble for...?" I asked quietly as I felt myself frown. What could they do to Kenshin, without knowing his weakness? With no knowledge of his flaws, how can they hope to kill and win?

"Despite what you think," He started, "What you have done hasn't been useless. We didn't need a weakness from you, because we have found one already... No matter how cold of a killer he may be, there is not a single soul who does not want a conversation... His greatest weakness is you right now..."

_Bastard. What right do you have, to use the intimacy between us as his weakness?_

"He is on his way here, at this moment. And now that he knows that the woman he loves is a traitor, his heart must be in chaos, his mind in turmoil. He probably is unable to draw from his true inner strength right now... This is our true goal. Do you understand now, Yukishiro?"

I felt my hand form a tight fist in anger... "You knew that from the beginning..."

_...You knew that he would fall for me and that I would be his weakness. So from the very start, even if you were helping me with Kiyosato-san's revenge, I was nothing but a pawn in the game. You knew that all this should have happened, and yet, I cannot blame you. I was blind for not seeing what you had planned, and I was foolish to have trusted you._

These people were nothing but cowards, using one's feelings as a weakness...

"And what are you going to do about it?" He asked, and I felt as if he was daring me to do something.

I felt my mask of indifference slip off, and this time, I did nothing to hide that fact. I continued to glare at his form as he looked at me, his amusement shining through... Such arrogance... And suddenly, unconsciously, my hand went to the back of my obi slowly, about to grab my tanto.

And all of a sudden, he disappeared from right in front of me and when I felt my hold on my tanto, I felt my grip on it weaken immediate. The next thing I knew, I had been pushed onto the ground mercilessly and I felt my head hit against the floorboards. I winced in pain as I felt my teeth biting into my tongue for a mere second.

_Blood._

A tiny drop of blood had maneuvered its way out of my mouth and rolled down the corner of my mouth slowly. I wiped it off with my sleeve. The white cloth became a tainted red immediately.

He looked at me, disapproving. "That was foolish of you... But you can't help it. People's desires are powerful. The stronger they are, the more beyond one's control they become." He narrowed his eyes at me, "Perhaps the gap between love and hate is paper thin... This is the fate of people. In the face of fate, anyone is but an infant." He looked at my tanto, who was now in his hands.

My legs and stomach ached from the landing of the fall, but I pushed myself up with my arms nonetheless. My arm was tingling with pain since I had landed the weight of my whole body onto it.

"You know that much from the beginning."

At that second, I knew what was going on... And I wanted to kill myself then, because I knew I would be nothing but a burden to Kenshin, and if I were to die, he could fight, without hindrance. If that was the only way to save him, I'd do it without hesitation.

Slowly, I place my tongue between my teeth and I bit down hard... Only to feel no pain, but taste the metallic flavor of blood.

He had stuffed his fingers in my mouth.

I wanted to talk, but my voice was muffled.

"Do not do it. It takes much determination to bite your own tongue off."

My mouth filled with more blood by the second. I felt the sticky substance, smelt it, and tasted it.

He took his bloody fingers out of my mouth. I spat the blood out, and wiped my mouth clean again. "Even if you killed yourself, what will you gain?"

Everything. I would have gained freedom, and I would know that my husband would not die for such a worthless woman like me. He's still young, he has much to do in life... Many things await him... Many people are waiting for him, so that he can save them.

I finally realized that that had been the very thing I had wanted to see ever since I've started talking and knowing him.

I was about to shout a less-than-ladylike comment at him when a loud explosion shook the entire cabin... It had been somewhere near the bottom of the mountains.

_Anata... I'm so sorry... Please be careful._

I slipped my unresponsive mask back on, hoping he would not see the wretched worry I had for my husband. In normal circumstances, I would not have any doubts about Kenshin being able to defeat them without problems... But can he now, when his mind is in complete turmoil?

_If only I had known this would happen, anata... I would never get so close to you. Gomen nasai..._

"If you want to kill yourself, it is your decision." He said quietly, his back now turned against me as he looked outside. "But have you not forgotten the beginnings as to why Kiyosato had to die?"

I felt a grief as I heard him talk about Kiyosato-san...

He continued, "Who was Kiyosato to you? Was he not the one you cared and loved for dearly? If not, at least you were the one that he cared for deeply."

I did care for Kiyosato-san... But... He had to leave, although it is partly my fault... But why? He didn't understand me, he never did... I cared for him so much, and he cared for me too. But we never understood each other.

But with Kenshin... Even with the silence and everything we had gone through... He understood me. Even when at first, our words were kept to only a few a day, we somehow knew what the other was thinking...

And despite the fact that I have betrayed him so cruelly, he is coming for me. He is my husband, and I am his wife...

...Kiyosato-san can be nothing but my past.

Along with Kenji-kun and Kenshin, we will live.

I can only hope that my parents wouldn't look down upon me, and that my siblings won't hate me for falling in love with the enemy.

I think... I think I will care for Kiyosato-san, even after his death. But he was never my husband...

And that's why...

That's why I'll protect Kenshin. Because I love him, and I have to chance to. I won't make the same mistake again... I won't let the person I love risk his life for me again...

He turned around, "Otherwise, having no confidence in his martial skills, he would not have come out to the capital in the midst of anarchy." He said pitilessly. "He risked _his_ life to make _you_ happy."

...He risked his life to make me happy... Didn't he know that all I wanted was him? I didn't care if he was seen as a coward... I had, from the very beginning, only wanted him to be there for me. Why couldn't he understand that I wouldn't be happy if his life was on the line? Why... Í just wanted him near me... Just to be near me." I whispered quietly, feeling miserable as I remembered my fiancé.

_...I married the man that caused your death. Do you hate me?_

_But... I never wanted you to go to the war, but you did... Did you ever think of my needs or my opinion? Did you ever think that you'd die? Or that you'd meet the infamous Hitokiri Battousai? Did you ever know that I had worried about you, day and night, endlessly? Did you know how much heartbreak I had gone through, after your death?_

_You had one thing on your mind the entire time, and that was my happiness. You tried to make me happy... But in the end... You did the exact opposite..._

_...Your killer was the one who truly made me happy._

"That is the fate of man. To make his woman happy, he must secure his home, his village and finally, this world of the Tokugawa clan. Thus we have supported the three hundred years of the Tokugawa lineage of great peace. Even if it were the slightest disturbance, we would quell it. That is our fate. We are protecting the happiness of the people, with our very lives." He stopped speaking, looking at me, seeing if I had reacted at all to his speech.

_...Perhaps... I never really had the right to be happy, even after you chose me to be your wife, Kiyosato-san... But... Kenshin... He taught me..._

"Do you understand now? All of us men with deep fates, and by virtue of this predestined fate, we live or we die."

_He made me so happy... He made my life so fulfilling and joyful._

"It is the fate of men. Thus, to protect the Tokugawa lineage, we will defeat him." He said, his eyes glowing in determination.

_...And to defeat him... I will not allow it... You will have to go through me._

"He himself is under the sway of fate. There is no one who doesn't make a mistake. Remember the one who you cared deeply for... Remember Kiyosato."

I won't ever forget Kiyosato-san... But... I can dwell on the past later. Right now, I have to remember Kenshin, who has promised to protect me and come back to me after the war. I intend to wait for him, and see him changed in the end.

_**I want to protect the happiness of each person I see and rid myself of my sins...**_

My eyes widened again as another explosion shook the mountain to the very core. I could see, through the crack of the door, a large cloud of smoke escaping through the top of the forest.

"It has taken eight months and many victims. But all this is understood. I was assuredly get him." He stated again, glancing at me for a mere second before looking back outside. "This is the way to make amends for Kiyosato, for the feudal government and for the many who have given their lives. This is the only way that their deaths would not be in vain. You witness this with your own eyes."

_**How much longer will you continue killing people? With my very own eyes... I want to see...**_

I do not want to witness his death with my eyes... All I want... All I want is to witness his atonement. I don't want to see any more death than necessary... That's why... Kenshin will win. He has promised me that he would atone...

...But would he still keep his promise, after knowing that I had betrayed him?

"Such would do honour to Kiyosato, who died trying to protect your happiness." Tatsumi said.

The snow crunched slowly as the footsteps neared the cabin...

Flaming red hair, a bleeding scar... Blood drenched on his bodies from all the injuries he has suffered. My hope vanished as I watched his defeated form, only standing up from the unwavering determination.

I was scared. I was scared that he would die in front of me and that I could not apologize for the wrong that I have done.

He looked so alone and weak, in the middle of the falling snow, clutching his katana and sheath for support.

Tatsumi walked out leisurely as he gave a disgusted look at my husband. "Your appearance, as I see it, is that of a man who has used up all his strength to arrive here. You might be the Battousai, but fighting with no one to protect is indeed cruel. You had no one to protect from the beginning anyways... But we do."

I felt my fists clench tightly as I watched Kenshin's emotionless face.

_Anata... Gomen... Gomen nasai..._

"In the name of our feudal government, I must now conclude this matter and at the same time, I will avenge my losses. That would be the only way I can make amends for not being able to protect them."

_Would you be happy if Tatsumi killed Kenshin, Kiyosato-san...? Would you want him to kill such a young child, with such good intentions? He has killed many, yes... But does that really make him a killer? He doesn't want to... If things had been different..._

I see Kenshin tighten his hold on my shawl and I felt my heart clench painfully. I wanted to run to him and embrace him...

_If things had been different..._

The sounds of battle began almost instantaneously. Steadying myself so I wouldn't fall, I ran to the door and looked outside. A gasp escaped my throat as I watched Tatsumi punch my husband with his fist. Suddenly, I covered my ears with my hands as I tried to block the sounds of Kenshin moaning in pain. I shut my eyes tight, not wanting to see the pain he had been going through.

...And suddenly...

_**I came to thank you for what happened back there. You... You remarkably made it rain... Rain of blood.**_

**_I leave no witnesses. You were an exception... You were the_ only _exception._**

_**I thought about my answer. Whether I would have killed you, if I had a sword... The answer is no. I wouldn't kill you. Whatever happens, I would never do that to you. Not you... Never.**_

_**They are clean, not dirtied, nor more stained than anyone in this inn. Do not worry over such a little thing... Although... I really do not agree with violence.**_

_**Arigatou. I shouldn't be treated so nicely... I don't deserve this... I don't deserve you helping me, staying late for me, waiting for me. But I'm grateful.**_

_**We'll make a field. When I was a kid, I helped around the house a lot... It shouldn't' be too hard.**_

_**I didn't enjoy killing people. Life here... It isn't boring. It has opened my eyes to various things.**_

_**I will kill people in the future. A new time is coming. I will kill until then, but when that time comes... I will stop killing. I want to protect the happiness of each person I see and rid myself of my sins. If I have you, I can throw away my sword... Will you wait for me? I promise you, that after all of this... I will return to you, and I will protect. For all the suffering and pain that you've had to experience during these past years... I will protect you from all of it in the future. **_

_**Kimi wo... Shiawase wa, ore wa mamoru...**_

_**Aishiteru... anata.**_

_**Aishiteru Tomoe... Zutto.**_

_**I promise you... I'll tell you, but only after New Year. Don't ask me why... But I can promise you that.**_

I remembered the soft kisses and the warm embraces in the pouring rain, falling snow... I remember every word that he has uttered, that has touched me... I remember the innocent glow in his eyes, and yet, the intense amber eyes that terrified everyone.

And I remember how I said I had wanted to protect him from the pain that this world had to offer... I wanted to protect his pure soul. I wanted to protect him from the cruel heartless world and its cold realities...

...And the only way I can do it...

Tatsumi was still standing tall, while Kenshin was gasping for air. My husband flicked his sword as he raised it and ran towards Tatsumi, who was ready for him. He screamed, his eyes violet mixed with the angry amber... Absolute madness in those amber orbs...

...The final blow.

_...I want to protect you._

I pushed open the door quickly as I ran with all my strength...

_...I told myself that I was going to protect you... Although I never had thought that this would be how..._

I always wanted to protect him, but I never knew why, really... Until now. I'm sure... He'll protect more than he has killed... That's why... He must stay here, to protect the happiness of many.

_...I want to protect you... From the madness and bloodshed... From death..._

I grabbed Tatsumi's arm, that was currently holding onto my tanto...

And then...

...Pain.

I felt my eyes widen and a small painful gasp came out. I felt my right side being ripped apart and I felt the warm sticky substance drench my sides...

Kenshin had...

...he had slashed, with all his strength, only to hit me...

I felt relief at knowing that he was alive. My whole body tilted backwards as I felt my legs give up.

* * *

My eyes fluttered opened slowly, staring at the face of my beloved... For a second, I was hoping that we were home and I was still sleeping... But at the sight of his tears and the blood mixing together, my hopes faded away. 

With great difficulty, I raised my hands as I wiped his tears away from his face, wincing slightly at the numbing pain in my side. I knew that this would be the last time I could touch him, that I could feel him...

I was so happy that he was still alive, and that, in the end, I had really protect him.

Slowly, with the hand that was holding onto my own tanto, I raised it up to his face again... He bent his head down and closed his eyes, waiting for me to do whatever I wanted with him...

...And I crossed out Kenshin's scar, completing a cross scar.

I wanted to let him know that from the very beginning, my revenge had been wrong... I wanted to tell him so much, but I was so tired...

Soon, my blood would taint the pure flakes fluttering down...

I smiled softly, looking at him, adoration on my face... His eyes were the most beautiful shade of plum you could imagine...

"It's better this way..." I manage to say softly.

His continued to stare at me, the sadness so overwhelming...

"...So please don't cry." I gave him that sincere smile again... The last one... "Gomen... na...sai... Ana... ta..." I felt my own eyes tearing up from mental pain as I watched him suffer.

He tried to smile back bravely, but it was so heartrending... He wiped my fresh tears away... "To...mo...e..."

And finally, I felt my heavy lids close... "Aishi...te...ru..."

_Aishiteru Tomoe. Zutto._

"_TOMOEEEEEEEEEEEE!_"

* * *

Obscurity followed my every step and filled the entire place. I couldn't hear or see anything. The blinding darkness, the deafening silence... 

It felt so lonely... But at the same time, so right. Perhaps death was really nothing...

I wrapped my arms around myself, feeling a sudden coolness descend upon me... And then, an icy fleck fell down... And then another.

I looked upwards, glancing at the darkness that the snowflakes hailed from.

The stars stood there, shining again, their beauty concealing the fate of us humans.

"Tomoe-san..." I heard a familiar voice say.

I gasped softly as I spotted his boyishly handsome grin. I felt my heart beat with a recognizable ache. "Kiyosato-san... How...?"

A woman appeared beside him, "Tomoe-chan..." She started, a kind smile on her face

Tomoe-chan...? My eyes widened, "...Okaasan..."

"Tomoe-san! Tomoe-san!" A childish scream yelled.

I turned my head around as my eyes widened again. Kamiya-san was holding to the adorable Kao-chan... Toshiko-chan was on Otousan's shoulders and Enishi waved happily at me.

Slowly, their figures blurred away...

...Replaced by Kenshin, sitting, his katana propped up on his shoulder. His shoulders were shaking with quiet sobs...

I felt a pull on my sleeve and I looked down. A child, with the brightest violet eyes looked up at me, his hair dark red. He was no older than three, and on his lips, was a childish smile... Free of pain or burden... "Okaasan... Let's go to Otousan's!" He shouted, and then giggled happily. He pulled me towards Kenshin's direction.

Okaasan...? Then this... Kenji-kun?

"Tomoe! Kenji-kun!" A shout interrupted us. I looked up, blinking, and was surprised to see that the grief-stricken Kenshin was replaced with one that was staring at the both of us, a genuine smile on his face.

I picked up Kenji-kun slowly, so that I would not hurt him.

I approached Kenshin, but at the last second, I looked back at Kiyosato-san and Okaasan. "I'll be back... Please... wait for me." I gave a small smile.

And I could have sworn, that Kiyosato-san's smile widened.

_You've forgiven me from the beginning, Kiyosato-san... I should have known... You were always so kind. Arigatou._

As I reached Kenshin, I felt his arms embrace me... And bright lights surrounded me... The snow disappeared, and all that were left were the shining stars...

...And even those... They soon disappeared, only to be replaced by the darkness once again.

A voice resonated...

_**Tomoe... Now that you are gone, I finally understand your pain. You have endured such feelings all this time. It must have been awful... You must hate me. But you protected me... A person like me... You let me live. But you don't have to suffer anymore. You don't have to endure pain anymore...**_

I found out that my mouth did not work when I tried to speak...

_**I will bear your pain for you now and find a path of repentance. I must make amends for you, who gave your life to protect me, for those who I have killed... It will be hard, but I think I will be all right. As long as I can remember what human warmth feels like. I... I... must bid farewell to you... but now, with you, Tomoe... For now, we are together.**_

I heard the shoji slide open.

_**Himura, I found out what happened.**_

_**Katsura-san...**_

_**I found out who the spy was. I found a skilled swordsman. All assassinations have been delegated to the new man. Nonetheless, I must have you wield the sword even more than before now. Today's situation is very bad. The feudal government is continuing its hung, using the Shinsengumi at its forefront. We must retaliate with sword, or else, we will all be destroyed.**_

_**I see.**_

_**Himura...**_

_**Yes?**_

_**I have asked Tomoe-san in the past, that she become the sheath of your sword...**_

_**A sheath?**_

_**She is your sheath, even now. I want you to believe that. And I want to believe that too.**_

_**Katsura-san.**_

_**Hai?**_

_**All I can do is keep wielding the sword. I believe that Tomoe desired this of me, thus she protected me.**_

_**I see.**_

_**But when the new era arrives...**_

_**You will throw away your sword?**_

_**I do not know... But when that time comes... I will never kill anyone again. Never again. Farewell, Katsura-san.**_

_So you are going to keep your promise, anata... Arigatou._

And thank you, Kami-sama, for giving me more time on earth, even after my death. I'm so glad to hear that he will atone...

**_Tomoe... I'm going now... _**

**_ Aishiteru._**

I hear his footsteps echoing in the darkness, and I feel the shadows heat up.

_Aishiteru, anata. Please... take care of yourself, now that I cannot be with you._

_

* * *

_

Author's Notes: Will be edited when I have time... Next chapter up in a week or two. Hope you enjoyed this!

**-**Crystal Snowflakes

Sunday, May 01, 2005


	10. Chapter 9 : Spring

Chapter 9

By Crystal Snowflakes

Author's Notes: Oh man... The only thing I don't like about writing this story is making a timeline myself. Does anyone know when Soujiro met Shishio? And does anyone know what age Tokio was when she married Saitou?

And last thing, to clear the names up...

**_Hisashi-san/Shinji-san_** (_Hisashi Shinji_) is Toku-kun's father.  
**_Akemi-san/Takagi-san_** (_Takagi Akemi_) is the woman whose late husband was a doctor.  
**_Inoue-san/Kiyoko-san_** (_Inoue Kiyoko_) is the mother of Naoko-chan and Kichiro-kun, and the friend of Akemi.  
**_Inoue-san/Ryoichi-san_** (_Inoue Ryoichi_) is the husband of Kiyoko.

That should clear things up. If not, please feel free to ask.

Chapter changed just **slightly** because of Wistful-Eyes and lolo popoki's reviews. Changes made at the end of Tomoe's second journal entry. Hope that helps. :)

Disclaimers: Rurouni Kenshin belongs to Nobuhiro Watsuki and not to Crystal Snowflakes :(

* * *

My eyes opened with difficulty and when they had gotten used to the glaring such, I looked around. The ceiling was unfamiliar. It was not the house in Edo, or Otsu, nor was it the inn in Kyoto. The room was similar to the one Kenshin and I had, but it was not our house... 

I felt the unfamiliar touch of the kimono as my fingers moved around and I soon found out that I could move at all...

I blinked suddenly, remembering what had happened. I sat up abruptly, only to have a scream escape from my lips.

The shoji opened up instantaneously... A child.

"Tomoe-san..." He said softly, his eyes worried, "Otousan said that you shouldn't move too much. You're really hurt."

I nodded as I laid back down, "Do you where I am, Toku-kun?" I asked, "And most importantly, just _why_ exactly am I here?"

"I don't know..." He said hesitantly, "But Otousan brought you back. I'll get him for you."

I thanked him gently, and he ran out the room. A few minutes later, Hisashi-san walked in. "Tomoe-san. I see you're finally awake."

I nodded, "I... I thought... I didn't think I'd be alive, Hisashi-san." I stated truthfully, my head starting to hurt. "I assume that this is your house... But... How did I get here? I thought Kenshin and I..."

"You were lucky. A letter had arrived for you that day, and I was taking Toku with me, because he wanted to see Kenshin-san and you..." He said quietly, "Tokami-sensei had just arrived from Kyoto, and hearing about this new medicine seller, he wanted to go see him as well. So together, the three of us, we walked up to go to your house. To my surprise, it was on fire, and Tokami-sensei and I ran into the fire.

"You were on the futon, your face so peaceful that we thought you were asleep... Until we saw the blood seeping through your kimono. We brought you outside, and seeing that you were still alive, we brought you to my house carefully. For a while, you went into a coma, and didn't wake up... Until now."

"How long have I been unconscious for?" I asked.

"Around a month." He replied.

I felt my eyes widen and a sense of fear overpower me, "What about the baby then?" I asked urgently.

"The baby has been well. We have been feeding you while you had been unconscious. Although, we can't seem to find Kenshin-san... It seems like he disappeared into the shadows. But I don't know... Maybe it had to do with that one man..."

"Man?" I questioned. _Katsura-san...?_ "What was he like?"

He shrugged. "He was very respectful... He had asked for Kenshin-san, and we showed him the way. It was said that he left alone, and then Kenshin-san soon left. No one has heard of him..."

_Anata... Can you really revert back to the way of Hitokiri Battousai, now that you've tasted this peaceful life?_

I tried sitting up again.

"Tomoe-san, I really wouldn't do that." Hisashi-san said quietly. "Your right side has been brutally wounded... I don't know what kind of monster would do that to a woman, but even with Akemi-san and Tokami-sensei's attention, I'm afraid it'll need much more than a month to heal. It's a miracle that you and your child are living, and even more of a miracle that you have woken up. Tokami-sensei said that the only reason you two are still here, is because you and your child have an extreme will to live..."

I shook my head, "But Kenshin..."

"I know that you want to look for Kenshin-san... Many say that they've seen him approach Kyoto. I will promise, that I will try to find him. But you're too weak right now, and you're carrying Kenshin-san's child. He wouldn't want you hurt... And plus, Kyoto is a dangerous place. My brother lives there, and he and his wife are in great danger every day... The Shinsengumi are killing all the rebels in sight, but it is said that the Hitokiri Battousai is back in Kyoto, as well as Katsura Kogoro. They are literally bathing in blood in Kyoto. I will not allow you to go there, until at least the war is over."

He helped me up gently. "Arigatou..." I said quietly, as I glanced down at my stomach. A small bulge had showed up... Kenji-kun was still here... And healthy... Himura Kenji... "Arigatou, Hisashi-san... If it wasn't for you, neither Kenji-kun nor I would be alive. I am forever in your debt."

He nodded, "The name of your child?"

"Hai... Kenshin and I picked the name when I found out that I was pregnant."

"I see... Anyways, Akemi-san and Kiyoko-san should be coming over... They have been visiting you and helping you recover for the past month. Tokami-sensei has left, but he has left plenty of medicine that can help the pain... But you cannot take large amount of doses, since you are carrying a child."

"Arigatou." I said again, thankful.

He shook his head, "Don't worry about it. Kenshin-san has helped many people in Otsu. It's the least I can do to help his wounded wife. And since your house has burnt down... For now, you may stay here."

I was about to protest when he held up his hand.

"Oh, and I'm sorry to tell you that the letter that I was to deliver to you was burned in the fire while we were searching for you. Although I know that it was from someone named Yukishiro Kaga. I hope that helps."

_...Otousan._

I nodded, "Thank you for telling me. I appreciate it."

"It's all right. Rest up, Tomoe-san. I'll wake you up when Kiyoko-sand and Akemi-san get here... Dinner will be served as well. You can probably be able to walk soon, although I must say that the wound is still very deep and will be extremely painful. I'm still surprised that you have managed to survive such a blow."

I thanked him again, and I closed my eyes, envisioning a redhead with a cross scar on his left cheek, another redhead on his shoulders... Laughing together. Beside the father and son, stood the mother, smiling.

* * *

"Tomoe-chan... Wake up." 

I opened my eyes, a soft hiss of pain escaping my lips as I rolled onto my right side. I looked up at the people who had woken me up. "Takagi-san, Inoue-san... Thank you for taking care of me."

"Don't worry yourself over it." Takagi-san said quietly. "Do you think you can move at all? We're going to try to sit you up so that we can feed you."

I nodded, "It's painful, but I think I can handle it."

"Are you sure? It's a very...deep wound." Inoue-san said carefully.

I gave a weak smile, "I've seen the wound... It's gone straight through me." I shook my head, "I still can't believe I'm alive."

Inoue-san shook her head, "Shinji was right. Whoever that made this wound is a monster—"

"No." I interrupted. "Never a monster..." I said softly, thinking of the pure hearted redhead. "He was just blinded by betrayal, sadness and anger... If he had known that I was in danger, and that I would jump in front of him... He wouldn't have..."

"Who?" Takagi-san asked.

At this time, the shoji slid open as Hisashi-san entered the room, and Inoue-san was helping me sit up. I winced in pain.

_Perhaps, after so many months, it's time to reveal them the truth, ne anata? It's been so long... And after the treatment they've given me, I don't have the heart to lie to them... They don't have to know that you're the Hitokiri Battousai... But I need to tell them how I'm here, without you, by my side... I need someone to know that I've never regretted saving you, even when I put my own life in danger._

"Kenshin..." I said quietly, hearing three loud inhale of breaths. "I betrayed his trust from the very day I met him... So it's all right...

"I was to wed to Kiyosato Akira, a childhood friend of mine... But, I was never really one to show what I felt, so thinking that I wasn't happy with him, he left for Kyoto to prove to me that he was worthy of my love... He wanted to protect my happiness.

"Months after Kiyosato-san left for Kyoto, I received a letter... I was told the news that he had died, on the streets of Kyoto, by the hands of an Ishin Shishi hitokiri. I had left Edo then, to avenge him... And instead of a cold-blooded murder I had envisioned to encounter, I met Kenshin... Seeing the person behind his mask was my first failure for the reprisal. My second, was allowing him to be a presence in my life...

"After the Ikedaya Affair, we were being chased..." I watched as they listened with rapt attention. "And to escape, we decided to come to Otsu to hide from the Shinsengumi. Kenshin's superior had told us to act like newlyweds, so that the villagers would not be suspicious of us... But, Kenshin had wanted us to marry for real. I think, to some point, that I wanted to as well, but I was always in denial, telling myself that I was marrying him so that I could avenge my fiancé.

"My third and final mistake, was falling in love with him... We had never expected it, but things happen in a very strange way... And soon enough, I found myself with the child of my fiancé's killer... I found myself with the child of my husband.

"A month ago, I was told that I were to meet with the people who had organized my husband's death. They were battling, he and my husband, and... Kenshin was about to die... And I had jumped in front of him. From the time I've fallen in love with him, I had wanted to protect him from the madness that surrounded his very soul..."

Inoue-san shook her head, "Kenshin? A hitokiri?" She muttered disbelievingly, "But he was so kind..."

"And he still is." I said softly. "The purest of all, doing the devil's job. He has never enjoyed killing... But... He is needed. And he will do anything in his power to bring in the new era."

Takagi-san laid her hand on my shoulder, "It's truly a touching story, Tomoe-chan... I don't know why you decided to tell us that, but I wanted to let you know that the couple I saw was beautiful, always supportive of one another." She said, with a gentle smile on her face, "And after hearing their emotive story, I will continue to believe such, perhaps even more than I ever did."

I bowed my head, "Arigatou... I truly did not expect this..." I said truthfully.

Hisashi-san shook his head, "We've known you two for long enough to know that you mean no harm to us... We will not throw you out of our village... We do not care for your past, Tomoe-san."

"Oh!" Inoue-san said, quite out of the blue, "And we've discussed this, before you awoke, that once you are well, you will be staying with Akemi-chan. I have no training as a doctor whatsoever... She can aid you if you have any questions or problems... All the expecting mothers go to her for help." She gave a small laugh, "She lives very close to Shinji and I anyways, so you can visit anytime... I'd let you live with me, but with a husband and two children, I'm not sure you can get the rest that you need..."

I shook my head, "I don't mind living anywhere. I'm just thankful that I have somewhere to live."

Hisashi-san nodded, "Until your child is born and summer is here so that we can rebuild your house, you will be staying at Akemi-san's. I'll take care of the business in Kyoto. Just take care of yourself now... You're still very weak."

I gave a small bow, instead of bowing my head, "Arigatou, minna-san." I said again, very grateful of everything they have done for me.

"For now, you should eat." Takagi-san said softly.

The three of them had fussed about me, and for a mere moment, I remembered the way Kenshin had acted like a mother hen around me. I gave them a bright smile before I swallowed the spoon that Inoue-san fed me.

_Anatani aitai, anata..._

_

* * *

_

"Tomoe-san!" I turned around and caught sight of Toku-kun, who was smiling as he ran towards me. He jumped and clutched onto my legs.

I patted him softly on the head, "Ohayou, Toku-kun. Where's your father?"

He grinned upwards at me, "Otousan is coming, but he was too slow, so I ran!" He clutched tighter at my legs, "I missed you, Tomoe-san... So has everyone. When are you going to play with us again? All the adults never have enough time for us... Not like you or Kenshin..." His face became glum for a moment, "I miss Kenshin, Tomoe-san... When is he going to come back?"

I crouched towards and lifted his face up, then kissed him on the forehead gently, "I don't know when Kenshin is going to come back... But I'm sure he misses you very much."

His expression brightened, "Really?"

I gave a nod, "Really... Akemi-san and Kiyoko-san has told me that the wound has healed fairly well this past month. Maybe I can't play with you just yet, but I can always stay with you... And I'm sure we can go to the market together as soon as the snow melts... It's spring soon, after all."

_Has it really been over a year since you've brought me to the Ohagi inn? Has it really been over half a year since I've been married? It's been almost six months since I've been with your child..._

"Hai." Toku-kun replied, giving an adorable nod, "The sakuras are starting to bloom again... Let's go see them with the rest of them."

I nodded, "Let's."

"How's otouto?" He asked cutely towards me as he laid the side of his head on my stomach.

I laughed softly, "Kenji-chan is fine." I replied him. During the past month that I had been bedridden, Akemi-san and Kiyoko-san had been very influential on me. They had gotten me to say Kenji-chan instead of Kenji-kun, and had made me call them by their first name rather than their last. Toku-kun, quite endearingly, had started calling Kenji-chan his otouto.

Soon, I heard the laughter of Shinji-san and Akemi-san at the door.

"What's for lunch, Tomoe?" Shinji-san yelled from the entrance.

Smiling, I walked towards him, "That's really a surprise, Shinji-san." I said, "We will have to wait for Naoko-chan, Keijuro-kun, Kiyoko-san and Inoue-san." Inoue-san was Kiyoko-san's husband, and even after more than half a year of living in Otsu, I had never truly met him. Caught sight of him, yes, but never talked to him.

For a moment, I remembered what Inoue-san had said about Kenshin to Naoko-chan, and I felt my eyes darken.

_**Otousan told me to not play with you because nobody knows what you're up to... But Okaasan said that you took care of everyone, isn't that right?**_

"Don't worry, Tomoe-chan." Akemi-san said, smiling. "I'm sure Kiyoko-chan's husband will love you. Ryoichi-kun is a very nice man."

I nodded.

"Anyways, Tomoe-chan. Why don't you rest up and keep both Shinji-kun and Toku-kun company? I'll finish lunch up."

"Arigatou." I said softly.

She waved it away, "You've insisted on cooking, even when you were bedridden and you've been doing all the house chores for the past couple weeks. It's really the least I can do."

I gave her a smile, "But you're allowing me to live at your house, Akemi-san." I reminded her softly.

She gave me a strange look, then smiled.

* * *

**_February 27th, 1865_**

_**It's the first time since forever that I've written in a journal... Thanks to Akemi-san, since she was the one who had gone to the market to get me one. I've returned to our house after the fire, but all that was left was a burnt house and charred furniture... Surprisingly though, my perfume was still in the desk drawer, as well as the mirror Kenshin had first given me. The journal was nowhere to be seen, however.**_

_**I talked to Inoue-san for the first time today... He was the man who had insulted Kenshin without really knowing who he was... But I suppose he wasn't wrong with that. After all, we really weren't who we seemed we were. The most infamous assassin and his wife, the fiancée of a man he murdered... Everything was so coincidental, set up so perfectly...**_

_**...Inoue-san was a very kind man, like Akemi-san had told me... But at first glance, it was very obvious that he was a very protective man. He half reminded me of Kamiya-san... Although a very good father, he was very strict and serious at the same time. He was completely different from Ken...**_

_**And here I am, once again, thinking about my husband... Missing him... It's strange how he's touched your lives so much with so little time. It's been barely a year, but I miss him so much...**_

_**Kenshin...**_

_**...I miss you.**_

_**-Himura Tomoe**_

I closed the journal slowly like I have always done so, and I opened the drawer to the writing table... Inside, lay several messily scattered letters, all addressed to the same person. All having been sent, but always returning to this house... Because... As far as Kyoto was concerned, there was no one with that name.

On the letters, there were simply two words...

**_...Himura Kenshin._**

_**

* * *

**_

The wind blew gently through my hair as I looked at the glaring sunset... My back against a tree, my body relaxed, I think of all the things that have happened in these last few months. Petals upon petals drifted down slowly, twirling charmingly. A bee buzzed softly beside, and I hear the joyful screaming of the children with their parents.

In death, the petals display their last beauty as they fluttered downwards gently...

In the distance, I see the sunset as the laughter of the children rang in the background, and I felt a soft smile bloom on my face. They remind me of the childhood that my husband, nor I, have ever had... But they remind me that, despite this fact, I can grant my son a beautiful childhood.

I reached down slowly, and rubbed my enormous stomach in a circular motion...

_...Himura Kenji... Your father would be so proud._

A shriek shook me out of my sudden reverie as I felt someone tug on my sleeves and I looked at them, giving them a smile, "What is it, Naoko-chan?"

"Toku-kun!" She spoke, breathlessly, "He's chasing me around!"

I gave a small laughter as I watched her flushed face. Slowly, I stood up, "It's getting late, Naoko-chan, Toku-kun, Kichiro-kun." I said quietly, "It's time I bring you back home, or your parents will be angered."

"Aww..." Kichiro-kun pouted softly.

I gave him a tiny pat on the head as I held his hand, "We'll come again sometime, ne?"

Naoko-chan nodded enthusiastically, "Hai!"

"...I just wish that Ken—" Toku-kun glanced at me sharply, as if not aware that he had spoken his thoughts out loud. "Gomen nasai, Tomoe-san... It's just that..."

"Daijoubu." I said quietly, feeling a sense of melancholy surround me at the mention of my beloved husband. "I miss him too... But... Until he returns, there's nothing we can do." I paused slightly, "He was a very good person, wasn't he, Toku-kun?"

He nodded slowly, "Very, _very_ good." Toku-kun agreed. "So good that I have to say he might be better than Otousan..." He gave another one of his boyish grin that seemed to make my heart melt. "That's why I'm glad that I can be otouto's niichan. Kenshin makes me feel different... He doesn't look down on us, even if we're not adults... He's a very, very nice man." Then he added quietly, almost as a second thought, "And he plays with us a lot."

I nodded, "I just wish that he was here..."

"You miss him a lot, ne, Tomoe-san?" Naoko-chan asked suddenly, looking at me with those wide innocent eyes.

"Hai, Naoko-chan." I replied her. "I miss Kenshin a lot..." I miss him so much more than I thought I would... Although these weeks have pleasurable, it was so much different than the time with Kenshin.

Toku-kun squeezed my hand reassuringly, "Kenshin will come back soon! He loves you very much."

I gave him a smile, "I hope so."

* * *

Toku-kun laughed childishly as the top spun quickly and I smiled as I watched it spin. He and I had bought it at the market a few days ago when we had gone. Everything had seemed to remind myself of my own husband... Many times, even when the people around me were cheerful, I found myself solemnly trying to blend in. 

"So do you know what was wrong with Otousan?" Toku-kun asked, curious as he looked up shyly at me.

I shook my head, "Iie."

Slightly more than ten minutes ago, Shinji-san had showed up with Toku-kun at the door, his expression grave. He had then told me to keep his child company so that he could talk with Akemi-san...

The shoji slide open soundlessly, only to reveal Shinji-san with Akemi-san, who was trailing behind him slowly.

"Tomoe..." Shinji-san started. "We need to talk. Toku-kun, can you please leave for a little?"

The young child pouted for a mere moment before his father gave him a disciplining look. Sulking, the child walked out of the room.

I blinked at them, confusion marring my face, "What is it, Shinji-san, Akemi-san?"

"I've found only a handful of information about the revolution in Kyoto right now." He stated grimly, then looked at me, as if studying my façade.

I slipped on my mask, unbeknownst to myself.

"It's really strange..." He started uneasily, "The rumors are, I mean. The day I found you dying, Hitokiri Battousai had returned to Kyoto, only to leave the shadows to become a guard for the Ishin Shishi."

_Anata... Are you really... Can what Katsura-san said be true? Are the assassinations really given to the new skilled swordsman?_

I nodded, "A relief..." I whispered softly to myself.

Akemi-san looked at me, her form fidgety, "In Otsu, the people haven't really been notified of the war. It's not the lack of caring, it's just that we cannot do much, even if we care, so we try to know the reduced version of it... But... We have always known that there was a famous hitokiri who was feared in Japan."

"Hitokiri Battousai." Shinji-san finished quietly. "We never really cared about what happened there, except for the letters we receive from our family members... But... Since I have started looking for information on the revolution, I have found out that the Hitokiri Battousai possesses flaming red hair, and the eyes of the fire burning in the pits of Hell."

I felt my eyes widen slightly. "...What are you trying to say, Shinji-san?" I asked him, feeling my voice shake.

"Who else has flaming red hair in Japan? I have never really seen the amber eyes... Kenshin-kun has always had violet eyes... But, you told us that he was a hitokiri." Akemi-san said quietly, glancing at me anxiously.

I bowed my head down, so that my hair covered my face... I felt a fake smile form on my lips, "Your guesses were right, Akemi-san, Shinji-san... Himura Kenshin _is_ the infamous Hitokiri Battousai." I paused slightly, "Gomen nasai, for not telling you sooner... I should have known that it was difficult to hide such an important matter, but I never guessed you would have managed to deduct this so quickly..."

"Tomoe-chan..."

I felt a small tear form at the corner of my eye, "Don't worry about it, Akemi-san, Shinji-san... I'll leave when I get my things packed. I will burden you no further."

"Tomoe-chan!" Akemi-san yelled suddenly, then shook my shoulders, "What are you talking about, child?" She asked, her eyes wide, "We are not kicking you out! You're with a child, Tomoe-chan. We do not care for your past, nor Kenshin's... Merely curious and shocked at the news..."

"...And somewhat disappointed that you never told us outright." Shinji-san added quietly, giving me a reassuring smile.

My mouth opened slightly, "You mean..."

Shinji-san shook his head, "We're not making you leave... Like Akemi-san said, just merely curious." He chuckled quietly, "Kenshin, the polite medicine seller... Hitokiri Battousai." He shook his head, "No one would believe this..."

"Ano... Kiyoko-san..." I said quietly.

"Kiyoko-chan might know later, but it doesn't matter right now." Akemi-san said.

I nodded, "Arigatou."

* * *

**_April 19th, 1865_**

_**Time passes exceptionally fast when you are kept busy... The children have been in my care nearly every day, although I love it... It keeps my mind off my husband, off the revolution that the people have started to talk more and more about. To my surprise and disappointment, the children here are taught that if they are bad, the Hitokiri Battousai will go and discipline them... Even the children, who know nothing of bloodshed and war, are afraid of this infamous killer...**_

_**Kiyoko-san found out about Kenshin a few days later. She was shocked, but she did not start saying how she would keep her children away either. She understood why we hid it from her, but like Akemi-san and Shinji-san, she was disappointed that I did not tell her sooner.**_

_**Sometimes, I wonder what their reaction would have been if I told them before they knew Kenshin. Would they ban their children from coming to play with us? Would they be terrified that the most feared hitokiri was living in their peaceful village, even when we kept ourselves and helped those who are in need of medical care?**_

_**Oh, speaking of medical care, Shinji-san has decided to follow Kenshin's footsteps until he comes back. He has started going up to the mountains to gather the herbs, and I have helped, since I've learnt quite a bit in the few months that I was the wife of a medicine seller.**_

_**Toku-kun joins Shinji-san in selling medicine sometimes, and when I am free, I help him out at times.**_

_**Spring has arrived, and the sakuras have been blooming beautifully.**_

_**The family has decided to gather under the sakuras for a picnic tomorrow. With Ryoichi-san and his wife, Kiyoko-san and the children, as well as Shinji-san and Toku-kun. Last but not least, with Akemi-san.**_

_**...If Kenshin were here, we'd be a complete family.**_

_**Kenji-chan has grown... Sometimes, I can barely stand up and walk straight.**_

_**It's been over a year since I've met Kenshin, and it's been months since I've seen him... I wonder when I'll see him again...**_

_**I remember that night, at the inn, standing in his room, waiting for him to come back from the assassination because I was worried... I never thought I could really worry about him so much, and I never thought... I never thought I would end up loving him so much.**_

_**Perhaps he is still in pain because of my death... Will he do as he promised? Will he not kill?**_

_**As for me, I have nowhere to go after the revolution. Perhaps I will stay here, mothering my child until he grows old... And perhaps then, we can go and visit Kao-chan and Toshiko-chan... Maybe even Myojin Midori, who now lives in Yokohama after she was married off...**_

_**...What else can I do? I cannot go and find Kenshin, especially since I am defenseless... And with a child as well. If I were to travel, dragging Kenji-chan along... No. I do not want my son growing up without a home.**_

_**Soon, Kenji-chan will be born... Soon, the war will be over... And soon enough, I will see anata again.**_

_**-Himura Tomoe**_

_**

* * *

**_

"The kite, Tomoe-san! The kite!" The children yelled.

I blinked as I looked up from the book I was reading. I had brought the five children to play, while the rest of the adults enjoyed their picnics. Naoko-chan pulled on my sleeve as she pointed to the top of the tree, where the kite was currently wedged.

Smiling, I stood up and laid the book down. I approached the kite and in one swift pull, hauled it out of the tree. "Here you go." I gave the kite to Naoko-chan, who was looking up at me, her hands spread apart with a smile on her face.

"Arigatou, Tomoe-san!" She chirped happily. The other children soon followed her example and thanked me profusely.

With yet another smile on my face, I sat down, my back against the tree once again. This time... I didn't read, nor did I daydream. I watched them play innocently, care freely... And for the umpteenth time, I pictured Kenji-chan, in the middle of the group of children, being treated like the otouto of everyone...

He would be in the middle of the group, smiling naively, his eyes shining with innocence...

...The innocence his father protected with his very own sanity.

_I wonder how you're doing, anata... Very soon... I will be able to see you again._

_

* * *

_

**Anatani aitai** – I want to see you

Author's Notes: Yet another chapter! Yay! Will be edited later.

**-**Crystal Snowflakes

Sunday, May 08, 2005


	11. Chapter 10 : Years

Chapter 10

By Crystal Snowflakes

Author's Notes: Time doesn't exactly _fly_ in this chapter, but I will quicken up the speed, just so it is interesting for those who are reading :P

Disclaimers: Rurouni Kenshin belongs to Nobuhiro Watsuki and not to Crystal Snowflakes :(

* * *

"Tomoe-chan! Push!" Akemi-san yelled as I clutched Kiyoko-san's hand tightly. "Onegai, keep pushing. I see him!" She said, a hint of relief in her voice. 

I gave another scream as agonizing pain ripped through the lower half of my body.

"Keep pushing." Kiyoko-san ordered. "It's almost done." She reassured me as she wiped the sweat that was forming on my brow away. "Almost there, Tomoe-chan... Just a little longer."

I took a large breath, trying to push the pain away, or at least numbing it... It didn't help. I shook my head painfully, "I... I can't!"

Kiyoko-san squeezed my hand, "Kenji-chan is waiting for you, Tomoe-chan... You can't give up."

The only indication that I heard was the nodding of my head...

I don't know how long the labor had lasted, nor did I care... All I knew was that, at the end, I had been exhausted beyond belief. The only thing I remembered were the childish wails of my child and the joyful screams of Akemi-san and Kiyoko-san saying that it was a baby boy.

And then, I had succumbed to the darkness.

* * *

I awoke to find myself in my futon, and my stomach unusually flat. Pushing myself up was not an option, seeing that I felt sore everywhere and I was still exhausted. I looked at the clock on the wall and soon figured out that I had passed out for a few hours. 

Suddenly hearing the soft patting of footsteps approaching, I said the only name that was on my mind, "Kenji-chan!"

The footsteps quickened and the shoji slid open, "Tomoe-chan! You're finally awake... I was getting so worried too." Kiyoko-san said, a small smile gracing her face.

"How is Kenji-chan?" I asked keenly.

Her smile widened, "Well. Akemi-chan is taking care of him..." She kneeled down and supported me up gently, "I'll help you get up."

I nodded in gratitude, "Arigatou."

Walking towards my child was a difficult task, and if not for Kiyoko-san, who was supporting me, I would have tripped several times... My body was still aching from fatigue and halfway towards Kenji-chan, I felt as if I should see him tomorrow... I was so weak. But Kiyoko-san insisted that I see the beautiful baby...

...And the second I had laid my eyes on the angel, I gave a sharp intake of breath. I felt that everything had been worth going through, just to see him... He was truly... beautiful. His eyes were closed in rest, his body small and his tiny thumb was stuck between his lips.

"Kenji-chan is a very healthy boy, Tomoe-chan." Akemi-san said as she rocked the baby in her arms. "Do you want to hold him, Tomoe-chan?"

I nodded shyly, "H—Hai..." I approached her slowly and I watched him for a few moments before I held him closely... My finger trailed on his soft face... My Kenji-chan... His eyes were closed tightly, his chest rising up and down as he breathed... I rocked him gently like Akemi-san had, and my eyes studied his every movement, never straying from his form.

And at that moment, a yawn escaped his tiny mouth and he opened his eyes... Revealing soft dark purple ones.

I knew, from that very instant, that I had fallen in love a third time. "Aishiteru, Kenji-chan..." I said softly, "Aishiteru."

And I had then collapsed, his frail body still in my arms, and I began sobbing. Because of happiness, or grief... I really did not know.

* * *

_September 1866_

Raising Kenji-chan wasn't as hard as I had first thought, but it wasn't as easy as Akemi-san and Kiyoko-san had said it was. I found myself lacking sleep for the first few months of his birth, always in need of my care... Akemi-san helped whenever she could, but I couldn't help but feel in debt already...

She had helped me through everything, and even now, after the child was born, she had to help me raise it. What kind of a mother was I?

Feeding Kenji-chan, although strange at first, had become my favorite thing to do... While he had been sucking on my breast, I would tell him stories of how his father and I met... I would tell him how brave a man he was...

Ever since Kenji-chan had been born, although the memories of Kenshin had never left, I found it much easier to deal with them. Perhaps it was because I did not have as much time to dwell on the past... Once or twice, I had the urge to hide in my room and cry, but it never happened, seeing that Kenji-chan had begun to wail again.

Toku-kun had been great to his otouto, and has begun calling Kenji-chan 'otou-chan'. Shinji-san, on the other hand, had called him 'aka-chan' the first time he had laid eyes on the babe, commenting on how small his figure was, compared to when Toku-kun had been first born.

Laughing softly, I had replied by saying that Kenshin, as a child, had had a very small figure, like his son.

Other than them, Kiyoko-san had helped a lot as well... She took care of Kenji-chan for me when I would go to the market, or perhaps when I was overly tired... Naoko-chan and Kichiro-kun had, like Toku-kun, Masa-kun and Miyoko-chan, welcomed Kenji-chan with open arms...

More often than not, I found myself staring at Kenji-chan, always reminding myself of his father... When Toku-kun would play with him alone, I would always catch myself staring at my child, a beautiful smile on his face. I would then regret, knowing that my husband has never felt so carefree as a child.

It's been over a year since I've given birth to Kenji-chan, and even then, there are times when I am in the middle of doing something, that I would turn around abruptly, as if sensing Kenshin's presence near me.

Shaking my head slowly, I glanced at Kenji-chan from the corner of my eyes as I patted the daikon in silence, the sounds of the children playing surrounding me as the birds chirped in harmony.

"Tomoe-san!"

I turned around from my child as I glanced at Toku-kun and Kichiro-kun, who were, the both of them, carrying a single tray between them.

"It's full, Tomoe-san." Kichiro-kun said, "Where should we put it?"

It was astounding how much a child could grow in a year. I remember how two years ago, when Kenshin was still living with us, Kichiro-kun was still a young one, perched upon Kenshin's shoulders, always falling asleep. The year before, he was still sitting around and crawling while we harvested the crops and this year, he had started helping us.

I smiled at them, "You can just leave it by the house. I appreciate all of you coming to help. Arigatou."

Toku-kun shrugged, but it a small light tint of red was seen after I had uttered the compliment. "S'okay. Otousan would make me help it anyways."

I patted him on the head fondly, then once again, glanced at my child, who was still rolling around in the soil, dirtying the clothing he wore. I sighed dejectedly at the thought of having to scrub all the stains off.

* * *

_February 1867_

"Tomoe-san!" Naoko-chan greeted as I entered the kitchen, a basket of vegetables in my left hand and a bucket of tofu in my right.

"I'm back, Naoko-chan." I greeted, "Arigatou for taking care of Kenji-chan. How was he?" I asked.

Toku-kun walked in the kitchen, his 'otou-chan' holding onto his hands, following his every move.

As my son caught sight of me, he then opened his arms widely, a big grin breaking out on his face, "'Kaasan! 'Kaasan!" He shook off Toku-kun's hand and ran towards me, almost tripping flat on his face in the process.

I laughed softly as he hugged my legs tightly. I laid the basket down and handed Naoko-chan the tofu, then scooped the babe up. "Kenji-chan, you didn't give Kiyoko-san, Naoko-chan or Toku-kun any trouble, did you?"

He gurgled happily in reply.

I looked at Naoko-chan, "Where's your mother?"

"She went home to make dinner..." Naoko-chan replied as she watched Kenji-chan, who was now flailing his arms around recklessly. "Oh! And she said that Akemi-san is making dinner for all of us tomorrow night, and that you and Kenji-chan should join."

"I don't know..."

"Tomoe-san." Toku-kun said my name, "Come... Ever since you've moved out after this house was finished, you haven't had dinner with us as much."

I gave a shy smile as I looked down at the growing children, "I just don't want to be a burden."

"Come, Tomoe-san." Naoko-chan said, persuasively, "Akemi-san says she misses you and Kenji-kun's company!"

"I don't know..." I repeated once again.

Naoko-chan, at the age of seven, although still young, would no doubt be a wonderful mother in the future. She crossed her arms impatiently, her lips forming a grim line, imitating the irritated look of Kiyoko-san perfectly.

I bit my lips gently, my eyes switching to the annoyed look on Naoko-chan's face, to the pleading look on Toku-kun... Then to the big innocent eyes of Kenji-chan, staring up at me... "Oh all right." I finally agreed.

The young girl's frown disappeared immediately as a smile replaced it.

* * *

_March 1867_

Once again, I find myself looking at the sunset that has granted me much comfort. My eyes fluttered closed tiredly as my mind drifted off once again... It's become a habit of mine. I try to picture his face, but I find the image blurry and I felt a pang of sadness as I realized that I was slowly forgetting the face of my beloved. Those amber eyes still stood out in my memory though, as well as the silky red locks that his son has inherited and that I have grown to love.

The sakura petals continued to flutter down as I sat in the middle of them, solemn, in thoughts.

My musings ended abruptly as I felt small fingers clutching my sleeve.

"'Kaasan!" The young boy greeted, a small boyish grin on his face, his cheeks were flushed from the playing he had done.

"Kenji-chan." I wrapped my arms around him and drew him closer to me, "How was your visit to the market with Shinji-san and Toku-kun today?" I asked.

His grin widened joyfully, "Fun! Toku-nii gave me a ball!"

Hearing my son's 'older brother''s footsteps approach, I turned around and gave him a smile. "Thank you for taking Kenji-chan to the market."

The young boy shrugged, "Otousan needed to buy some stuff anyways." He explained, then looked at my beloved son, "Hey squirt. Let's go take a shower and leave your mother to her thoughts."

Kenji-chan gave a few enthusiastic nods as he grasped Toku-kun's hand.

I gave Toku-kun a thankful glance as he winked back at me. "See you later, Tomoe-san."

* * *

_June 1867_

"'Kaasan...?" Kenji-chan looked fearfully at me, as I held a pair of scissors.

I frowned slightly at him, "Kenji-chan... Onegai, be a good boy."

"No!" He yelled as he gave a pout and dodged behind Akemi-san. "I don't want it, 'Kaasan!"

Akemi-san laughed, her voice merry and filled with amusement. "Daijoubu Tomoe-chan." She said, a big smile on her face. "Leave Kenji-chan alone."

I shook my head, "It's getting too long!"

"Kenji likes it long!" Kenji-chan shouted from behind Akemi-san.

"Just don't cut it, Tomoe-chan, since Kenji-chan seems to like his hair very long... You can leave grow it longer, and then we can tie it back, like Kenshin-kun."

I bit my lips, a frown marring my face. "But..." _I don't my child to look like you. I have enough reminders of the loss that I have to deal with, not that a ponytail will make much difference... His eyes, his face, his hair... They all remind me of you, anata..._

Kenji-chan nodded his head vigorously, "'Kaasan always telling Kenji that 'Tousan had long red hair! Kenji wants hair like 'Tousan! Then Kenji can be like 'Tousan!"

"Kenji-chan..." I said, a little quiet, a somber look on my face.

My child looked down at his feet, "Go...Gomen 'Kaasan... But... Kenji wants to see 'Tousan badly... So many if Kenji looks like 'Tousan, he'll come back and see me..." He said quietly, and his voice seemed more solemn than usual.

Akemi-san gave me a sympathetic look as she slowly escaped the tiny fists of Kenji-chan and walked out the shoji, sliding it close with silence.

I put the scissors down, then I kneeled down as I pulled him towards me gently, and I was surprised to see his eyes tearing up. "Kenji-chan... Hush now... Otousan has many things to do, and no matter how much he wants to see Okaasan and Kenji-chan, he can't come back yet."

"But... But... Is it because 'Tousan doesn't like Kenji?" He asked, a pearl of tear falling down his cheek. "Toku-kun and Naoko-chan have 'Tousans, why can't Kenji? Where's Kenji's 'Tousan? Why isn't Kenji's 'Tousan here?"

I wrapped my arms around him as I felt my own eyes start to dampen as well. "Otousan... he's a very brave man, Kenji-chan." I said quietly. "He has many things to do so that he can earn money for us, so we can live here, peacefully. Your otousan is a merchant, and he has to go to many other villages to sell things, so that he can earn money for Okaasan and Kenji-chan..."

"Why doesn't 'Tousan stop working then? Why doesn't 'Touchan come back to Kenji? Is it because Kenji's bad?"

"No!" I said, shocked at the things that were coming out of the young child. Not even two, and so intelligent already... "Kenji-chan isn't bad... Otousan loves Kenji-chan..." _He would love you... He would love you so much that he would have spoiled you and done everything you asked of him..._ "But... He can't come back just yet."

Kenji-chan looked up at me, "But 'Tousan will come see me, right?"

I nodded slowly, "One of these days, he will."

"Yakusoku?" He asked cutely as he wiped his eyes with his sleeves.

I embraced him gently, "I promise, Kenji-chan. One of these days... He will come back and see _us_."

* * *

_July 1867_

I laid him down in his small futon, sitting beside my own.

He looked up at me, his eyes drooping with fatigue, but still bright with curiousity. "'Kaasan? What was 'Tousan like?" He asked childishly as he curled up.

I brushed his hair back and looked into his eyes, "Your otousan was a very kind man... Even now, when he isn't here, he really wants to be here. But he's in Kyoto, working for money, taking care of business." I lied smoothly, feeling horrible for doing such a thing to my child... But what could I have done? I could not possibly tell him that his father was the most feared Hitokiri Battousai...

"Does 'Tousan travel everywhere?"

I nodded slowly, "Sometimes... But he'll be staying in Kyoto for a time, and maybe after, he might leave and go to somewhere else..."

"Will 'Tousan come visit 'Kaasan and Kenji?"

"Maybe." I replied.

He nodded as a yawn escaped his lips, "Toku-nii tells Kenji that 'Tousan always played with them... I hope that 'Tousan can play with Kenji too, when he comes back from traveling..." He mumbled softly.

I kissed him on the forehead gently, "Oyasumi nasai, Kenji-chan. Sleep well."

"'yasumi... 'Kaasan..."

I kneeled beside him for a good five minutes, watching the innocent look on his face as he snored softly. Finally, I stood up and instead of walking towards my futon, I walked towards my desk. I pulled the drawer out quietly, and grabbed a brush, and a few pieces of paper.

_**Anata,**_

_**It's been a little over two years since Kenji-chan has been born... Time passes so quickly, and yet, so slowly at the same time. It's almost been three years since I've glanced at you. Shinji-san continuously brings news of the war going on in Kyoto, especially news on the Hitokiri Battousai.**_

_**Our child is exceptionally intelligent, and at the age over two, can hold quite a decent conversation... As much as I love it, I hate it at the same time, because he asks about you all the time. Toku-kun is always talking about you in front of him, and so, Kenji believes that his father is someone who loves children, and he is... But he then begins to questions how his father is never there for him, and he begins to ask whether it's his fault for such a thing to happen.**_

_**It pains me to see my son so insecure... And it pains me even more to not see you... I cannot wait until the day I lay my eyes upon you, because I know for a fact, that I will run towards you, and embrace you tightly...**_

_**I miss you, Kenshin, so please... Come back soon.**_

_**Kiminokoto ichinichiju kangaeru...**_

_**-Tomoe**_

I folded the piece of paper neatly, and slid it into a new envelope, addressing it to _Himura Kenshin_, and laid the letter in the desk, in a neat pile...

...With all the other letters addressed to _Himura Kenshin_.

Slowly, I stood up and approached the double futon and I laid on it... And it was then that I felt the sudden urge to cry. And I didn't stop myself.

* * *

**_February 1st, 1868_**

_**It is said that the Ishin Shishi took over the government today. The Battle of the Toba Fushimi has started, and perhaps, the war will end soon. Shinji-san said that there are rumors as well, saying that the infamous hitokiri, Himura Battousai, has left the battlefield.**_

_**Perhaps it is a sign that the bloodshed will stop. If Kenshin has really left the Ishin Shishi, it must mean that he is no use to the Ishin Shishi anymore... And if that is so... Then...**_

_**I can only hope that he will somehow pass by Otsu...**_

_**-Himura Tomoe**_

_**

* * *

**_

_June 1868_

"What do you mean _I can't_?" I asked angrily, my eyes narrowed in annoyance as I looked at him.

Shinji-san shook his head, determined. "I will **_not_** let you leave Otsu until the revolution is over. Even if Kenshin has left Kyoto and it probably means that it is ending, it has not ended yet. I will not allow you to put yourself in danger!"

"I need to find Kenshin. I need to—"

He looked at Akemi-san, as if begging her to change my decision. "Tomoe-chan... Maybe Shinji-kun is right. It's not safe yet... Many are still being killed as we speak. Although the Ishin Shishi has taken over the government, the revolution is not yet over... The bloodshed hasn't stopped yet. If you and Kenji-chan were to go now, it will be dangerous."

I bit my lips, knowing that they were both right, but still in denial. "Demo—"

"Tomoe-chan." Akemi-san said quietly, her voice full of knowledge, "We know that Kenshin-kun means a lot to you, but we cannot allow you to risk you, and Kenji-chan's life to see him. All we know is that he is in Kobe at the moment. We do not even know whether he will be there by the time you get there or not. Would you want to risk your son's life to see your husband once?" She asked as she stared at me seriously.

"Kenshin-kun would not have wanted that. I am sure. Although he is the Hitokiri Battousai, I can see that in his eyes, he cares about you. If your life were to be put in danger because of him, he would not be able to live with himself, and that is a fact." She paused slightly. "Please... For our sake, and for Kenji-chan's sake, please think this over carefully."

I shook my head, "But it's been almost four years since I've seen him... I can't just stay here and do nothing, especially since he's left for months, and this is the _only_ time we've had _some_ sort of rumor about him. I can't just allow this to go... I have to..."

"Until the bloodshed is over, I will not allow you to leave... I will not let you go alone either. I do not want Kenji-chan to become an orphan because of his mother's immature mistake." She said harshly, but truth rang in her words. "Please Tomoe-chan. Shinji-kun and I just want the best for you..."

"The best..." I said brokenly.

Akemi-san nodded, "What good would it do if you got yourself killed in Kyoto? You wouldn't have met Kenshin-kun, and you would've created another orphan... There are too many orphans in this world already, especially since the revolution has dragged on for such a long time."

"I understand... But..."

"Please listen to us." Shinji-san said as he squeezed my shoulder in a comforting manner. "We just want the best for you." He repeated Akemi-san.

I nodded slowly as I felt tears stinging the corners of my eyes, and I slid the shoji open feebly... I was surprised to see Kenji-chan's smiling face looking up at me, and his smile slip from his face as a frown replaced it immediately. I gave him a weak smile as I walked past him and Toku-kun, and into the room that had been, at one time, my room.

Once in there, I clutched at the sleeves of my kimono and lifted it to my mouth, attempting to muffle the sobs that shook my body to the very core. Sitting there, in the middle of the room, I cried, mourning for all the things I had lost in life, mourning for all the things that I had done wrong...

* * *

**_October 30th, 1868 _**

**_After so many years of yearning for the bloodshed to end, it has finally ended. So many years have passed since I have traveled to Kyoto alone, seeking for revenge for the person who had murdered my fiancé. So many years have passed since my marriage to the murderer of my fiancé... So many years have passed since Kenji-chan has been born, and since I have seen my beloved._**

_**We held a farewell party last night... Teary farewells were said, but I had promised them that I would visit often. Kenji-chan, especially, was crying so much. Tomorrow, we will be traveling to Kyoto, and then to Kobe, where Kenshin, over three months ago, had been rumored to be there.**_

_**I'm afraid that I won't have as much time as I'd like for me to write, but as soon as I can, I will...**_

_**Last night, when everyone had fallen asleep and I was on the porch, looking at the stars, Akemi-san had approached me, and she had told me something so touching that I had felt like crying once again... The day I had talked to both Shinji-san and Akemi-san about going to Kobe to find Kenshin, I had ended up crying to myself...**_

_**...And Kenji-chan, throughout the whole time, stood outside the room, leaning against the shoji, supporting me throughout my pain, although he had no idea what was going on.**_

_**Sometimes, I really wonder if he was an angel sent from heaven... Such a sweet child...**_

_**I wonder if Kenshin was such a sweet child when he was younger...**_

_**-Himura Tomoe**_

_**

* * *

**_

Morning arrived soon enough and looking around the house, I made sure that I had packed sufficient clothes to travel and keep both Kenji-chan and I warm. Afterwards, I made sure we had enough dry provisions to last us for a while and lastly, I made sure my journal and the letters I had written to Kenshin had been packed safely.

After tying my hair up and being ready, I woke my son up. His eyes were red and puffy from the crying, his hair in a disarray. I dressed him up and when we were ready, I looked around the house, feeling a strange sense of emptiness at having to leave this memory filled place...

...But I knew that I would return.

The walk to Shinji-san's was a long one, and Kenji-chan hadn't stopped pulling at my sleeve in a difficult manner. He had no idea why we were to leave, because I never wanted to make him feel sad when we got there and missed him...

When nearing their house, I was surprised to find Kiyoko-san and her husband, Ryoichi-san, Naoko-chan and Kichiro-chan as well. They were standing before the house, in the middle of chattering when Toku-kun caught sight of me and waved us over.

I approached slowly as the children ran over and surrounded us. Naoko-chan began holding onto Kenji-chan's hand, as if reassuring her saddened otouto.

Shinji-san approached me, "Ohayou, Tomoe."

"Ohayou, minna-san." I said softly.

Akemi-san embraced me gently, "Take care of yourself, and come visit anytime. The house is yours, you know... And please... Write to us once in a while."

"Keep us notified of your search."

I smiled softly at the group of kindhearted villagers, "Hai. I will."

Shinji-san gave my hand an affectionate pat. "Perhaps it's a bit late to say this... But if you cannot find it, please... start moving on. You are still young."

I shook my head gently, "I will wait for him, along with Kenji-chan... Even if it takes forever. I promised him that, many years ago." I gave him a sad smile, "I promised him that I would wait for him, and it wouldn't matter how long it was going to take."

"Forever is a long time..." He remarked gently.

"I know."

Kiyoko-san now embraced me, "Be careful out there... The war has just ended, and many are still angered by the outcome." She sighed in nostalgically. "It's hard to believe that you've been with us for four years... I can still remember the days you and Kenshin used to come over and help the villagers."

The adults chuckled softly at the memory.

Finally, Ryoichi-san walked towards me. "I may not have really talked to you, Tomoe-san, and even now, I do not really know what your past is..." He paused slightly, "But I apologize for making idiotic assumptions years ago about you and your husband. May you have luck in finding him, although I really must wonder why he left in the first place."

I only nodded in reply.

"I promise you that if I ever hear word of Kenshin, I'll send a letter to you. I've already gotten your address in Ed—I mean Tokyo." He corrected himself quickly. Edo had been renamed to Tokyo just days ago. "Hopefully, your father still resides there. If not, I will find some way to get it to you."

I gave a small bow, "Arigatou, minna-san. I can't thank you enough for all the things you have all done over the years for Kenshin, Kenji-chan and I."

"Just visit frequently." Akemi-san said. I could see her eyes dampen slightly, and I felt mine moisten as well. "We will miss you, especially Kenji-chan." She bent down and hugged the crying child to her chest. "Behave well, Kenji-chan..." She said quietly, kissing my son on his forehead, "Your mother will need your support, especially now... So please, don't be bad. I'll miss you."

Kenji-chan nodded, "Hai, Akemi-san... Kenji will miss you too." He swiped the tears away with his sleeves.

"Tomoe-san..." Toku-kun said.

I crouched, looking at him face to face. "Nani, Toku-kun?" I asked.

He look flustered for a second, but then, he took something out of his sleeve and handed it to me. "To remember us by." He explained quietly.

I looked at my hands, to see the top that I had bought for him years and years ago... Although not in perfect conditions, little nicks marred the sides in reminiscence. "Arigatou..." I said softly.

At last, I hugged all the children at the same time, and then I drew away.

For a few good moments, we stood awkwardly in silence...

"I guess you two better be going if you want to arrive to Kyoto by nighttime." Kiyoko-san suddenly said.

I nodded in agreement. "Once again... Thank you, for everything."

And it was then, I bowed one last time, and continued onwards the path, leaving the life I had lived for four years... Leaving the only people I was close to, because... I wasn't even sure if my family were alive in Tokyo. Perhaps I should really have thought about sending them a letter, but until recently, I have never really thought about them. Kenji-chan had kept me busy during the last few years...

We had walked for a long time and we paused to eat lunch... Kenji-chan had been surprisingly quiet throughout the whole trip, and I had noticed that he had stopped crying, and had looked perhaps more curious than usual. To my utter surprise though, he had been less energetic than usual and when I asked him, he replied by saying that Akemi-san had told him not to cause any trouble.

This caused me to fell a fresh wave of tears at the thought of the friends I had left behind.

I took out the top that Toku-kun had given me earlier in the morning, and my hand clutched it tightly... _Arigatou..._ We walked for many more hours, and it seemed like we had lost track of time, until, I saw the sunset and I knew that I would arrive Kyoto very soon.

Kenji-chan continuously looked around with his violet eyes, his hair tied up in a ponytail and for the first time today, he acted like a true child. "Ne 'Kaasan?" He asked softly and he pointed to his right. "What's that?"

It was a deserted field... Filled with wooden crosses built poorly. The wind suddenly blew, and I blinked.

"'Kaasan... Does the cross have something on it?" he pointed at a single cross in the middle of the field... It was the same thing that had caught my eyes. We approached it slowly, and it was then, that I saw what it was that was familiarly swaying in the air. A blue shawl.

I felt my heart break at the sight of my shawl on a cross and when I looked down, I felt myself frown in curiosity because of the three stones. Strangely, that cross was the only one with the stones...

"Baka deshi..." I heard a man mutter the words and I turned around abruptly as I pushed Kenji behind me. He was a tall man with long black hair, a contrasting white mantle perched on his shoulders.

He narrowed his eyes at me as he studied me, and then, he looked at my son... To my surprise, his eyes widened in shock.

When he had been like that for a few moments, I bowed in apology, finally knowing that he was not here to harm my son or I. "I'm sorry to be standing in your way." I said softly, and I was about to leave... But I turned around and untied the shawl. Bowing again, I held Kenji-chan's hand as I walked away...

...But that was until his voice stopped me in my tracks. "Who are you?"

"My name is Yuki—Himura Tomoe." I corrected myself.

His eyes narrowed, "So that baka deshi of mine got a wife of his own."

I felt my breath quicken slightly. _Baka deshi...?_

Suddenly, Kenji-chan stood in front of me protectively. "Don't hurt 'Kaasan." He said.

"I'm not going to hurt your mother." The man said gently, "I'm just surprised that my baka deshi got married and has a child. You look at lot like your father. What's your name, kid?"

"Kenji." He replied softly. "Himura Kenji."

"Who are you?" I interrupted him. "How do you know Kenshin?"

He gave an arrogant smirk. "How could I not know Kenshin? I gave him his name." I replied with a snort. "It seems like you two are traveling. If you would like, follow me. I want to hear about what this baka deshi of mine has done and when he got married."

_**What was your name?**_

_**Shinta. Himura Shinta.**_

"Then you must be..." I said quietly, my eyes widening.

He gave another smirk of his, "Hiko Seijuro. The thirteenth inheritor of the Hiten Mitsurugi Ryu. Himura Kenshin's master."

* * *

**Kiminokoto ichinichiju kangaeru** - I think of you night and day 

Author's Notes: Wow, this chapter went by fast. That's three years right there! Either way, I'm not sure if this chapter was too rushed... If it was, please let me know and I will try to re-edit it, although I'm not sure what to put. This chapter _will_ be edited by next week, and hopefully, the next chapter will be up. It should be updated much faster because it will be an intermission instead of an actual chapter. It still has to do with the story, but just not in Tomoe's point of view. A few of these will be in the story.

Either way, Hiko has finally been introduced! Yay! Hope you guys enjoyed the chapter!

**-**Crystal Snowflakes

Wednesday, May 18, 2005


	12. Chapter 11: Past

Chapter 11

By Crystal Snowflakes

Author's Notes: So I finally went around re-editing this... After three years... Please don't kill me? But great news for those of you (if there are any) that are still following up on this fic. The next chapter has been started, and hopefully, will be finished within the next week or so. I will try and update as much as I can, now that I've gotten around to re-writing and finishing once again.

Disclaimers: Rurouni Kenshin belongs to Nobuhiro Watsuki and not to Crystal Snowflakes :(

* * *

_January 1865_

A man was standing in the deserted alley, alone, with an unusually arrogant and sadistic smirk plastered on his face. His hair black and his dark brown eyes filled with lies and deceit. The small bag of gold being tossed in his hand was the reward for betraying a young, while not entirely innocent, man that had trusted him as much as he would trust a close friend.

That young man was currently somewhere far away, mourning for his wife, the only human that had really cared for him...

Tossing the gold again, he chuckled to himself. "Well, I better scout before they find me out."

But it was then that a figure appeared in front of him, out of nowhere.

Iizuka Tetsu, since young, had been vain about his own skills and he had decided at that moment that he would be able to defeat the mysterious hitokiri. "So now it's my turn... That's the way of the world, I guess." He muttered softly, the smirk still visible on his lips.

_Katsura Kogoro... You've underestimated me, you fool. I deceived you all, even Himura Battousai. You should know me well enough that only Battousai can defeat me._

He wondered momentarily, for a split moment, how the child he had betrayed was dealing with his loss, the death of his woman... To his disgust, he felt a sense of guiltiness. Pushing it to the back of his mind, he lowered his hand towards the hilt of his sword...

...And drew it out. "Which way will the dice roll... I'll have to see it out either way." Taking a deep breath of air, he ran towards the hitokiri, yelling his battle cry...

...And then, the hitokiri that he thought he could defeat slashed him with a single stroke across the chest.

Blood spurted out from the wound with vigor immediately and Iizuka fell onto the group, his body twitching every once in a while.

Katsura watched the death of the traitor with quiet impassiveness. He had blamed himself for Tomoe's death, Kenshin's loss and for both their pain. He knew that it was his job to finish the man. After he watched the pathetic man shake in silent pain, he gave an eye contact with the hitokiri. Giving the dying man one last look full of disgust, he left the alley.

That same man lay in the deserted alley, alone, his lips curled up painfully in an unusual wretched smirk. The gold was still in his hands, but betraying that young man seemed no longer worth it... With one last twisted smile on his face, he uttered his last words... "It's New Year, and I'm outta luck."

With that, his last breath left his body, and his eyes became lifeless and dead.

* * *

The fire was blazing and crackling as it spread throughout the house. He took one last yearning look, and then turned away. His silky red hair blew in the wind, his eyes were filled with sorrow and his lips were stretched in a grim line as he walked on, leaving behind one of the very best things that had happened to him in years...

_Tomoe... I hope that you're happy wherever you are now. Please, watch over me._

A light blue shawl was tied loosely around his neck for himself to serve as a memory for the woman he had once loved, and lost.

Although already known as the infamous hitokiri on the streets of Kyoto, he was really no more than a young boy, barely in his teenage years that desperately needed the warmth and love of someone… And the only one who had really managed to give him such, had died, although accidentally, by his sword.

The walk was long, but quick, as he had pushed himself to jog because of the memories of _her_ that was filling his mind. He had no time for memories... There would always be time to mourn again later...

By the time he had arrived at the Hisashi's, Inoue's and Takagi's resident, it had been dark already, although only the beginning of the night. He felt a small tug at his heart at the memories again, and he wished dearly that he could go back to the lives they had lived barely a few days ago...

Shaking his head, and reminding himself that Katsura was waiting for his presence, and that he was probably running late, he walked onwards...

...He had an important job to do tonight.

This time, he never looked back.

After all... Longing was a dangerous thing.

* * *

_December 1866_

He sat out on the porch, surrounded by darkness... Yet, his crimson streaks still glowed in the darkness. The snow was falling, fluttering gently around him in a sorrowful dance. A sense of sadness and loss filled him and he lowered his head... Without knowing himself, he tightened the shawl around his form, hoping he would find warmth and solace.

_Has it really almost been two years since I've seen you, Tomoe? Has it really been that long since I've ruined your entire life with my wretched hands and murdered you?_

_Why... Why did you save me though?_

_All I had ever wanted was to see you alive and happy... But you died, so that you could protect me. You died, so that I could live. Naze?_

_I had... From the very start, no right to protect you._

_Why would you ever fall in love with me? This is the question I ask myself over and over again... And yet, no matter how much I atone, I will never be able to find the answer to that question. I cannot find this answer within myself... I can only hear it from you._

_I murdered your fiancé. I murdered you. How can you stand to be married to a monster like me?_

_But..._

_I miss you, koishii..._

_Since you have protected me from death, have you forgiven me? At the end of my journey... Will you be there, with your arms wide open, welcoming me?_

* * *

_September 1867_

The man looked around, his brain trying to take in everything at once. It was then that he heard the barely audible footsteps in the dark. He swung his body around; his torch raised, and caught glimpses of people in the middle of the dark alleys. "Hurry up! This way!"

It was barely morning, and already, the Ishin Shishi and the Shinsengumi chased each other around blindly in the dark with their swords raised and killing without a single doubt on their minds.

The Ishin Shishi, knowing that they were surrounded, decided that running was the best solution. And the Shinsengumi chased after them in the gloomy passages smelling of blood and death right away.

That is, until an isolated figure appeared from the side out of nowhere. Many of the Shinsengumi stopped abruptly, wondering what was happening and studied the figure in the dark.

The wounded Ishin Shishi glanced at the outline of the man thankfully, and hobbled away from the scene. Some of the Shinsengumi considered ignoring the unknown man, but changed their minds once the figure stepped forward.

"Withdraw." He said, a voice that was calm and controlled, emotionless and void. As if he was the devil himself, the shadows retreated by itself.

"Nani?" A Shinsengumi said, a soft chuckle escaping his lips. His eyes gleamed with amusement at the fact that this short man was threatening them. His lips formed a smirk and he raised the lantern towards the mysterious man's face... His eyes widened slightly in surprise as the face of a young boy took the place of the demon. And his smirk was wiped away as he caught sight of the colours of both his eyes and hair...

_**Red hair like the color of blood, eyes amber like the dying fires in Hell.**_

...A cross scar now marred the left side of the boy's smooth face. And instead of the impassiveness he expected from the legendary Hitokiri Battousai, he was astonished to see a small hint of sadness in his eyes. The next second, it had disappeared.

He felt himself being pulled back as his childhood friend scolded him, his voice only audible to him. "Jiro! Do you have a death wish? That's the legendary Battousai!"

Yoshida Jiro nodded slightly, letting his friend know that he had heard.

His eyes were once cold, the amber eyes glowing. "If you withdraw, I will spare your lives. But if you do not..." The Battousai left the sentence hanging.

Jiro couldn't help but feel surprised once again. Since when was the Hitokiri Battousai willing to let his enemies go without a fight? Didn't the Hitokiri Battousai take pleasure from senseless killing?

The Captain of the man approached to the front, his footsteps echoing into the empty streets of Kyoto.

Okita Souji glanced at the young boy, "You are the hitokiri." He stated calmly, no doubt in his voice.

"Captain!" An Shinsengumi shouted from the back.

The Shinsengumi looked at his Captain, wondering if he as insane. His Captain had been sick lately, and to face the Hitokiri Battousai... That would be suicidal.

Okita Souji continued onwards towards the redhead, his bright smile never wavering from his face, his eyes glowing with anticipation. And then he drew his sword. Then Captain of the First Troop of the Shinsengumi then ran towards the Battousai, sword drawn, intending on killing his enemy.

At the last moment, the young boy drew out his sword as well, and blocked the strike with ease. The next second, he had flipped the First Captain's sword off and backed with haste, just in time to avoid a jab sent his way.

The two swords locked, the redhead then pushed himself back again by using his enemy's sword, then jumped in the air, completing a full spin before landing on the ground, his front facing the back of his enemy.

Okita had barely dodged the blow that had meant to kill him, but instead of feeling disheartened, he turned around and held his sword back up.

Within the next second, their swords were locked together again, and Okita, instead of staying in one spot like he had last time, pushed himself away at the same time Battousai had, only to rebound back by using the wall to push, both of them attempting to strike at each other, both of them jabbing one another with ferociousness.

As Battousai blocked another blow from Okita and pushed him back, Okita tumbled in his steps, the shine in his eyes fading slightly. His hand was against his mouth, and a few harsh and muffled coughs were heard.

Battousai, honorably, had stood back to wait for him to finish.

Okita wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, and wiped the blood from his hands onto his hakama...

..._blood? On his hands?_

Okita then turned around weakly, seeming slightly out of control of his body. His sword was raised, but his breathing was harsh...

"Okita-kun, stay behind."

The man turned around to face that voice, "Saitou-san."

The tall man strolled leisurely towards the front, his eyes amused as he caught sight of the legendary Hitokiri. "I'm sensitive to the small of blood. You are not a match for him. Not in this condition." He said.

The infamous hitokiri merely looked at the exchange, impassive as he allowed Okita to retreat to the back of the ranks.

Saitou Hajime flipped his blade, and with a feral sneer on his lips, got into position.

_...Left-handed._

Battousai quirked his eyebrow slightly at the position, then fixing the shawl on his shoulders, slid his own sword into the sheath, and lowered himself, his left hand grasping the sheath, his right hovering over the handle of the sword.

"Battoujutsu..." Jiro spoke, almost in wonder.

"Let's go." The Wolf said, a sardonic smile on his lips as he bared his fangs.

The two swordsmen performed quick and nimble thrusts, finally with them withdrawing away from each other, and starting over again... Always ending the battle in a draw.

After what seemed like hours, a loud whistle rang, and Battousai glanced at his formidable adversary one last time before he sheathed his sword, and with a quick motion, jumped up on the roof and disappeared into the darkness without a word.

* * *

_August 1868_

Hundreds and thousands of corpses were scattered across the battlefield, and blood soiled the grounds.

His piercing amber eyes studied the scene, and finally, closed his eyes in silent mourning as he sent a prayer to all those who had lost their lives. When he opened them again, his eyes drifted towards the weight he was carrying, towards the single katana at his side. Somewhat reluctantly, he sheathed his sword, and detached it from himself, and looking at it one last time, slammed it into the ground forcefully.

A weight seemed to lift from his shoulder.

_Tomoe... Are you watching now? Are you proud?_

He studied the gruesome scene one last time, and finally, turned around to walk away, calmly, without a single emotion on his face.

_Ore wa... Ore wa rurouni..._

For a long time, he walked onwards with no destination in mind.

* * *

"Himura!"

Kenshin was a little surprised that the sword maker had called out his name. He waited patiently for the man to approach him.

"You're leaving the Ishin, Himura." He paused slightly as he watched Kenshin's acknowledgement. "You fought so well in the Toba Fushimi. The revolution has just begun...and you walk away. Don't you think you're being selfish?" He asked. "How long will you survive in a world such as this?"

He turned around to face the man and glanced briefly at the sword in his hands. "Shakku-san... I'm going to find a way that I can protect without killing."

Shakku Arai chuckled briefly before he gave him a shake of his head, "That sounds impossible." His piercing eyes met those of the hitokiri. "Tell me about it if you do find the secret. You've killed many and more, so why give that up? Life, death, and a sword... That's your only path." He spoke wisely as his eyes drifted downwards to the sheathed sword in his hands.

With a faint smile on his face, he raised his arm and tossed it over.

Kenshin looked down at the article in his hands, and stared at it in confusion.

"Take it. It's too good for you, even if it is reversed." He spoke as he turned around. "Do what you believe, using this sword. You'll learn what an unrealistic dream you have. When this sword breaks and you still have that same dream, come see me in Kyoto." Without another word, he retreated back to where he came from.

The younger of the two merely studied his diminishing figure and gave a small bow.

_Arigatou, Shakku-san._

* * *

The sun was setting.

A man clothed in navy blue stood alone in the middle of a field devoid of life, and filled merely with very poorly made wooden crosses that were rotting away. It was obvious that nobody had paid much attention to the field at all, and that it had been unoccupied for quite some years.

The minute remaining rays of sunlight intensified the deep sense of sorrow and regret in his eyes, darkened his weary expression, and caused the cross scar on his left cheek to seem even more foreboding than it had before... His hands were held tightly at his side as he stood before one of the crosses. But this cross was out of the ordinary, as it was the only cross with three stones to grace its presence.

He closed his eyes in respect, and lowered his head. "Tomoe..." He whispered, quietly to himself. "...It's been a while." A small smile appeared, although it was, by no means, a joyous smile. It was one that was filled with pain and heartache, despair and anguish, sufferance and grief. With that single smile, he showed the world the hopelessness he felt for the impending days.

_It seemed like nothing in the world would bring him joy once again._

"I have done my part in this war, Tomoe, as I have promised you. And as I have told you, I will protect the happiness of each and every person I see, and rid myself of my sins..."

_He did not seem to believe that he, himself, would ever be able to rid himself of his sins._

His eyes opened slowly, and his hands lifted from his sides and went to his neck, where a light blue shawl lay. Gradually and gently, he untied the shawl from his neck with precision, and held it close to his chest.

_It was a precious memento of someone he once knew._

"I will become a rurouni, one that will protect those who are in need... And I will not kill. I will stop killing, for you."

He looked towards the orange skies and gave a small sigh, "How, Tomoe? How can you forgive the one who has killed your fiancé, and has taken away your happiness? Not only have I killed my own wife, but I have murdered my own son... Can I really rid myself of the sins?"

"Will _you_ forgive me?"

He gives a small, but humorless chuckle, "I guess only time will tell." And then he gives another sigh, "It is time to go, koishii..." He speaks with gentleness and adoration to the cross. "I will... I will visit you again someday. Maybe not any time soon, but I promise, when I get the courage to face you again..." He leaves the sentence hanging, seemingly not sure if he can ever gather enough courage to face her again.

"I will be heading to Kanagawa now... And then... I really don't know. But I do know that I miss you, Tomoe... So please, watch over me."

Finally, tenderly, he laid the shawl on the cross and tied it around tightly.

He gave the cross one last look...

...And like he had done many times before, he turned around and never looked back.

* * *

It was dusk.

The streets of Kanagawa were mostly empty, except for a selected few who seemed to be hurrying back to their own residences. An old woman to his left looked up briefly, and then returned to her sweeping on the side of the road. Once in a while, she would glance up to study him momentarily, seemingly intrigued by the outsider.

The young man made no motion to approach or move, but only stood near the entrance of the village, alone, with his eyes closed as he felt the aura of peace in the village.

_Peace... It has been too long since..._

_...No. Don't think about that._

The thought of his late wife, even after such long years, never failed to bring him guilt and pain.

Minutes passed in complete silence as he stood motionless near the side of the road, and so deep in his thoughts he was, that he did not realize that the old woman had now approached him, and stood beside him.

"Young man..." She greeted. His eyes sprung open in surprise. "Are you lost? Can I help you with anything?"

He shook his head, but kept his silence, hoping and wishing that she would leave him alone.

She didn't seem to have that idea in mind at all. Giving him a small smile, she continued to talk to him. "I lost my son in the war... Did you just return from Kyoto?" She asked, but then shook her head after studying him. "No, of course not... You would've been too young to fight, no? Just a child, really..." And then she studied his eyes, "A child that has seen the harshness of the world, a child that has experienced more than he ever should..."

And to his surprised, once again, she brushed his bangs away from his eyes.

He flinched at the mere contact.

"...A child with too much wisdom and knowledge to bear. A child that has lost his way in life, and everything he has ever known."

His eyes glowed amber, "Who are you?" He asked harshly as his fists clenched at the painful memory of the woman he had killed.

"There's no need to be so paranoid, boy." He cringed at the way she had addressed him. "I'm just an old woman, with too much compassion. I mean no harm. I will not chase after you with my broom."

He flushed red. "Sumanai." He apologized. "Ano, Obaasan, would you like help with the sweeping?"

"That would be very much appreciated. Would you like to stay the night? I would assume that you're just passing through..."

"Arigatou." He replied. "But—"

She hushed him, "Don't even try to tell me no." She handed him the broom, "Come in when you're done. My husband has already started with dinner..." Her skin crinkled joyfully as she smiled, and it was obvious that she had been a beauty when she had been younger... "Oh, and my name is Heibo Akako, and my husband is Heibo Shoichi."

"Arigatou, Heibo-san."

"What's your name, boy?"

He blinked in surprise, seeing that it had been the first time in many years since anyone has asked for it. Giving a forced, but somewhat gentle smile, he replied. "Himura Kenshin... Ore wa... Ore wa rurouni." He introduced himself as such for the first time.

Many more within the next decade would recognize such a name as a young helpful rurouni, and many would feel the sadness radiating from him as he introduced himself... Many others, though, would recognize him as the demon who had murdered countless men...

_The legendary hitokiri, Himura Battousai._

* * *

He stepped into the house as he finished sweeping and was surprised to see an old man in the kitchen. He gave a bow of respect.

"You must be Himura-dono."

He blinked at the formality.

"Koishii told me about you, and I have to admit... She was right."

"About?"

The old man studied him carefully, "She told me that the young man was only a boy that has lost his way in life... And I was not that shocked to hear it, for many have lost their innocence in this time... But I have never imagined that the infamous Hitokiri Battousai would be standing in my kitchen, with a broom in his hand... Nor would I picture him as such a young man, filled with so much sorrow..."

The redhead's hand went to the hilt of his sakabatou immediately.

"Of course..." The old man laid his hand on the redhead's, "Nobody has. Don't worry, Himura-dono. Your secret is safe with me. I don't plan on letting anyone know who you really are... I am merely curious to see your reaction, and to have the killer of so many in my kitchen."

"I'm not... I'm not Battousai anymore."

The man nodded, "Of course not," he agreed as he shot a grim smile his way.

* * *

The stars were shining brightly that night. Two men, both quiet, sat outside.

_Still, after so many years... It seems like the same night skies and the same stars that we spent watching so many evenings together. _

He could remember the look in her eyes as she talked about her mother's wisdom on the stars, and he could imagine her as she leaned against his shoulder to look at the stars with that far-away expression in her eyes.

Finally, the older of the two broke the silence, "You don't kill anymore, do you?"

Kenshin shook his head, "No... I made a promise. I carry only a sakabatou..." He replied carefully.

"Although harmless, a reversed sword can be harmful if used differently."

"I know."

"A hitokiri is always a hitokiri... Battousai, always a Battousai. You know that, am I right? No matter how long you keep that non-killing oath of yours, you're still the legendary killer."

"I know."

A long, awkward silence followed.

Shoichi leaned back, his arms pillowing his head as he stared at the stars. "I'm quite surprised that you like to come out and watch the stars... Can you tell me why?"

The redhead glanced at his companion for a mere second, "What is with the questions, Heibo-san?"

"Curious." He replied offhandedly, "And I want to understand you."

The former assassin arched his eyebrow perfectly. "Understand me?" He asked as he shook his head, "I don't think—"

"Why don't you try?" He cut him off.

Kenshin gave a humorless chuckle, "Do you truly expect me to tell my life story to someone whom I have met only hours ago?" He shook his head again, "And plus... What would be coming out of my mouth would not be... pleasant to listen to. My past has been filled with blood and death, even as a young child." He stood up abruptly, "Oyasumi, Heibo-san."

"Himura-dono." The man still sitting said, calmly. "Please, stay here for a few more days."

Perhaps it had been the desperation in the old man's voice, but the redhead found himself complying with the old man's wish. "Very well."

"Oyasumi nasai."

* * *

A week had passed quickly, and during that one week, Kenshin had not only saved a child from being kidnapped, but had stopped two cases of thievery as well.

Like all the other nights that he had stayed at the old couple's house, the two men sat outside, in complete silence, at each of them watched the glowing stars, their thoughts on very different things.

"Does it feel good to protect, Himura-dono?"

Kenshin nodded.

"You're leaving tomorrow, aren't you?"

He nodded again.

Shoichi sighed, "Himura-dono... Will you fulfill this dying old man's wish? Will you let me understand you?"

"Why, Heibo-san? Why are you so keen on knowing my bloody past? It is not something I'd wish to discuss..."

"For personal reasons, I assure you. I can promise that not one other soul would hear of this story. It is for my own motives, and it will do no harm to you."

Kenshin bowed his head slightly, so that his vivid red bangs covered his glowing amber eyes. "My life, since a young age, has been a tragic one..."

'_**Kaasan! Why aren't you waking up? 'Kaasan!**_

_**Shinta... Shinta... So young, you couldn't possibly choose. You will be spared. Find meaning in your life, unlike those who died here today. Shinta, live.**_

_**Not quite appropriate for a warrior. You shall be known as Kenshin from now on.**_

_**The sword is a weapon. Kenjutsu is a killing technique. It can't honestly be described any other way. You kill to protect. Kill so that others may live, this is Kenjutsu.**_

_**I don't want to die... Not just yet. I don't want to... Tomo—**_

_**You... remarkably made it rain. Rain of blood.**_

_**Let's stay together, since I have nothing else to do... I don't know how long it'll last for... But not for cover-up. For the both of us... Until death do us part.**_

_**I want to protect the happiness of each person I see and rid myself of my sins...**_

_**Aishiteru... anata.**_

_**It's better this way, so please don't cry...**_

* * *

Akako stood at the entrance of their house, holding a bag of provision. "Kenshin-kun, please take care of yourself, and do visit sometimes."

Kenshin nodded, "Arigatou, Akako-san, Heibo-san, for everything."

"Himura-dono. Please be safe, and do not hesitate to visit."

"Arigatou."

Shoichi gave a small, polite bow. "Himura-dono... Let this be a word of advice. Those who do not pose as a threat can avoid confrontations much more easily than those who do. For example, nobody is ever threatened by a fool."

Kenshin gave a small understanding smile, "Arigatou." He held the bag Akako had been holding mere seconds ago, and gave another bow of gratitude.

_Perhaps I should head south..._

With that thought in his head, he began his journey once again. Before he had left the town, he caught sight of a plaque that gave him a strong sense of foreboding...

_**Seta.**_

* * *

_November 1868_

A knock on the door made Akako stand up from her chair. "Anata," She addressed her sick husband, "I'll be right back." As she opened the door, she was surprised to find a beautiful lady, dressed entirely in a white kimono, her face slightly flushed.

"My name is Himura Tomoe, and I heard that my husband was seen here a while back."

* * *

Author's Notes: Hope you enjoyed it.

**-**Crystal Snowflakes

Wednesday, August 06, 2008


	13. Chapter 12: Doubts

Chapter 12

By Crystal Snowflakes

Author's Notes: This chapter is in need of severe editing. Editing will be done soon, I hope. Otherwise, first chapter to be updated after a three year hiatus. Enjoy!

Disclaimers: Rurouni Kenshin belongs to Nobuhiro Watsuki and not to Crystal Snowflakes :(

* * *

And so, without any other words, I had followed his footsteps, never questioning him. I would later look back, and reprimand myself for my foolishness. If it hadn't been Hiko-san, but someone with a grudge against anata...

Following in Kenshin's master's footsteps, I couldn't help but wonder about Kenshin's past and childhood. Kenji-chan continued to hold onto my hand, glancing around curiously still, but now, most of his attention focused on the towering man leading us. Hiko-san was tall and muscular, walking arrogantly, his cape swaying in the wind. He never seemed to pay any attention to anyone else.

Upon arriving at Kyoto, he glanced at us for a mere moment before walking once again.

And once again, I followed.

I soon found the three of us inside a nice inn. Hiko-san merely asked for a room, and when the landlady, who reminded me of Okami-san, lead us into the room, I found myself staring at Hiko-san strangely.

"You two must be tired." He only said, almost as if he was explaining his actions to us.

"Arigatou." I replied softly, and looked at Kenji-chan, whose hair was out of place, his face tired and weary, his eyelids drooping. "Kenji-chan, sleep now..."

He snuggled up to me, and I wrapped my arms around him, then lifted him up and tucked him into the empty futon. "Oyasumi, Kenji-chan."

"Mmm... We going to see 'Tousan soon, ne?" He asked sleepily.

I kissed his forehead lightly, "Hopefully."

A yawn. "'yasumi 'Kaasan, 'Ko-san..."

"Oyasumi." I said quietly. Slowly, his eyes closed shut, and within minutes, his breathing evened.

"He reminds me of Kenshin."

I glanced at Hiko-san, almost forgetting that he was in the room. He was looking at Kenji-chan... Except now, such tenderness replaced the usual fierceness. His eyes reminded me of those of a grandfather's, seeing their grandchildren for the first time. And for the first time since I've met the man, I truly relaxed. I felt like I could fully trust him, just by that look in his eyes.

I kept quiet, allowing him to reminisce with his student, the father of my son.

"He's so small, just like Kenshin was when I first met him." He said, his voice soft and gentle, his eyes never wavering from the small sleeping form. I had a feeling that it would be one of the few and rare moments in life that Hiko-san would ever get sentimental.

His next sentence shocked me. "He was digging graves for the dead."

"Na—Nani?" I asked, never having heard of this side of the story before.

"From what I've gathered, his entire family died of cholera. Even as a young child, he never liked talking about it much. He was sold to slave traders, and it was then that he met three women. He called them his sisters. Unfortunately, bandits came and attacked the slaves and slave traders, and the only one who survived was Kenshin."

"I've never..." I whispered quietly, not knowing what to think.

Hiko-san nodded, "Kenshin doesn't like to talk about his past, even as a child. He'd always kept things to himself. There was a time when I thought it'd be impossible to teach him. He was a perfect student, always willing to learn, but at night, he would be terrified of his own dreams."

"I see..."

Hiko-san walked out of the room, and I followed along silently. Together, we sat down on the deck outside, and he studied me for a few moments. "So how did you get mixed into his life?"

Unconsciously, a feeling of guilt appeared.

Kenshin's master lifted his brow up. "You've lied to him before."

"How...?"

"I can sense your ki. It radiates love, but a fair amount of regret, although your trust in him has been unwavering thus far." He explained, confident in his deduction.

I nodded, "My name, was Yukishiro Tomoe. I was born to a happy, middle-classed family. Both my parents were kind people, and my father tried hard to find money for our family. My mother died when she gave birth to my youngest sister. Growing up, I was always quiet, and the only person I've ever gotten along with was a man by the name of Kiyosato Akira. He chose me for his fiancée, and I was truly happy when he did." At this, I paused slightly, not having talked about Kiyosato-san for a very long time. "Back then, although I was truly content, I rarely smiled, and caused him to think that I was unhappy with our engagement. He left for Kyoto so that he could make me happy. He wanted to be recognized as a warrior...

"Regrettably, he didn't make it back. On a street in Kyoto, he became a person never to return... When I heard the news of his death, I cried for days... And then, I planned the death of his murderer, Hitokiri Battousai. At that time, I didn't think he was who he was. I appeared on the streets of Kyoto, and one night, as I was walking, I saw him murder someone with my own eyes. I fainted." All through my story, he never interrupted, merely sitting quietly with a contemplating look on his face.

"I woke up the next morning, and found out that he had carried me to his room the night before, unharmed. I began working there in the inn, where the Ishin Shishis were, and surprisingly, we grew fond of each other. I began worrying every night when he was out, until he came back, scrubbing his hands.

"On the night of the Gion Festival, Katsura Kogoro told us that we were in danger, and he asked us to live in Otsu, away from the bloodshed, for a while. He told us to act as newlyweds. When he left, Kenshin asked me if I would like to live together and get married. I agreed, and we were married that very night.

"We spent a few months, caring for each other, learning about each other, and one night..." I shook my head tiredly, "as all good things go, they must end. I was told that I was to rejoin the people that I plotted my revenge with. When I arrived, I found out that I hadn't been in control of anything at all in regards to my revenge. I had only been a pawn. I was to find out a weakness of Kenshin, but instead, I _became_ that very weakness."

I gave a small sigh, dreading the last part of the tragic tale. "Kenshin followed me and fell into their trap, although I have no doubt to this day that he was aware of the trap that was awaiting him. By the time he reached the top of the mountain, he had already been drained of energy, and he had multiple wounds everywhere. Without hesitation, though, he fought. And I came to the realization that he was risking his life for me, because he loved me. And I also realized that although he had killed my fiancé in the past, he would save so many more in the future. Before their last attack, I foolishly jumped into the fight." I shot him a small, saddened smile. "I stopped the strike from hitting Kenshin, but I, myself, was slashed with a fatal wound from Kenshin's sword."

"My body felt so numb, that I had thought I died, and without doubt, Kenshin had too. I awoke in a villager's house, and he had tended to my wound. Kenshin had left Otsu by that time and had returned to Kyoto. Miraculously, Kenji-chan had survived, and so had I. Since then, we have been searching for Kenshin. As a matter of fact, we had just left Otsu today to go to Kanagawa, because there are rumours about the Hitokiri Battousai..."

Hiko-san's face seemed neutral, but I could tell that he was still thinking. As a matter of fact, Kenshin had often looked like that when he had been thoughtful.

Finally, he nodded, "Where will you be going to after Kanagawa proves to be a futile search?" He asked.

I was struck at the bluntness of his question. The thought that I would not see Kenshin hasn't crossed my mind yet. And I was hoping so much that it wasn't going to come to that, that I had forgotten to plan ahead... "I'm not sure." I finally replied. "I was planning to return to Tokyo to see whether my family was still there... But after that..." I bowed my head, slightly ashamed, "I haven't planned that far ahead, Hiko-san." I said truthfully.

"Kenji..." He spoke, casting a glance at my son, consciously or not, his eyes softened, "He can stay with me when you are searching for him."

I was not sure whether I was quite ready to part with my son just yet, but I knew that having Kenji stay with him would be beneficial to the three of us. I would be able to search for both my husband and my family without worrying for my son, while Kenji-chan would not have to trail his mother everywhere... And Hiko-san would have Kenji-chan as company.

I gave a small smile, "I appreciate your thoughtfulness."

As I continued to study the gaze he used as he watched my son, I knew, at that very second, that I could trust my life with this man. For the times that I would be gone, he would raise Kenji-chan up like he would raise Kenshin... And at that thought, I felt that not all hope was lost.

"Tomorrow." He spoke, "Tomorrow, we will arrive."

* * *

"You will be leaving tomorrow then." Hiko-san stated as he watched as I packed my bag.

I nodded ever so slightly, glancing at Kenji-chan. Although I was no doubt he was upset at the fact that I would be leaving to search for Kenshin, he tried not to show it. "I won't be gone for more than three weeks." I said, reassuring Kenji-chan.

"Hai." He simply replied, his eyes cast downwards at the wooden stick he held tightly in his hands.

My sack forgotten for the moment, I approached my son and embraced him tightly. "I will miss you, Kenji-chan... But when I'm gone, will you promise me you'll practice hard?"

My son looked up at me, those beautiful purple eyes filled with such determination that I was, once again, forced to remember my husband. "Hai, 'Kaasan. But promise me you'll bring 'Tousan home..."

"If I can find him, I will." I promised, and embracing him once again, I gave one single look at Hiko-san.

He simply nodded.

Kenji-chan would come to no harm while he was around. He would adapt to this lifestyle his father had been raised in. He would be taken care of while I leave.

"And what of your family?" Hiko-san asked.

"When I return from Kanagawa, I will stay until spring. And then I will leave for Tokyo to find them."

I knew that leaving Kenji-chan without his parents would be hard on him... But I had no other choice, and I could only hope that he would understand me. I could only hope he would understand everything.

He had to understand, for my sake.

* * *

_November 1868_

Although the trip to Kanagawa had only taken two days to complete, I finally understood why Hiko-san had rented us a hotel that night, instead of forcing us to walk to his hut. He had understood me better than I had understood myself.

Although it had been four years I had received my wound, my body was not as perfect as it had once been. Straining my body and forcing it to go on was causing my right side to feel tenderness, and I was sure that if I had pushed myself anymore, it would become painful.

As I reached Kanagawa, as much as I had wanted to go straight onto my search for Kenshin, I forced myself to rest.

I found a small inn near the entrance of the town. It seemed relatively quiet, and the second I had stepped in, the landlady looked up at shot me a smile.

"Welcome." She said.

I gave a small bow.

"You must be very tired." She commented as she glanced at the way I held my right side. She plucked a key off the wall and looked at me. "A room, I assume?"

I simply nodded, my energy spent. I couldn't help but clutch my shoulder, as every movement I made seemed to irritate the old wound.

Without much more conversation, she led me to a small room on the second floor. I felt a small smile come to me as I caught sight of the comfortable futon that was folded in the corner.

"I will bring you some warm food..."

I gave her the most grateful smile I could muster. "Himura Tomoe." I introduced myself. "Arigatou."

She seemed slightly surprised that I had given my name so freely, but she smiled nonetheless. "Kojima Machiko. Nice to meet you."

She had then turned around with a promise of a hot meal, and I proceeded to settle myself down.

My first priority had been my right shoulder. After making sure my wound hadn't reopened after four years, I retightened my obi.

At that moment, I heard Kojima-san knocking. Slowly, I approached the shoji and opened it.

The delicious smell of food evaded my senses.

To my utter surprise, she had brought two sets of dinner. "I hope you don't mind if I join you for dinner." She cast a smile my way. "But it's been quite dull these few weeks. Winter has approached, and not many are as courageous as you to travel through the cold."

"I don't mind." I replied. As a matter of fact, I felt slightly relieved at the company. The two days I have had to suffer on the trip to Kanagawa was strangely quiet, after having lived four years in Otsu with so many children, and with Kenji-chan who I had to constantly take care of.

She set the dinner's down.

Her smile... It reminded me of Okami-san. I found her easy-going nature comfortable as she began to talk about her late husband, as well as the children she had that were spread all around Japan. I continued to listen to her intently, somewhat happy for her grown children.

And then I wondered if Kenji-chan would ever leave me when he grew up.

"Tomoe-san? Have you got a husband?" Kojima-san asked.

I felt a small smile form on my face as I remembered my husband. "Hai." I replied, a little quiet. "We have a son together... But my son is in Kyoto, being taken care of by his grandfather at the moment..."

She seemed to want to ask me what it is that happened to my husband, but seemed slightly hesitant.

"My husband and I... We were separated during the war. The reason why I'm here is because I'm looking for him."

In a second, her eyes sharpened as she studied me. Finally, she smiled. "Himura Tomoe, is that right?" She mused. "I remember having a young man stop a thief from stealing at the market just a few months ago... As a matter of fact, because he looked so much like Hitokiri Battousai, we were all immediately afraid."

I forced myself to keep my face from showing any emotion whatsoever.

She studied me, then continued talking. "But although he looked like the legendary Battousai, he was different. Not only had he stopped one thievery, but two. He had also stopped a young child from the village from getting kidnapped."

And at that moment, I had to keep myself from showing shock.

"He introduced himself as Himura Kenshin, a rurouni." She studied my face again, "Would that have anything to do with your husband?"

At that moment, I knew that she had known Kenshin was Hitokiri Battousai.

I was afraid that if I were to admit that he was my husband, I would be in danger... But I was even more afraid of not finding him.

I nodded slowly, "Kenshin _is_ my husband."

Her next words shocked me to my very core.

"He is a good man, albeit his bloody past." Kojima-san said, "I had thought that many people would stay away from him... But in the week that he has stayed here, many have warmed up to him."

"...with the children?" I asked.

To my surprise, she gave a loud laugh. "_Especially_ the children! As a matter of fact, he had allowed them to jump on them, and before he collapsed, he managed to carry four children on his back and shoulders."

I gave a relieved smile, "So he's all right."

"If by 'all right', you mean he hasn't gone insane, then he's all right." She said, all of a sudden somber. "But we can all see that he had the weight of the world on his shoulders. And I don't doubt that he does. Being the legendary Hitokiri, without doubt, had to have come with a price."

I nodded slowly, to show that I agreed.

She laid her hand on mine reassuringly, "He's a very strong man, and I have no doubt he will come through it alive. Unfortunately, I do not know where he has gone after his stay here in Kanagawa, but I can direct you to a family that he had stayed at. Heibo Shoichi and his wife Akako. They live only two streets away. Himura-kun stayed at their place for a week before leaving."

I felt such gratitude towards this lady that I could only bow my head, and mutter a weak 'thank you'.

And she had understood how much it had meant for me without having me to say many words. She then left my room quietly.

* * *

I woke up bright and early the next morning to get started on my day. I was anxious at the prospect of being able to speak with the couple who had offered Kenshin a place to stay, but I did not want to arrive too early.

I forced myself to stay and help Kojima-san with her chores, although she seemed reluctant to let me help out at first. I had gone to the market to buy some groceries for her for the dinner tonight, and I had gone around to buy a couple bunches of flower for decorations. The errands reminded me of my stay at Okami-san's inn during the revolution.

I left just before lunchtime.

I had left the inn walking, but perhaps it was the nervousness, because I ended up walking quite quickly to the address of the house that Kojima-san had given me earlier in the day.

Panting slightly from exhaustion, and at this point, ignoring the lingering pain from yesterday's long journey, I made sure I seemed presentable before I knocked on the door gently.

As I heard footsteps from the other side of the door, I felt so edgy that I had, at one point, thought about simply leaving.

But I stayed.

As the door opened, I almost sighed in relief.

It was an old woman, seeming curious as to why I had knocked at all.

I bowed respectfully, "My name is Himura Tomoe, and I heard that my husband was seen here a while back."

She seemed surprised, and had a thoughtful look on her face.

And then she seemed defensive, "And who, may I ask, is your husband?"

At this point, I hoped that Kojima-kun had sent me to the right house. "Himura Kenshin. He... He has distinctive features."

And then she smiled, "Tomoe-chan, was it?"

I nodded, "hai."

"Well, you must understand, this is quite a surprise for me, seeing as I wasn't aware that Kenshin-kun had a wife in the first place..."

I gave a small grimace inwardly.

_I don't suppose Kenshin would be the type to go around telling people he had a wife, and that he believed himself to be her murderer..._

"It's... It's a long story." I said.

She gave a backwards glance at the inside of her house, and looked back at me. "I am an old woman with much time to spare... My name is Heibo Akako. Please come in. I'll introduce you to my husband."

* * *

He was lying in his futon, his face rosy, perhaps from the fever he was suffering from.

Akako-san helped him sit up against a wall.

I gave a small bow once again.

He seemed like he was in pain, but it was obvious that he was determined to stay sitting up nonetheless. "And who might you be, young lady?" He asked, a small smile gracing his lips as he glanced towards his wife.

"Himura Tomoe." I answered simply, not willing to give anymore than he asked. At least until I was sure they knew who Kenshin really was.

It was difficult to see, but to those who had lived through the war and uncountable deceits, the slightest twitches were enough. The small frown that had appeared for that split second... And then the curious look in his eyes along with the return of his smile.

He remained silent, as if unwilling to divulge any information.

"You know of me." I stated.

Still, he stayed quiet.

"He spoke to you of my death..." I said, "...Of his murder."

"He spoke to me of his wife's death and murder..." He gave a small shiver, "...Tell me, Tomoe-dono, how am I supposed to believe you, without any real proof? How can I know that you are not trying to find him?"

"I..." And I realized that I could never prove anything to him. To the majority of the people, as far as they were concerned, Battousai was a cruel and merciless killer. He had no family, no friends, and certainly no wife. I lowered my head in shame, disgraced that I could not prove to him that I was, in fact, Kenshin's wife.

He gave a small cough, "Tomoe-dono..." I looked up at him, "...What is the reason behind his observations of starry nights?"

I felt slightly nervous at the question. What if what Kenshin said hadn't been what I told him? What if he had another reason for wanting to look at the stars?

"I... They reminded of my late mother." I replied truthfully, and hoped that I had spoken correctly.

_**The stars, they remind me of my late mother. When I was young, she once told me that stars were never changing, and that they were always the same. The only difference was the feelings I would be feeling at the time...and the people around me.**_

"If they seemed especially beautiful to me that night, it was because I was in an exceptional mood... She told me the stars were forever the same, and the feelings evoked by the stars were not because of the stars, really, but because of one's own mood."

He studied me for a few moments before he nodded a couple times, seemingly satisfied. "Himura-dono, he left two months ago. Unfortunately, he did not tell either of us where his destination lay."

I felt my eyes widen slightly at this discovery, mainly because he seemed to believe in me already. Had Kenshin really told him about the stars? Had this old man sitting up really gained the trust of Kenshin within such a short time that Kenshin would tell him such things?

As if reading my mind, he shook his head, "Himura-dono had always refused to tell me why he would spend hours just merely looking at the stars... But I am no fool, Tomoe-dono, although I have become brittle with age. I can read your ki perfectly fine, but the question was just for my own knowledge, and for verification."

* * *

I had realized, since the meeting yesterday with the Heibo family, that staying here in Kanagawa was futile, as there was no more lead to follow. I had gone around town, asking those who had met Kenshin to see if they knew where he had gone, but nobody did.

Having done all my errands for Kojima-san before noon, and having asked around town once again for news of Kenshin, I was out of things to do. And although I wanted to leave this town to reunite back with my son, I felt that I should stay longer.

At the thought of Kenshin, I was reminded of the old couple I had met yesterday.

And I was once again reminded that the old man was sick with fever.

A small smile crossed my face as I remembered having seen peppermint plants on the way from Kyoto.

Sometimes, being the wife of a former medicine seller had its perks.

With a determined look on my face, I began my hike to the outskirts of the town to gather enough herbs for the old man to help with his fever. Perhaps gather a little additional herb for Kenji-chan if he were to get sick. The weather was starting to change, and it was becoming cold.

As I reached the river, just as I remembered where the peppermint plants were, I heard a faint cry.

A small sob.

And then a hiccup.

Frowning, I approached the sound.

There, kneeling in front of the river was a young boy who could not have been over ten. He was curled up, his head between his knees, his hands clasped against his ears.

I advanced slowly, quietly...

But he must've heard me, because he turned around and backed up right away.

And then I saw the eerie expression on his face.

_...He was smiling._

And then the most shocking of all, _he was still crying._

It must've been my mother instincts kicking in, because I felt like embracing the poor child. "Hello." I said, brightly. "My name is Tomoe. What about yours?"

In the years that I have spent nurturing Kenji-chan and the other children in Otsu, I learned that patience really was a virtue with them.

He flinched as I extended my hand to him.

It was then that I noticed the bruises on his face, and I almost cringed in repulsion.

_How could anyone... How could anyone do that to a __**child**__?_

"S-Seta Soujiro." Even though he was stuttering, he was still smiling.

I was suddenly thankful that I always carried a small container of gauze with me. It was actually Hiko-san's suggestion, but I was nonetheless relieved that I had heeded his advice.

I struggled to keep a smile on my face as I attempted to study the wounds inconspicuously, "Ne, Soujiro-kun?" I asked, keeping my voice cheerful, "I noticed that you have a small scratch on your face."

He cringed.

"Did you fall?"

After a small moment of hesitation, he nodded.

I took the container out, and opened it for him to see, "Did you want me to put some on your scratch? It helps with the pain."

He looked uncertain.

"If you want, I can let you put it on yourself." I offered.

He shook his head, "I... Can you help me put it on? I don't want to spill it."

I held my smile, "Of course! Is there anywhere else you hurt yourself when you fell?"

"A-Ano... I... I also hurt my back, and my right arm..." His smile lost its eerie touch, and his eyes brightened noticeably with joy. "A-Arigatou, Tomoe-san."

* * *

Akako-san opened the door once again, "Tomoe-san... What are you doing here?"

"Akako-san, I apologize for barging in, but..." I lifted my sac full of peppermint stalks to show her. It must've been obvious as to what I wanted to do, because she smiled at me, and ushered me in.

"You bought peppermint plants!" She exclaimed, surprised. "I've been looking all over for them, but the market has been out of stock for the past few days due to the increase of feverish people... And these seem so fresh! How did you manage...?"

"Kenshin... He was once a medicine seller, back when we had been newlyweds. I learned a few things from him."

She looked at me, astonished. "You went to pick these...?"

I gave a small nod.

"You are such a sweetheart. Unfortunately, Anata is resting at the moment, but I'll be sure to let him know what you did for him when he does awaken."

I shook my head, "It's all right... Demo, Akako-san, would you like me to help prepare it for Heibo-san...?"

"It would be wonderful... I'm actually not quite sure what to do with these, really."

* * *

I had bought an extra package of gauze and bandages this morning at the market before I dropped by to see Akako-san and her husband.

Heibo-san had been getting progressively better over the days, and had been healing significantly faster after being supplied with peppermint infused tea daily.

He had returned to his daily routines, with the occasional nap, but everything seemed normal again. He had even invited me over for dinner once while he was buying a tub of tofu at the market.

Glad that I had been of help to the family, I wondered, not for the first time, whether they had a child. And if they did, I tried to speculate why it was that they never told me about him.

As I approached the river, a familiar profile of a child, huddled, appeared.

Brushing my thoughts away from my mind, I hurried towards him.

Instead of turning around like he did usually to greet me, he stayed motionless.

"Soujiro-kun?" I asked, feeling worried.

He didn't reply.

I placed my hand on his shoulder, "Soujiro-kun? Are you all right?"

And finally, he turned around, a somber look on his face, "Is it true?" He asked, dejected, his eyes cast downwards, "Is it true that only the strong will survive, and the weak will die?"

For the next ten years, this question would haunt my dreams.

_Is it true, Tomoe-san? _

* * *

Author's Notes: Hope you enjoyed it.

**-**Crystal Snowflakes

Monday, August 11, 2008


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